Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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Chrissy614 04/18/2009

My girlfriend Michelle and I have been going to this Karaoke bar every Friday (sometimes Saturday) for about 8 months now. We've gotten to know the "regulars" there pretty good and I've been singing Karaoke on a regular basis.

My dilema.....Michelle got married in Florida this past week and as soon as school is out for her daughter, she will be moving 4 hours up North to live with her hubby. I will be alone here. She is my only single friend who would go out with me every weekend.

I've been sitting home the past 2 weekends because she is not here and tonight I'm thinking of going up to the bar by myself. I will know a few people there for sure, but they are not my friends so to speak.

I know we are all new to this "single" phase of our life and with her moving I either have to do this on my own, or stop going all together and I do have fun there. I don't know if I'll have as much fun there by myself, but I won't know that until I try it, right?

What do you think you would do?

deleted_user 04/18/2009

Chrissy, It would be really hard for me to go to a bar by myself, but since you do know people there I don't see why you shouldn't go. As you said, you won't know if you will have fun until you try it. This is not the same thing, but I recently went to a wedding by myself. At first I felt a bit awkward, then just started talking to people and it was a fun time! If I lived near you, I would go with you, I love karaoke!

deleted_user 04/18/2009

You should go and give it a try. You can always leave if you feel uncomfortable.

deleted_user 04/18/2009

Chrissy, I think it would be alright. I would go if I already knew a bunch of people at the bar like you do. Even if you stay for an hour. Get a song in. Might be a good way to meet a new friend that you can eventually go there with. Just please promise me you'll be careful. Sorry, my daughter just left for the bar with a girlfriend , she's 22, can't help worry a little. Your probably getting some residual effects from that. If you go have a good time. Let us know how you made out.

Maybe I should give you a curfew!! Just kidding!

KatieBee 04/18/2009

I think you should go - stretching your limits etc! You know people, you enjoy karaoke, and you are one gutsy lady!

hurtinandhealin2560 04/18/2009

Since you know some of the regulars, I would go. No point in sitting at home and you might get to be good friends with some of these regulars who can in turn introduce you to their friends.

Hugs!!

deleted_user 04/19/2009

Go out and have a good time! No reason not to "move on " with your life! You already know people there, so slowly ease yourself into closer friendships with them! Just don't try to move too quickly and get "burnt", that would probably set you back for a while!

Get out, have fun! :D

Chrissy614 04/19/2009

Well I went.....by myself. A little awkward at first but there was one of the regulars who stayed by me most of the night. It wasn't too bad. The crowd on Saturday isn't the same as Friday and I know quite a few more on Friday, so if I do it again, it will probably be a Friday night.

Ellen - I was home by 2a.m. - just before all the drunks hit the road. Hope your daughter made it home safely too. MOM :)

Thanks for the encouragement everyone.

CowgirlKathi 04/19/2009

Chrissy, I am GLAD you went and am very PROUD OF YOU! I long ago used up all my allotted "bar" time, so that's the last place I would have gone after my ex hit the bricks (plus, he became one of the new "regulars" at the local watering hole -- another reason for my avoidance). But the Karoke thing draws a lot of folks who just wanna have fun and since you had been there before, it's a healthy sign that you rose to the "challenge" and went alone. Glad some of the folks you had met there welcomed you so you didn't have to sit by yourself. Keep up the good work!

deleted_user 04/19/2009

Good for you! I wish I had the confidence to go to a bar by myself. I went to a bar last weekend for the first time 30 years and I was like a fish out of water. However, you gave me a good idea. I went to a straight up bar not a Karoke bar. That sounds like fun. I'm going to check around in my area and see if I can find one to go to. I'm glad you went out and had fun. We all need to do that.

deleted_user 04/19/2009

Chrissy, good for you! I was invited to a party yesterday and forced myself to go. Unfortunately, I only knew 2 people and if they were not around it was very awkward, but I was happy that I did it! Just another one of those damn steps! You keep taking those steps. I am sure it is difficult with your friend moved away and as we know, true friends are hard to find! You keep taking those steps!
Big hugs to you!

deleted_user 04/19/2009

Good for you Chrissy, these steps make us feel alot more confident in ourselves. I haven't gone to a bar by myself yet, but my big accomplishment was that I went out to dinner by myself. Something I'd never done before, I was sure glad I did this.

deleted_user 04/19/2009

Go and have a good time. If it doesn't work out the way you want it to, you can always leave...but I think you will have a good time. Best of luck and sing your heart out.

zouga 04/19/2009

I'm glad you went! I think the first time you do something alone that you had been doing with another person, it's hard. I'll have a chance to prove that myself, since I am going to a show by myself on Wednesday. I really wanted to see this show (Lord of the Dance) and I had no one to go with. So I felt like a victim for a few days, and then I realized that there is no law that says I can't go to this show by myself. I'm nervous about it, and I'm pretty sure there won't be anyone there I know, but weighing the sadness I felt about missing the show with the nervousness I feel about going alone, I think I made the right decision. As MDawn said--just another one of those damn steps. At least these are fun activities, not involving lawyers and courts.
Hugs!

deleted_user 04/19/2009

Glad you went! I would have gone. Think any of those regulars can turn into Friday night friends? Why not?

Shorty54 04/20/2009

Ok...I'll be the nervous Nellie. BE CAREFUL. I do envy your guts though.

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