I'm in SC and you should be in court asking for temp alimony. That's why my divorce was done in 3 court hearings. You need to get online and look up divorce for SC. You can't date until the divorce is final. Anything that looks like you might have a relationship with another man could cost you your alimony

The divorce laws plainly state that the one who commits adultery will not get alimony...ever. I know a lady who tried and every atty told her she would not get alimony. l know you are just talking about dating but I was warned not to date until the divorce was over. You do know that you can't live in the same house with your stbx during that year.

Our divorce took place in Florida, I had moved 700 miles away but my lawyer told me not to do anything that I would not be proud for the judge to see.
If in SC the law says not to I would not. You do not want to jeopardize your case, it is very important if you are seeking alimony or any kind of settlement.
You still have a lot of years to go at 55 :)

My personal rule of thumb is (regardless of what state you reside in) is you are MARRIED until you are DIVORCED. Period. No ifs ands or buts. If your husband had an affair, two wrongs DON'T make a right. And since you ARE in South Carolina, I'm chiming in with Trisha9054 who knows the law down there.

I'm not a moralist or a Bible-thumper; I just know from personal experience and from my presence on this site for the last 5 years or so, it takes at least a year to move beyond the whole divorce process and get your head on straight again. Never a good idea to get involved in another relationship until you are 100% clear of the present one.

That's my two cents. Take it or leave it.

I agree, don't date until final. If it takes a year, big deal. You can use that time constructively. I joined a dining meetup and ate out at new places my ex wasn't ever interested in. I met lots of nice people and made friends along the way. It was kind of like faux dating lol.

I get the wanting to date thing....I've tried and its something you have to ease into. Mostly because wether you think so or not, your opinion of men is skewed right now. You are going to judge every guy you meet against the character of your husband. That's not a healthy way to start a relationship.

I know for me, I'm so anti-man right now, I could not be fair to even the greatest guy in the world.

So...I'm waiting. I go out in groups. I try to take mental inventory of how I am viewing people. Men and women. Truth be told, I haven't been too happy with myself lately. I'm very cynical. One of my goals is to learn to look for good again instead of focusing on the bad. We all have flaws. We are all imperfect. But those things shouldn't be the only defining factor of who we are. This who process of breaking up my life has brought out a very negative side I never knew I had.

I agree with Kathi - you're either married or you're not. Why the hurry to date? Use this time to heal and learn from the past. Rushing into a new relationship too soon may end up causing you more heartache. I'm a year past final divorce and still not sure if I'm ready to date. Of course, everybody's timeline and road to recovery is different. I'm 56 and don't feel like time is running out on me. As hard as the past four years have been, it has been a time of learning and growth. For that, I am thankful.

Hey, slow down, you need the "ME TIME". Do things for yourself. Pamper yourself. I have been divorced almost 4 years this July, separated 7 yrs this September and I am still taking time for myself. I earned it and I damn well deserve it too. Jumping from the frying pan into the fire, is not a good thing. I am alone, but I do not feel lonely. Hugs

IDK that I agree with the "either married or not" ideology. Like me, many people choose separation over divorce purely for financial reasons. We are getting legally separated but consider oruselves divorced. Our agreement is, if one of us decided to marry again, we will then get the legal divorce (which were we live, is only a signature away after separation-no further legal proceedings need to be had)

A legal separation is a bit different from what golden is doing. Yes if you have a legal separation with all issues agreed on you probably could date after you put some time and work into your personal issues. Golden doesn't have a legal separation. To get a divorce in SC you have to live separate and apart from your spouse or one of them has to commit adultery. Unless you have a legal separation you are still married until you have those divorce papers.

No dating for me yet, so I don't have a good answer, but I wish you will. Try to get into a good support group to help you through the journey you are making.

I have a friend who's been divorced for about 5 years now. She's never been alone - she just can't be. It's sad really because being with someone else consumes her - she's jumping from one guy, to another and none of them are really good. She's never really taken time for herself and keeps saying that she likes having someone to cuddle with.

I say who doesn't? But sometimes, the best place to start is with yourself.

I think finally, this year - 3 years from DDay is the year that I will begin dating. We'll see what happens - it's scary and there are a lot of freaks out there - but if your careful, you might find someone suited to you.

BUT.....I am a firm believer that until that divorce is final, then you are still married. I agree with Cowgirl. 100%

I wish you every luck. If I were to relate my three years of experience it would depress me unutterably so I won't.
I hope the 'over 55" division is a completely different thing where you are than where I am .
Wish I were a lesbian.

If SC law says don't date, then I wouldn't. You don't want to jeopardize your financial settlement.

I think jumping in to date right away is a mistake. My divorce took 11 months and I thought I was ready to date. Boy, was I WRONG!! Just because I was single again didn't mean I was emotionally ready for dating. I attracted two losers right off the bat and after the second one, I took a two year dating break. During that time I read a book called "Date or Soul Mate" which changed my whole perspective on why I wanted to date and who I wanted to date. What I learned from the great book is that you have to take time and heal and know yourself first. That way you are fully ready for the next person who comes along and you make better choices. That book has made a tremendous difference in my life. I now date on MY TERMS, and if I don't like the terms I'm getting from a guy, I walk away. Before I read this book, I would have turned cartwheels to keep a guy's interest. Now I know I don't need that man to have a great life.

Please take your time.

I never really dated anyone in those first years or before the divorce .
I just wasn't ready to be with anyone .on a date .........
I met a bunch of nice people through meet up groups and single dances .
We all just met at different functions and had a good time ...
I don't see anything wrong for you to go out with groups of people that have something in commend with you .
When I did finally meet my "Now " wife at a singles dance We just always stayed together and met at the dances ... I would walk her to her car and then I would go home .. We did that for about a year ,, then we dated .......... Sounds funny ................ I was 65 years old and ..dating .. OMG ..LOL . .

So, there's nothing wrong with you going out with friends ............ In my opinion !!!!!!
Take care ................ Timeman

Waiting for the official divorce is just the right thing to do.