Why am I so sad? For months I couldn't wait until this was all over. And now it is. Did anyone else experience this?

I did. It seemed that the finality of the situation brought me feelings of sadness too. I couldn't understand why instead of feeling like a weight had been lifted, I felt more grief. I think it's because the ties to my ex were being cut. It's hard to let go. Even fighting over house, finances, parenting arrangements it felt like it was still something. A reason to talk every day. As everything finalizes it's doors closing and another step further away from each other.

I know in my head this is for the best, but it still hurts.

I understand that sentiment. We did the right thing. We both know that. Why does this feel so bad then?

I feel really out of sorts.

Mine hit me when the farm was deeded to me. Even though it was almost 7 years post divorce. There were three contempt hearings during those 6 + years so I was still tied to the ex on some level. We were still on the mortgage together. I'm okay now and I will never have to deal with the ex again. I suspect that as soon as we were finally financially untangled he also turned his back on his daughter and his only grand children. So all ties have been cut and it was past time. I also paid off the mortgage so we are not tied to that.

For me...I did not want either of the divorces...I fought to keep us together and my family in tact. When the 2nd divorce was final...my heart was heavy with sadness. Even though I knew it was the right thing because I could not hold the marriage together all by myself...it was the ending of a lifetime. We spent 30 years together. Here in Canada..when you are sentenced to life that equates to 25 years. Even though I had another 20 ish years ahead of me...the ending of that lifetime was sad and I mourned that loss for some time. Now...I have a better understanding and am looking forward to what is in my future. I think its normal to mourn that loss regardless of who wanted the divorce. The ending of a long term marriage is truly a sad event...Big Hugs...Kathy

Everyone's right - your sad because it's the end of a life, the end of a relationship and all the tension that you have been feeling is done. It's all normal and you need time to really grieve now....not just try and make it through. (((Hugs)))

You are feeling sad because you are finally closing that door on the past. Sure, it feels great to finally do it. I cried the day it was finally over. You will need to start looking after yourself. Enjoy your new place. Make it truly yours. Hugs

I think part of it is because the last 17 months you've had something to occupy your mind and it kind of puts the end of that life on the back burner. When all of that is finally over; you're left with the fact that your marriage is over and there is nothing to distract you from the pain.

This is normal because no matter what the marriage was like it's over and it's a loss so grieving comes with the territory. You had to put it out of your mind before because there were important things to do. Now the important thing is letting the grief happen. That's the best way to get through it; to feel the feelings as they come. Eventually it will get better.

lemaym1.wordpress.com/

It's a series of up and down. Keep moving forward.

What you're feeling is perfectly normal. As everyone has already said, the ending of a long-term marriage is a significant loss in life that will affect us to some degree the rest of our lives. Give yourself time to grieve the loss, but also focus on something each day that brings you a bit of joy. It may be something like a phone call from a friend, freshly baked cookies, a funny TV show, a good book, a beautiful snowfall, etc. Do some self-care activites like a massage or man/pedi to help lift your spirits. Take one day at a time. Sending you hugs!

I think your feelings are very normal. I had the same experience, and I think that you spend so many months in fight and survival mode that you don't have time to acknowledge the sadness. Moscato gave good advice--be gentle with yourself right now.

Sending healing hugs!

Thanks, ya'll for your wisdom and advice. I really appreciate it.

This must be the depression phase of the five stages of grief. I think I've been through the first three already. So, the fifth one is acceptance. I feel like I've already "accepted" the fact that I am now divorced and on my own. Perhaps there is more to it than I know.

GG, grief isn't as cut and dried as it looks on paper. Don't I wish!

I think you're right and there is more to getting over a divorce than any of us realise until we're in it. I was the one who chose to leave. I thought I'd be instantly happy just to get away from the bloke who was driving me to distraction, but I still grieve the loss of that wonderful man I married and also the dream I held close to my heart of growing old together with our kids and grands all around us.

If you allow yourself to feel the sadness, you'll do better than if you try to squash it down. I'm 6 1/2 years out and still have my days. I really loved that guy I met at 13 and married at 18.

love and hugs
kamary