Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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lostwh 01/04/2014

I have so many thoughts going through my head today. I feel cheated that my ex has done this to me and my family. My son and his girlfriend broke up, I hoped they would move out and get a place together and be happy for the sake of my grandaughter. I guess it's a good thing it happened now instead of later though. I guess I'm being selfish, but I'm so mad at my ex for leaving me with this responsibility. I can't be cold like her and just walk off and leave my son and his daughter, he's still young and needs help with her and she deserves all the love she can get. So I feel like I can't move on, I know it's too early to think about a relationship and what woman would want one with a man that has a 22 year old son and a 4 year old grandkid living with them. I am crazy about that little girl, sometimes she's the only thing that can make me smile. I believe strongly in God and that everything happens for a reason and is part of his plan, but how can such pain and confusion be apart of his plan? I guess i'm just venting, it just feels better to talk to people that are going through the same journey.

CowgirlKathi 01/04/2014

Lost, it's fairly normal to still have those feelings of being cheated and having to bear extra responsibility following a major life change. My suggestion would be to try to take your focus OFF of your own plight and put all the love and energy you have into the relationship with your son and your granddaughter. Easier said than done at times, but that little girl obviously brings you so much joy!

And venting is a good thing. That's what we're here for -- to listen and console. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

PsiChi 01/04/2014

Vent away....this place is good for that. :)

As for your situation....if a man is going to be scared away because you are a responsible mother and grandmother...then shame on him and he isn't worth your time anyways.

lostwh 01/04/2014

LoL.....PsiChi, I'm not interested in a man since I am one. But I see what your saying and it's true for either a man or a woman.Thanks

Misred 01/04/2014

I hear you loud and clear. I felt the same way during our marriage. I was alwAys left behind with the kids while he pursued hobbies and went on trips with his buddies. Then when we divorced, the kids lived with me (still do but in their 20's) and I couldn't go on trips and just leave them. They were good kids, just a little to young to leave alone for days. It made me angry that he could still pick up and go without responsibility.

Trust me. There are plenty of quality women who won't be scared away by you having a son and granddaughter living with you. I dated a guy who had both his adult kids living with him while they were in college. Just don't let your son take advantage of you with the child. He can do a good job raising her. I know plenty of men raising children.

PsiChi 01/04/2014

LOL sorry lostwh....yes...any WOMAN not interested in a man taking care of his own son and grandaughter doesn't deserve a relationship with you. :)

Lori63 01/04/2014

Vent away-it's normal! You are not alone

lori47 01/04/2014

I agree great place to vent and lostwh I can tell you as a woman I am looking for a man that has the emotions and depth of commitment that you have. Lots of women will be looking for these qualities vs someone with alcohol problems or just plain self centered. Allow yourself time to heal from what your Stbx has done and then your heart will be open to find new a new and deserving love.

Moscato 01/04/2014

Regarding your statement about this all being a part of God's plan....I also have a strong faith... I couldn't have gotten through these past few years without God. I don't think that separation and divorce are truly a part of God's plan, but if you let Him, He can give you the strength and support to get through all this confusion and heartache, and make something good all come from it. Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11 are two verses that give me hope for the future.

lycesq 01/05/2014

Venting is healthy. I know that it is hard being the adult in the family, but remember that you are strong emotionally. My best wishes to you.

KRKing911 01/05/2014

Your a good Dad and a good grandpa. What more could anyone ask for? As for your ex? She's just missing out - sad for her. Good for you! You don't have to deal with her. Count your blessing buddy - they may not seem like blessings right now, but believe me they are.

Vent away - that's what we are here for.

zouga 01/05/2014

Feel free to vent here. This is the most extraordinary support group. Everyone here to help you with good advice and many hugs.

dairytech 01/05/2014

Venting is a healthy thing to do...we've all done it so vent away! I am not a religious person but I am spiritual and a firm believer in...everything happens for a reason. As hard as it was for me to believe at times...one of my mantras was...I am where I am supposed to be and doing what I am supposed to be doing. Somehow...it helped to make sense out of the unsensicle..ya know. I knew I was being taken care of and that there was nothing handed to me that I wasnt able to handle...even if it hurt like hell...Big Hugs...Kathy

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