I am so sorry. I can't imagine what that is like. I think that it is something you've just got to let go. As angering as it is, as much as you know it's not true, I have found that you can't convince people to think differently of you. I know it hurts to have your son have to hear this even though he knows it's not true and the sad thing is your MIL is badmouthing the mother of her grandchildren. She must be a very miserable woman if she is going to bad mouth you. Surely she has better things to do. It puts everything in perspective that she is still trying to protect her "Baby son" which is exactly what she's doing, she's protecting an adult male who should be smarter and more mature than this. I had to handle a situation like this except it was with my mother but it was the opposite. Last Thanksgiving she was badmouthing my X and saying I should never have married him and on and on. She was doing this within earshot of my son and his wife. Can you imagine how that made my son feel. To hear I should never have married his father. Although my X has hurt me and my son a lot, he is still my son's father, and he loves him and always will. So I took my mother aside and told her that she was NEVER to talk about not wanting me to have married my X. I told her he had been a good husband and father for a long time and that he was and always would be my son's father and the marriage was worth everything I've gone through to have my son. What is interesting, is my son also asked my mother to quit badmouthing his Dad. He said that no matter what his Dad had done, he wanted my mother not to talk poorly about him. My mother told him I had already had that talk with her. No matter what, it is something that your X and your son should handle. I'm just sorry that it is hurting and making you so angry. It's not fair, is it? I think down the road, lots of things that have happened to each of us will be vindicated. Until then, all we can really control is ourselves. So I would take the high road, continue to be the amazing woman you are and let the chips fall where they may. They are just probably all upset that you are doing well and moving on with your life. Thanks for sharing. It gives us all an opportunity to rethink our issues and share them.

Well, she's not a saint if she can say such dumb things to your son. A saint would be supportive of her grandson in his trying to deal with all of this. Maybe she just slipped. I sure hope she did. You know that he is filling her ears with a bunch of crap anyway. I don't think a forty-some year old man should be living with his parents anyway. She wouldn't be hearing as much if he lived on his own. What was she thinking when she let that happen?

Try not to let it bother you. Once you calm down a bit, you might not be all that emotional - just pissed. I hope so, for your sake. You don't need anymore coming at you. Hang in there. Give your son a big kiss and call it a day. You know that's not true and we know too! Big hugs.

Chrissy, I honestly believe that women like your MIL (who is just like my MIL) raise men who are predisposed to a) dealing with life in a passive-aggressive way, b) cheating, c) blaming the cheating on their spouse, after NEVER telling their spouse that they weren't happy.

In other words, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.

We didn't want to see this when we were with our spouses. I know I wanted to believe that my husband had risen about the BS whacko crap that I knew his mother was all about.

I was wrong. He had not risen above it. He was all about it. He's just like her. But, he kept his crap to himself, and acted really sweet and loving towards me. But, when his house of cards came falling down, it all came out. He acted just like his mother.

There's nothing you can do.

She needs to believe that her son is perfect.

You are going to be the scapegoat. (I'd be willing to bet it isn't the first time, but she's going to pump it up a bit now.)

Her blaming you is a smokescreen to cover up what her son did.

The only thing you can do is a) tell your son to not talk about you to them, and b) don't tell your husband ANYTHING about your life, from here on out. He isn't your friend and anything you tell him, he's going to use against you to his advantage.

Hey Lady, She is taking up for her son, the blood is thicker than water thing. I would do the same for my daughter I think. But from the other end we feel that they are just being butt heads. I am sure that your stbx is spilling his guts out putting his spin on everything to make it look as if it is all your fault...it is his way of justifing what he has done. In the process it he tells it enough not only will he start to believe it so will others especailly family. I know this for a fact. My mil sent me a letter asking where I had gone, why was I lost, it was what she had been hearing from her daughter. I sent her a letter explaining that I wasn't lost I hadn't gone anywhere and the explained to her the reasons for my actions. While I was in the hospital for the kidney stone thing she called me and said "I remember now that we DID have this discussion a couple of times before, If you EVER need ANYTHING you call me"....of course I won't but I will call on the holidays and on her birthday.....So maybe she will see the light one day herself if now she doesn't have a clue just like her son.....AJJ

Take the high road. As hard as it might be to not join in, it sounds like your son has his head on straight and knows what to think. You're right that it's none of their business but rise above it. You will come out looking better in the long run.

I could NEVER be convinced by my children that they had a good reason to cheat on their spouse.

I would also NEVER let them run to me and whine about their spouse. I'll send them home so fast their head would spin, to work it out and to BE AN ADULT.

I'm not going to enable my children to act like fools.

Your son is behind you, like you said he knows the truth. She isn't worth your time.
My X MIL (thank god she is an X because I will never have to deal with her again), is just like that but I never thought she was a saint. She bad mouthed me in little ways to my kids when they saw her without me. Stupid little jabs about my cooking, job etc. My kids always told me what she said. The kids have really grown apart from her, they haven't seen her in about 6 months becauses things got worse after X left.
Goodbye to all her negative comments - good riddance.

I agree CarolAnnie - my first question to my children would be "and what have you done?". But evidently she feels her son is perfect, which is why he also thinks he is perfect.

It's funny because my stbx's sister was cheated on by her husband of 30 years and of course it was his fault, not hers, but turn the pages and her son does pretty much the same thing and it's my fault, not his. I will never understand how they can justify all this. But, pemdcat is right, blood is thicker than water and I now fully understand the true meaning of this phrase. I'm living it every day, but I draw the line at involving my son and I've already asked once earlier in this mess for them to leave my son out of it. This is what gets me angry.

But, I will take the high road because my son is mature enough to handle this himself and I believe he'll have enough of it one day and tell them so. Little do they realize that they are alienating their grandchildren by dissing me because both my kids are very protective of me and my feelings right now. I hope they like their new DIL someday and her kids because they are losing the one's they have now little by little. And of course, when that happens, they'll once again blame me. It's a small world they are living in right now. But it will be their loss as well as my stbx's. Thanks for your support.

Ditto for me. I have the same kind of MIL. Fortunately, neither of my girls has anything to do with her. Hang in there. All of this crap we are all going through has to end someday. Maybe?

Chrissy, my SIL was cheated on and left, and OF COURSE, he was the Devil and she didn't do anything to cause it, but when it was her son cheating, it was all my fault.

These women have issues, and like I said, the apple isn't falling too far from the tree. They can't face the fact that their children aren't perfect and they certainly aren't going to get a back bone and make them accept responsibility for their choices. They are always going to scapegoat someone else to explain their kid's bad behavior.

Another thing about my MIL is that she immediately sucks up to my H's whore lovers. When he cheated on me in the late 80s, she had the *itch over to her house for dinner...WHILE WE WERE TOGETHER!!!! She (MIL) got all friendly with the woman...thought she was the cat's meow. She always thinks his lovers are the best. She hates me because I won't play their games (We're perfect). The Whore Lovers still think these nutcases (my H, his mother, sister, and the grandmother) are perfect.

I'm glad to be out of that family. What a dysfunctional, sick bunch of people.

My response to this is a little late (just catching up with some old posts this evening) but here it is:
REMEMBER -- What the MIL says about YOU says more about HER than it does about YOU.
Your son is no dummy -- he knows the score. Don't spend anymore time, energy or headspace on it. Just let it go in one ear and out the other. To give it any creedence will only sap your strength and resolve.