Interesting question and one which I've been giving some thought to lately. My future is most definitely affected by the fact that one of my kids, my handsome 15 year old son, is severely autistic and will need lifelong care. I have been separated for a year and a half, divorced for almost a year now and have felt no compunction to find someone new so far. I guess I would say that I am happy with my independence - my time is more than fully spent raising my three kids, teaching full time, and taking care of my home - and that makes me content for now just to have the time to do all that, with no one else to worry about. In the back of my mind, however, is the little fearful voice which wonders if someday I'll wake up lonesome and wishing I had a partner to spend the rest of my life with. Considering my son, I would be a daunting person to start anything with and I expect most men wouldn't want to get involved with this situation, nor would I find it easy to make time to date so I picture myself alone when I think towards the future.
So, final answer......I am happy with my independence and hoping like hell that I'll stay that way.

I know that I would like to love and be loved someday, however I don't think it's something I will have to have. I love my independence, I like to come and go as I please, I enjoy my friends more than I would enjoy spending time with him, I like being my own financial advisor, and I like having to only pick up after myself. Still, I wonder what I will feel like 10 years from now. I have had opprotunities to date and have said no to all of them. Maybe I'm just not ready. My friends tell me I have not met the right person... we will see.

My divorce has been final for a month now. I'm still trying to get my house sold too.

I'm happy alone for right now. I don't want a guy coming into the home I shared with my ex. Actually, I'm not ready yet. I don't know if I ever will be. If it happens one day, great but I'm not out there looking for it.

I'm lucky that I have several single friends. We go to dinner, plays, opera and anything we feel like. I talk to a few of my ds friends on the phone on a regular basis. I don't know if you've gone to any of the DS meet ups in your area but they are a lot of fun. There's one coming up in June in Chicago. Come one come all.

Hi Bill - Hard question to answer. Happy with independence? Accepting is the term I'd use at this point for myself - but as you well know, I still have a way to go in my healing process. I began seeing a counselor a few weeks back and lucky me, I found a good one. Something she stated is that it will take me at least another year to get through the overt grieving process that I seem to still be submerged in - unbeknowst to my consciousness! I was very relieved to hear that there is a difference between grieving and depression - sometimes we get those two emotions confused. I think many of us here may be grieving more than we are depressed, but if we don't take care of our grieving, we could end up in deep depression - wow, this was a very awesome revelation to me.

When we invested so much into our marriages and families as you and I, and many here have done, it's sometimes difficult to know how to be single again. I know that companionship is definitely a need for most of us, but it's in the choosing the right relationship for myself that I seem to be stuck with, because at this point in my life, I neither know what the right relationship should look like, nor do I have the stamina or desire to make another mistake. I can still hear my lawyer saying that sixty percent of first marriages fail, and the numbers for second marriages is higher. And what guarantees are there that companionships are any safer?

A relationship with a mature caring man in my future? I hope so - I really do. But first, I need to be comfortable with who I am as a single woman - I guess that could translate into needing independence at this place in time - not happy, but accepting. In the meantime, working on overcoming my grieving, learning about myself and how to be single and taking day to day as a cherished opportunity to get healthy is a direction I choose for now. Does it make me happy? It makes me content that I want to move forward and be emotionally healthy. Today I saw my counselor and I left truly 'happy' because I sense that I'm getting somewhere - I recommend anyone on this sight to consider a counselor if you haven't already - it's great therapy! But also, thanks to your advice about Beginning Experience weekend, I plan on attending this summer so that I can further advance, or at least better understand my journey to healing. And in the fall, I'll continue attending weekly divorce support group. Then, maybe someday, maybe sooner than I could ever imagine in my wildest dreams, I can have a relationship that will not only fulfill my life, but one where I can give the best of who I am to a deserving, and caring companion. And in finding that special person for myself, I can then be special for that someone too.

This is what I know for myself. I do want someone special in my life. I loved being married, taking caring of my husband, my house and my kids. I miss that. I miss touching and hugging and laughing with someone special but I'm not going looking for it.

When I meet him, I will know it. Until then, I'm ok alone.

For me it's a toss up. I'm still coming to grips with the divorce so it seems impossible that I would want another relationship. But at the same time I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I want someone to share my joys and heartaches with. Right now I am just learning to survive on my own. Hopefully when I can be comfortable with my independence and I am ready someone will come into my life that I don't want to let go. It's very hard for me to say because I know deep down inside that my ex was my true love. I obviously wasn't his but for me he was the one. So I have to come to accept that I have to give that up. I know that there can not be another true love for me but maybe something different and just as wonderful. I'm not actively looking, but if it comes knocking on my door, love is always welcome. I just have a few hundred qualifications, is all!

I am sure this will post will generate many responses. I think answers will vary greatly! My divorce is not yet final, but it has been 2 1/2 years since this journey has begun. I, like others, have gone from happy to devastated overnight. I have significant trust issues, but I am ok! I will be sad on the day of my divorce, but have had a miserable journey and I have healed so much....with many thanks going to my DS friends! Once I am divorced, I do want companionship. I miss that! I miss sharing, caring, and loving another. I am not going to jump into a relationship (I hope), but I do want to have someone who cares and who listens and communicates and holds me! I miss everything about being a family. Part of me thinks I am ready to date, but my trust issues scare me! I honestly hope that I can be connected with someone again because that is so much a part of who I am!

A very interesting question indeed! I got married at the age of 20 and basically just did the husband/dad thing for 32 years. So now I do value my independence, at first it was difficult accepting the lonliness equation, something I have always battled with being an only child, but I am quite comfortable with it now. I do miss the warmth, softness, caresses and such that come with having a mate, but for now I am content with sampling the waters.....once I figure it out somewhat anyways!

One day I hope to find someone to love again and be loved by, but at this point I think that it's like baseball. See, when you go to the plate and want to hit a homer, most of the time you pop up. But sometimes, you don't look to hit the dinger and then you just do it.......well, same thing with women I think, when I'm not looking for my soul mate I will find her. Someone that will just take my breath away and zap me with that vibe...I will know when it happens (I hope)!

This is a very good question. For me, my priority is me right now. I really want to get to the point where Im okay with me and feel comfortable in my own skin. I would like to get to the point where I look back on all of this and feel and know it was the right thing. I want to be firmly planted in my own world before i even think about sharing my life. But, I do have a strong desire to share my life so, yes, I hope someday to meet someone I can do that with. Share!

I have returned to the dating scene and I am having the time of my life!!! Dancing, dinner, holding hands, going to see concerts, and having so much fun. I am still independent. I do what I want, but I am really enjoying not eating alone, someone cooking for me sometimes, someone to sit on the couch with and watch a movie, someone to take a walk with and most of all someone to just share day to day stuff with....I don't need someone to support me, I just want someone to care about me...Go for it.

You know you can have both..independence and a relationship. I would not have it any other way. If you have never lived alone, you should. I believe that happiness attracts more happiness. So make sure you are happy and know who you are and the rest will come. Know thyself, before you try and know another..

I have been alone 2 years, divorced one, and I really want to say, please divorce before you start to date. I really have to say I have my head screwed on straight. I married at 26, I had other relationships. I feel nothing for the ex, and that takes time, you need to be there, you need to end it and sometimes the piece of paper is not the end.I have also met someone, early thing..and any fear you have, the right person, it falls away, free fall. Hugs

I want both... I want the freedom to be me, and I would like to think that there is someone out there who would love me for that. If a relationship is synonymous with losing independence... Well, that just isn't in the cards for me. There is a poem I love. I think it is called "When You Are Old"...anyway, there is a line that reads "...but one man loved the pilgrim soul in you...". It's about being loved by other men for your outward appearance, but by being comforted by the knowledge that there was one man once who understood what was inside of you and loved you for it. ...sighs.

I loved being married. Even though our relationship had deteriorated, I can honestly say I always loved being married. I miss the relationship we once had. I don't know if I will ever find anyone to share my life with. I feel like I have so much emotional and financial baggage, that its better to stay away from that pursuit.

I believe that there are "special someones" out there for everyone, the problem is finding them! I wish that there was a way (excluding internet) that you could put your thoughts and visions out to the universe, where they could be seen, felt and highlighted to those that ARE your special someone. Like, "Here I am - over here". Where as opposed to talking, dining or being someone you may really not be, you'd have that "feeling" alone, that says you belong together. A "feeling", not a quest - just there.

Well, getting back to reality. Being happy alone or to be in a relationship is an individual choice. Everyone wants to be loved and give love. Having that right person would be a wonderful thing. However, I also feel what's meant to be, is meant to be. If you can't find that special someone, because you live alone, doesn't mean you have to be alone. I've found through the years that my friends are my true loves (other then my children). I'm very lucky to have a few that have been by my side since I was a little girl. I hope in the years to come that I only have friends, men included. Friends to laugh with, share with, be there for, truly care, plan things together and look out for. If a relationship is to come for me, it will start with friendship above all. Building a relationship by itself is too much work. I want my life to be filled with friends. With that - my life is fulfilled.

Good luck to you in finding your dreams, your happiness and fulfillment. I wish you the best. Hugs.