Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
I must say I don't get on here as much lately. I felt I needed a bit of a break, sometimes I find it sets me back a bit with triggers (some of the things people are going through)
But in my life I am doing well. I am dating although nobody seriously right now. I am going out with friends, going to see my college daughter play soccer, keeping busy with the high schooler and all of her activities and find that I am going really great.
The ex started being a total ass. He owes me money and has a new girlfriend, funny how both of those things make him nastier to his kids and to me...I don't care, but it kills me to see how it hurts the girls! He then sent a text last night saying sorry for the other day...I just replied whatever. I am finished letting him be the victim when it is his choices that set him up to be a lonely miserable human being. And it is amazing how good I have felt in being able to just let it all go. I don't focus on him anymore and stopped making excuses for him. I now just listen to the girls talk it out with me and try to support them.
This is a super long journey. I can't believe I finally got to the point where he does not consume my every waking thought anymore. So for any newbies on here, you will get there. If I can anyone can. I felt completely destroyed when it all went down a couple of years ago and I am stronger now than I have EVER been in my adult life!!!
But in my life I am doing well. I am dating although nobody seriously right now. I am going out with friends, going to see my college daughter play soccer, keeping busy with the high schooler and all of her activities and find that I am going really great.
The ex started being a total ass. He owes me money and has a new girlfriend, funny how both of those things make him nastier to his kids and to me...I don't care, but it kills me to see how it hurts the girls! He then sent a text last night saying sorry for the other day...I just replied whatever. I am finished letting him be the victim when it is his choices that set him up to be a lonely miserable human being. And it is amazing how good I have felt in being able to just let it all go. I don't focus on him anymore and stopped making excuses for him. I now just listen to the girls talk it out with me and try to support them.
This is a super long journey. I can't believe I finally got to the point where he does not consume my every waking thought anymore. So for any newbies on here, you will get there. If I can anyone can. I felt completely destroyed when it all went down a couple of years ago and I am stronger now than I have EVER been in my adult life!!!
To the newbies: allow yourselves to feel the emotions and work through them each time till you reach the point of acceptance - again and again. That makes it quicker. We each have different timetables, different things to work through, so the time it takes is different for each of us. I believe if you face each challenge squarely, see a good therapist if you need to, and want to heal, it goes better.
love and hugs
kamary
To cantstay2: Thanks for the encouragement and sharing your experience.
I too have been heavily involved with the kids and trying
to focus on a more exciting social life with my friends.
To seethedawn: Let me know when you find the shortcut :)
I found that once I STOPPED focusing on the life that I thought he was living and all the wrongs he had done to me that the healing came easier, but it took me a while, not gonna lie about that. It still hits me sometimes and I allow myself the feelings and the anger and the tears but shut it down quicker than I used to. The kids need me, I need them and I can't allow either of those if I am a complete mess all the time.
I have a full, fun life now and am able to see things in a much clearer perspective than before (his reality vs my idea of his real life) and know that he has not changed as a person, he is not happy and he will never take responsibility...who would want to go back to that????
I still get a step-back every now and then too, but it just shows me a little something else I need to work through and then I'm better. I remember when I was here on DS at the beginning, that posts like yours helped me see that I could make it. And not only make it but have a better life.
I'm there too, but it's a nice reminder of where I've been and where I am now.