I'd go with my children's request. They belong to them - not her. Explain to her that they want them for themselves. If, in the event they choose to share them with her, she'll have them soon enough. No?

Sorry, I just don't like her. Maybe, I'm being biased here. :)

My first reaction is nope. Of course I'm still in a bit of an angry stage. Its telling that the kids don't feel she has right to these things either. Perhaps they could compromise. Maybe offer something they are willing to share with her.

I'm curious to what others have to say. Like I said, still a little fresh here. When I divided up the Xmas ornaments I did not give stbx any of the ornaments the kids made.

Still fresh here too... But, the kids are essentially adults. If they want the stuff at your place, and your willing to hold it for them, I don't see where she has anything to do with it.

Your children are adults. If they want to leave it with you, so be it. If she is asking for pictures, fine you can get her a copy. It sounds like she is having some regrets and she wants a connection with her children so that they have to call her to get the items.

Do what is best for your children. What they want is your only consideration.

You know, I don't think you owe her anything at all. The items are your children"s and if you have to make copies of photos it's your time and effort - I say tell her tough! If there comes a time that you can easily give her copies of photos fine, but I wouldn't worry about it at all!

Honor your children's requests. I feel she gave up her right to anything when she walked out on all of you.

Would you rather have her upset with you or your children? Who's more important after all you've been through?

Just my opinion.

I also get confused about what is right to do about a lot of things, I often don't think straight and isn't it great that there is this DS group to gather us in, hold our hands and help us thru this???? For that I am very thankful!! ...I have been divorced almost a year now and I in that time I have felt and thought every emotion that there is. :) .. but the one thing I do feel is that my girls are the priority now. He made his choices,as did your Ex and they cannot be in charge. We get to do what we think is best. I wouldn't for one minute give the EX anything. Let the children decide.

Personally, if she walked out and didn't look back for her kids then it's a done deal. Callus? Perhaps, but did she really think about you or the children before walking out? What decisions are made by our ex's may come back to bite them...too bad, so sad. Sorry, a bit of bitterness came out in my response. It just angers me so deeply the hurt our ex's have caused to destroy a family, especially those that have left for someone else. I guess ultimately it is up to your children, and you.

She's the one who walked out so I feel she is not entitled to any of it...she made her choice long ago. I think you should honor your children's request and hang onto it for them. They are the ones who deserve it. She should have thought about the consequences of turning her back on her family before she left.

I agree with everyone here. I liked what Chrissy said about who would you rather be upset with you, her or your kids? She has proved unloyal and not caring. Your kids trust you and know that you are there for the long haul, and that you will respect and honor their stuff until you want it and won't play games with them. Great answers by everyone. I also agree, she walked out so she has no more say! This is one of the consequences to her decision. I'm sure there are more consequences on the horizon for her.

I agree with the rest, if she had been interested back then is one thing but now....tough cookies....keep them for you r children, give the stuff to them if and when they want it...then if they want they can give it to har....my 2 cents worth

I AGREE. SEND HER NOTHING.

I would tell her to contact the kids directly. It's their stuff so leave you out of it.

I would tell the kids separately that if they choose to give her a small sentimental item, you will send it off TO THEM and they can do as they like. They might also want a couple small items for themselves during their college years ... memories of their childhood and connection with you. Keep it to small stuff that is easy to retrieve and send to them.

An important qualifier, make make sure this is not too draining or burdensome on you. If it is, the kids can get the items themselves next time they visit. You have plenty to do getting on with your new life and do not need to be running to the attic every time X calls.

If she is really as cruel as you describe, it was just a passing fancy for her or, more likely, just a way to cop a feel off of your emotional reaction to the call. If that's her true personality, she probably has moved on by now and isn't hung up on the items. My guess is the thing she's toying with is her past relationship with you. Otherwise, she would have called the kids directly.

Unless you too are clinging to that old connection, I would nip any future requests in the bud, redirecting them as you can (to the kids for example) instead of giving them so much thought and deliberation.

Just my take, but I'm admittedly a newb to the whole separated thing.