Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Since my ex owns the property next door, and lives a block away, I know his habits. He's been driving by more than usual, working at his duplex more, so, he's single, again.
It's a cycle, one which my boyfriend has also figured out, when ex breaks up, he's more present, and seeks out neighbors to let them know, knowing I will find out.
I really don't care. I like when he's in a relationship because he's not around.
When I filed for divorce, he never said a word. Never fought for the marriage to work.
Now, as my boyfriend puts it, he wants me back. Nothing in God's green earth would let him back into my life.
And, I don't understand why he would want me back. My boyfriend was my boyfriend in college, we became friends again at the end of my marriage, so ex and my boyfriend knew each other. Ex accused me of having an affair, which I didn't. I told him I know you had an affair with a co-worker 3 years before, he denied, then said he did.
So, why, when he loses a girlfriend, does he feel the need to go after me? Anyone else experience this?
It's a cycle, one which my boyfriend has also figured out, when ex breaks up, he's more present, and seeks out neighbors to let them know, knowing I will find out.
I really don't care. I like when he's in a relationship because he's not around.
When I filed for divorce, he never said a word. Never fought for the marriage to work.
Now, as my boyfriend puts it, he wants me back. Nothing in God's green earth would let him back into my life.
And, I don't understand why he would want me back. My boyfriend was my boyfriend in college, we became friends again at the end of my marriage, so ex and my boyfriend knew each other. Ex accused me of having an affair, which I didn't. I told him I know you had an affair with a co-worker 3 years before, he denied, then said he did.
So, why, when he loses a girlfriend, does he feel the need to go after me? Anyone else experience this?
My guess is he's a person that isn't comfortable being alone, whether from insecurity about his self worth, doesn't know how to make more than a peanut butter sandwich, or what.... I work with a few people that can't stand being alone, and some of them have jumped from the frying pan into the proverbial fire.
You look pretty good to him if he can't stand being alone, and the devil we know is often more attractive than the unknown.
Oh dear.... just making sure you know I'm NOT calling you a devil! :)
Glad your boyfriend is comfortable talking with you about it. That sounds healthy to me. Just keep showing him he's the important one in your life and eventually your wasband will wander away again.
Take care.
love and hugs
kamary
Ex was over. He was offering to help me around the house, and if I needed help with the dogs to call him. He was trying to make friends with my 3rd dog, who I got a year after the divorce, and she wanted nothing to do with him. She is a shelter dog, not much history on her, but men scare her. Even with my boyfriend, if he raises his voice, she runs to my side and growls. It wasn't he was mad at me, it's usually the news.
Anyway, I was really wondering WTF?
Apparently, he's fishing around to all my neighbors. So, my neighbor, who just had surgery, is on pain med's and drinking talked to ex. Hard to get a straight answer as to who called who, I'm sure it was my neighbor who called ex, he says he didn't, but he also had pixies causing mayhem in his house.
I know this whole story came from him. I have 2 older male dogs. 1 is close to death, the other diagnosed with cancer again. Ex was with me getting these dogs. So he told ex this. Then told him that my boyfriend will be gone the rest of the month hunting. Talking to this neighbor this morning to help him with household chores, cemented ex's behavior.
Just beware of ex's wanting to get back in your life, and elderly neighbors on drugs and drinking.
I really don't know what you can do about the ex, since he lives next door. Sometimes we have to do what we have to do. Maybe there is a move in your future soon? I know I couldn't live next-door to my ex. Our old house is only a mile or so away as the crow flies but I can't see it and I rarely see him, thank goodness.
I'm sorry to hear about your old dog's illness. Pets are so precious. Maybe your ex really does worry about his old pet? and wants to see him? I can understand that. I have a suspicion the ex actually does miss our cat. My pet is the only one of all the cats we had over the years, that he allowed to sit on his lap, and he would go to her to give her pats!! He never threw her out the window as he did the others, either!
Kudos to you for managing this.
love and hugs
kamary
I would actually request my neighbors, all of them, stop giving any personal information to my ex, explaining I am not interested in any info they have on him either, since he's still a neighbor too. Not putting them in a position of choosing, just asking them to maintain good boundaries. If they can't, keep the small talk to just that.
Sorry to hear about your dog. Never easy seeing our pets get old or ill, knowing we have the responsibility to decide when their quality of life tips to the wrong side of the scale. Sending wishes for comfort for you and your furry family members.