I have had more bad luck than good luck. The one person who was good is my most recent. She has firm opinions, which I like. I hate the wishy-washy echoing of what I just said; I can have a girlfriend do that. . I swear to god, I almost caught one bad one falling asleep on me. It's time-consuming, but I would try another rather than stick with a mediocre therapist.

If you don't like her - find someone else. I know it's hard to tell after only two sessions, but I think your gut is telling you something.

Agreed--find one you feel comfortable with, but also be aware that many counselors won't tell you what to do. They listen and help guide you to figure out and create your own solutions. My counselor has those maddening 'quiet moments' too.

Hang in there, don't give up.

I have to say that I did have one that I couldn't connect with. I did see my daughter's one time but didn't really like some things about her. Of course my daughter liked her because we ( me and ex) were always not quite right.

This one I have now has been fantastic. In fact he's the one who had me researching Narcissism. He would put out comments for me to think about. He's the one who asked me "had the ex married one of his OW yet?" The very next visit I asked him how did he know that would happen? Yes, the ex did marry and my therapist's question sent me off on a hunt. I don't regret what I found.

If you aren't comfortable on some level with the woman you are seeing try another one. There are good therapist and bad. You can't go by what they charge. If you are comfortable with talking to friends about this try to get recommendations. I was fortunate to be working on a farm where there were two therapist boarding horses. While they couldn't see me I did get the recomendation on the one I still see today.

Ive been lucky here, the first one I saw i liked!
I saw one i did not like back home. it may take a few tries to get the right one.

Don't doubt your instincts. Your therapist should be there for you and not your insurance only. In prior therapy - over 10 years ago I didn't make a connection and knew it wasn't right for me. For the divorce, I know I have one now who is helping me -- and there are some sessions that may not click but overall I know I had a sense of being heard and direction provide to my thinking and sorting things out. Unlike sharing the names of doctors or dentists, it's not a water cooler topic of recommendations. You are trying one out to see if s/he is a match for what you need for support and healing. Hang in there. I've confidence you'll find the one who will journey with you.

I agree, if you don't think she is a good fit for you then it is time to look for another. Trust your gut.

Mine has been so helpful and supportive, I couldn't have moved forward without her.

You'll find the right one and it will be worth it.

If EAP means employee assistance program, you may only have 3 ( free) sessions with this therapist. If you have health insurance with mental health benefits please find a therapist through them that is in your plan for longer term therapy. EAP provide services for free to you for one or three sessions with therapists, lawyers, financial advice in crisis situations, substance abuse, life events i.e. birth, death, accidents, employment issues. It is confidential and they do not report to your employer. It can be a long term connection, but often only crisis counseling.

An example of this is with EAP, I was able to get a free appointment with a lawyer for a half hour many years ago when my husband threatened me with divorce in one of his many times! This lawyer did not do free consults, but was paid by the company my husband worked for under Employee Assistance Program for this half hour and of course it was a way for him to find new clients, but on the other hand, he wa a very good lawyer I would not have had access to.

I believe a good therapist can help be an objective and important part of dealing with a long term marriage that ends in divorce. One way to find a good one is to ask someone you respect who they have used or have a therapist. My ex and I went to therapy in 1995 with a great one.. I went back in 2003, the next time my ex wanted a divorce. I divorced in 2008, and can call him anytime.. he is an important part of my life, and with not much family and no kids, a good guy in my corner. Not everyone finds a therapist right away, and although hard, keep looking for a good fit. If you EAP, and health insurance, keep looking in your plan. I believe in finding someone with a Ph.d, but that is my personal opinion.

I'm in the process of changing psychiatrists. The one I've been seeing I just don't feel I've connected with. I have a recommendation from my therapist--a Ph.D--but the new psychiatrist can't see me for a month.
I'm on meds with the psychiatrist I've been seeing, so I was reluctant to switch, but after 6 appointments with this doctor, I still don't feel a connection.
I hope the new pschiatrist will be a good fit for me. I like the therapist, so I'm hopeful, but there are never any guarantees.
Trust your feelings. If MsTerey is correct, and you only have 3 sessions, you should start looking for a new therapist now. The ones who take insurance seem to have fewer appointments available. At least, that's been my experience. My therapist, who does not take my insurance, was able to give me an appointment within a week of when I called, but the psychiatrist I've been seeing was the only one of the 6 local doctors who take my insurance who had an appointment available in less than 3 weeks.

I wish I could go to the one that I sent my son to. I really liked him. I haven't any insurance. However, I do have 3 EAP sessions that I can use. This is a good topic and reminds me that I need to make the appointments... hugs.!

How about a church group. They provide councelling. I am going to one and it is free. You pay only if you are able to pay. At first I paid 10 dollars for a 1 hr session The Catholic church provides such services to anyone who is in dire need.

Hmmmm. This is a tough one! First of all, after reading all the responses, it is important that you KNOW the DIFFERENCE between a counselor, a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist (who may or may not do "talk therapy" as part of his/her practice). And I can only speak from my own experience, which was excellent. I have a psychiatrist who treats my ADHD. During the 18 Months of Hell, he also addressed my anxiety and the reactive depression I went into when things dragged on and on. He consulted with my therapist who I saw weekly and sometimes TWICE A WEEK when I was in the thick of it. While he and I would chat a bit if I had to go in for "medication maintenance" his area of specialty at the time was Adult ADHD and while fully qualified to do talk therapy with me on any subject, he knew the level of expertise of my therapist and felt that she was handling my case most effectively. And she definitely was!

The biggest difference between what a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist is that a psychiatrist also holds an M.D. so they can prescribe medications. A well-qualified and EXPERIENCED psychotherapist can tell if and when some medication may be in order and most of the time will be willing to talk with your family doctor or internist to make recommendations.

From what you have written, I'm not sure if the therapist you saw is actually all that experienced in dealing with women going through divorce. THAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT! While my therapist has never been married (and she's close to my age!) she had 25 years of practical experience working with women in all kinds of situations -- bad marriages, bad relationships, with and without children, all ages and across all race and income levels. I was lucky in that I had some history with her; she had rented space in the building where I worked back in the early 1990's and we met in the cafeteria. Not long after that, I went to her with some issues I was having in my job and my career. So she was the logical choice for me when my marriage suddenly exploded in 2005 and I was SO LUCKY to have her!

Now I am a talker, so therapy is pretty easy for me -- at least giving voice to all the emotions and confusion that are inside of me. But something you MUST KNOW is that a therapist is NOT GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO -- at least, they shouldn't. That would be questionable for someone in their position. They should MAKE SUGGESTIONS and a good therapist has what it takes to ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS that really MAKE YOU THINK! Then it's up to you to be totally honest with yourself when you answer. Remember that the therapist's job is to HELP YOU FIND THE SOLUTIONS WITHIN YOURSELF.

Bottom line: if what MsTerey surmises about this being part of your employee benefits (three sessions only) then I would urge you to start looking for another therapist, using the suggestions others have made. Good therapy is not cheap, but it is the BEST INVESTMENT YOU WILL EVER MAKE!

And not to smite knuckle's suggestion, but I'm not sure a church group can offer the same level of clinical expertise as a bona fide mental health practicitioner.

If you need more information about what THERAPY is, try using BING.COM as your search engine and see what you come up with.

Thanks everyone. Yes, my EAP gives 3 free – guess it’s better than nothing. I do have insurance, but it’s one of those “high deductable” plans that doesn’t pay until you reach the deductable and since I have the “family plan” the deductable is even higher. But, I am fortunate to have a great job that supports me well. (I’ve made the painful realization that my paycheck is the only thing my stbx cared about for a really long time) and luckily I can afford it (for a while) But, I see this as an investment in my future and I’M WORTH IT.

The person I am seeing is a LMHC. It wasn’t as difficult to get me started talking as I thought it would be. It just didn’t seem like she asked very many questions and the only suggestion she made was to go visit my best friend in TN - I already KNEW that and have DONE it and plan to again. But since I don’t have any therapy experience to compare to, I just don’t want to give up without giving her enough of a chance. I guess I’d feel a little better if she had made more of an effort to make the next appointment. And … it seemed like an after-thought to write down a “goal” of getting my divorce (she said in case she gets audited)??. My goal is really to try to let go of the guilt (which I really shouldn’t have anyway) and get started on finding me. I’ve been married more than half my life – I don’t know how to just be me.

I did print out the list of “authorized” names again so I can look at it over the weekend. I was primarily looking at female therapists, but wonder now if perhaps a male might be different? I guess I’ll figure it out eventually.

Yorkieluvr:
As you work your way through that list, look for the letters behind the name! To me, the more letters, the more qualified the person is!
And keep track of what you spend and if you aren't divorced yet, TAKE AN ACCOUNTING of what you spend on co-pays and deductibles TO YOUR ATTORNEY! The therapist I saw doesn't accept my insurance (she saw me as a private client) and my now-X had to reimburse me for all those sessions because the way he left the marriage is what threw me into such a tizzy!
Also, did you TELL her about the ever-present feelings of GUILT that you have? If you think you may have trouble communicating these things, print out some of the topics/journals/comments you have written here and READ PORTIONS OF THEM to the therapist when you are in session.
I always took my hand-written journals with me to my sessions and very often read parts of them aloud. This was very helpful in our work and because I wrote in my journal at least once a day, the feelings and thoughts were all there.
Don't just say you will "figure it out eventually" my dear. THINK FORWARD! Say "I will figure this out by (such and such a day) and then call to make an appointment!"

Sometimes, a change in therapists is a good idea. I think it's important to have someone you can trust and work well with. I wish I could send you to mine - she is wonderful!