Totally normal. Purging so old stuff. I doesn't mean a set back. You are moving on.

As far as figuring out the EX....forgettaboutit. They are not like you so nothing makes sense. (((HUGS))) Onward and upward my friend. (((HUGS)))

It is different for everyone. For me i guess because the divorce went on for so long, over two years, all i felt was relief at the time. Sometimes however now a year later i do feel sadness that it did not work and that divorce was the only solution :(
Im sure any feelings you are having are all part of it and normal.

hugs

I agree...totally normal. A marriage ending is a very sad thing. With the marriage ending...so does all the hopes and dreams that come along with it. Its a death. Grieving that loss and disappointments is very normal. Misred is right...its not a set back...your tears show your respect and honour for the marriage...it acknowledges your efforts to keep it alive and your sadness in the marriage failing. It shows your heart...Big Hugs...Kathy

Tears are for the ending.
Anger is for everything that happened to you before that.

Both emotions are normal and part of the grief work you must now do, even though the divorce was wanted, it is still a major loss. A major change in your life.

Don't let the tears or the anger upset you. They will be with you for awhile, but will subside with time.
You will be able to restructure your life and find your own way.

You have done well, sister.
Be proud.

You know …………… there’s so many emotions we go through in a divorce . So many changes in our lives ….
You are a normal , compassionate, loving person and Mother.
Normal people cry ……… It’s ok…………..
I still (After 4 years from divorce and 7years since she first ran off ) ..I still have my moments ………. Crying ………. Not as bad as it use to be … but never the less ,it still happens …
Takes time my dear …………..
God be with you…………..
Remain the good person that you are ….. Don’t let him change you…..
Timeman

Divorce is the death of a dream, and not just one dream. You just divorced yesterday, and sometimes after all the legal is done, you allow yourself to feel the emotional even more. Give yourself the gift of time. Most of us did not want to hear it, but as an old timer, and I have been here since 2008, when Over Twenty started, I can safely say, that the roller coaster does not stop with the signing of the divorce decree. Nor will it or should it, solve all problems. Some are confused and feel that they should be "happy" after a divorce. Relieved maybe, but for me it is nothing to celebrate. AND it is a long journey, sometimes like many things, when all said and signed, a let down. It is all right to be emotional.

I came here in a good place, because I had a huge advantage, nothing was unsaid or untried between my ex and I. My experience here is that most do not have that. Many of you were "left behind" as we say either with infidelity or a walk away spouse. If you had either of those issues, and I did not, I believe that you are wounded. You can not change what happened in the past, you can only what can change in your future! I also had therapy, which if you did not do it during the process of divorce, I highly recommend to anyone to resolve and be able to go forward. Some people do the work during the divorce, some after, some like both,but either way, you have to do the work. AND it is not a life sentence either, the goal is to not let this ruin or take over your whole existence. I have said this many times, as far as we know, no one has ever died from getting divorced, it just feels that way. Living well is the best revenge, and the only person that can do that, is yourself. It is not about an ex, it is not about what he did or did not do, it is about you not letting that person or the divorce, ruin the rest of your life.

For some, you have not worked out all the emotions and the anger, because the goal was to be to the legal side of the divorce. You also have to take the focus off the ex, and now turn it on to you. He is not going to give you any answers, to the whys! You are normal to feel the way you do today! This is going to take more time.. ((HUGS))

It is normal, and it's a stress reliever to cry. :) I agree with the others, let the tears flow and grieve. If you try to suppress them, that usually just leads to a prolonged grieving/anger process. It may happen for quite a while, but it will lessen as you move forward. I've been divorced since 2008, and I'm like a lot of people here, I'm actually glad I don't have to deal with him anymore. But, I do get sad sometimes when my daughters are hurting or stressed because of something their dad is doing. It's usually something selfish. Or, yesterday I teared up thinking about my oldest daughter's wedding as we were discussing the father/daughter dance. I suddenly had a flashback to the day she was born, and how he had proudly worn a specially made t-shirt for that day. The good news is, that is all that it was. It didn't leave me in a funk or affect me at all the rest of the day. It was a sweet memory, and that's all. :)

I agree, so many intelligent women on this board (ok men too!!!)

I still cry at the oddest times about the oddest things but my kids say that is just me! It has become a little joke with us...did you cry? Did you? lol

Life is about to get so much better

I've been divorced for a year and separated for almost two, and I will tell you that some of my days are still meant for crying. I stuffed so many emotions during the marriage that it took me a while to catch up with all of the emotions that needed to re-surface so that I could heal. Let the tears flow - they need to happen. There is so much going on inside your mind and heart right now, and crying helps get rid of some of that overwhelming emotional pressure.
Big Hugs,
Tracy

Those tears represent a lot of things -- relief, mostly -- but don't expect to just wake up one day and no longer have any feelings about what you have just been through. Most of us had to fight long and hard to get what we rightfully deserved in the divorce settlement, but there isn't enough money in the world to ever make it right if you have been betrayed or abandoned.

I fought the idea tooth and nail, but now -- 6 years post final divorce -- I have to say that the old adage is true. For every 5 years of a marriage, it takes 1 year to move BEYOND the divorce. That doesn't mean you have to hide under the bed, wear black and become a recluse. The "moving beyond" is a process which takes some time. Your feelings will change gradually, but it's important to experience all your feelings as they come up. Only then can you deal with them and let them go.

As MsTerey recommended, if you did NOT have the benefit of a good counselor or therapist throughout the divorce process, it is an exellent idea to find one now. A trained professional will help you work through the aftermath in a constructive way. No one dances out of the courthouse -- most of the time, there is "unfinished emotional business" between people who divorce. And there is that issue of CLOSURE -- something that you don't "get" from the other person. Closure comes from WITHIN. That's where a good therapist can help you.

I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers, my dear. Know that us old-timers aren't just blowing smoke. We are well beyond it all now, but we have stuck around to lend the wisdom of our experience to all the new folks who have come on board since 2008. We are here to support our members through divorce and BEYOND IT. xoxox

I appreciate all the advice. I started the legal part in june 2012 but i had already removed him from our home in sept 2010 so its not like its a new thing. I am so much better. I don't want anyone to think I am celebrating. (ok I did ask the manager at olive garden if they had a complimentary "i'm divorced" drink to offer yesterday. lol) I am just moving on. It's just another day. I am not reliving my life with him. I had the "dream" of what I wanted and no I didn't get it. I got constant cheating, abandonment, 2 stds and lots of broken promises.

I have let my sons handle their own grief. I am here if they need to talk or just hug. I did do counseling during the process to be told I am doing everything the right way. I just move through the meltdowns. Not many. Just today. I think it is more a "wow this took some time" jag. The tears flowed. They dried. And then more came. But not all day. and not heavy. More when I would tell friends or relatives how it went.

I survived all this time. I learned to help myself because he sure as hell didn't help. I am paying a large loan he used but it is worth it I guess to be free of the constant waiting, the delays on his part, the lies he's told his lawyer, the postponements, the should woulda coulda's. It is a new day. And I plan on grasping a life that I am entitled to. Long time coming.

My divorce has been final for 8 months, following a separation of 3 years. The day the divorce was actually final was very anti climatic. I felt very sad, but not the devastation that I expected. I guess that the majority of my crying and anger was expressed during the 3 years of separation. Don't get me wrong, I certainly have had some crying jags since the divorce was final, but nowhere near what I experienced in the 3 years prior to it. I felt some relief that the legal process was over, but no sense of relief or celebration that our marriage was officially over. I never wanted the divorce and still wish it hadn't happened. For the most part, I'm moving on (what choice is there, really?) , but I still feel a deep sense of sadness and loss. Kathi, I found your remarks about closure very interesting...how we will never get closure from our exes, but it has to come within ourselves. I am working on that. I still see a counselor regularly, although, not as often as before. Feel free to expand on your thought about closure coming from WITHIN and how that happens. And I think you're right about 1 year of healing for every 5 years of marriage. I am coming up on 4 years and I still have a lot of healing ahead of me. Nohappy - I think what you are experiencing is perfectly normal and to be expected. Give yourself time to process all the emotions and deal with them as they come...and go!

My divorce was final 1 year ago on 5/18. He's been gone for 2 years and I do still think about it everyday. The tears will stop eventually - This was just another long standing hurdle that you have gone over. If you need to cry then cry - the tears are there because you have a heart... Your not pushing your feelings down - your allowing them to happen - THAT'S FANTASTIC...

You have to feel it to get through it.

As for your sons, their feelings are different - they are dealing with it in the best way they can and from what you say, they got some stuff off their chests - so it's all good. I know you hurt for them, but you can't control it - you know that. It's funny how our hearts not only break for ourselves, but for our babies (no matter how old they are).

Treat yourself gently - this is a huge transformation you are going through. Cowgirl's right I think about the 1 for every 5 rule - I can feel it's true. So that means I've got 3 more to go and my feelings have changed a bit. I saw a picture on FB of the X and his whore the other day and I wondered to myself - Who is that man? He looked so old. I wish I would have listened to my intuition 28 years ago, but then I wouldn't have my two beautiful girls. I was listening to a telesummit interview yesterday and there was a gal featured who said it simply. "Nothing is by chance... everything that happens - happens for a reason. This is all to bring you to the next level of enlightenment." There are no coincidences.

Sooooo...onward and upward we go... Look for the gifts... for instance, now you know what you DON'T want.

You'll be OK sister - you've already gone through all the hard stuff. XXOO

I did that for years, nohappy. Sometimes there didn't seem to be any trigger. The tears must have reached the "full" mark and they just rolled out and down my cheeks.

Tears create a chemical change in the body which promotes healing. Let them keep coming as long as it's appropriate with what you're doing. You're getting better :)

love and hugs
kamary

Some say crying are angels' tears and they fall for sadness and happiness. In times of sadness, the angels are crying for the plight of the emotionally dead soul. It is said that your tears are the intercessions when the Lord is trying to present a "break-thru" for you is about to happen [ for your protection while rebellion wants you to do the opposite]. There is a "do-over" coming.

There is much truth for us humans on earth, tears are our grieving process, it's a sign of having inherent love for the other despite their faults. Even our Lord cannot make a person love him. He allows those who resist his love, to follow their will and hope their consequences will lead them way back to the right path. Meanwhile, we learn it's for our good because there is a better FUTURE in store for us. Stay in trust on this. Divorce Care will help.