Developing a Positive Attitude DAPA Community Group
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Is there a way for me to stay true to myself and be happy in the midst of a household where my husband and daughter are negative and nasty (I beleive it's hereitary as me and my other child are calm and able to discuss things with respect).
My household is divided with my husband and one daughter having the exact same personality that refuses to hear anothers point of view and lashes out when questionsed with little regard for the other persons feelings. I have continually tried to let them know how it feels and I set an example of how we should speak to eachother with respect, but neither of them listen.
On the other hand, me and my other child are very similar personality types with a genuine interest and regard for others feelings. We feel overwhelmed by my husband and daughters continuous disregard for how we feel and their lashing out with hurtful words.
The only thing that I have come up with is that I, WITHOUT EXCEPTION, have set a calm, respectful, good example of how people should treat eachother in our home. When I am disrespected, I do not lower myself to their level and I maintain myself the way that I want to behave. I let them know that I find their words unacceptable.
So I am proud of who I am and how I behave, yet there is half of my family who embarrases and disappoints me continuously with their behavior.
My household is divided with my husband and one daughter having the exact same personality that refuses to hear anothers point of view and lashes out when questionsed with little regard for the other persons feelings. I have continually tried to let them know how it feels and I set an example of how we should speak to eachother with respect, but neither of them listen.
On the other hand, me and my other child are very similar personality types with a genuine interest and regard for others feelings. We feel overwhelmed by my husband and daughters continuous disregard for how we feel and their lashing out with hurtful words.
The only thing that I have come up with is that I, WITHOUT EXCEPTION, have set a calm, respectful, good example of how people should treat eachother in our home. When I am disrespected, I do not lower myself to their level and I maintain myself the way that I want to behave. I let them know that I find their words unacceptable.
So I am proud of who I am and how I behave, yet there is half of my family who embarrases and disappoints me continuously with their behavior.
Support I sense that you like me are a sensitive person, probably over sensitive. I am also having to work on trying to be less effected by the words and actions of others.
You are doing the right thing in setting your boudaries and letting your husband know that you dont feel his behavior is acceptable. As for your child, it is important that you set boundaries too but also have consequences when she crosses the line. You are still her mother and need to parent her in that respect.
Otherwise, I agree with Simon. It is important that you work on being less affected by the words and actions of your husband and daughter. Be proactive in trying to understand where some of that behavior is coming from. It doesnt mean you have to conform or accept it from your daughter. However, working with your husband may take some time. He has been this way a long time before you were married. Yes, it is partly personality but I also believe it is learned behavior.
You had said before that your daughter had gone to therapy and it didnt help. It probably didnt because she sees her father do it every day. At this point, the only one you can change is "you". I dont mean change your principals but rather, how you allow their actions to affect you. Work on "understanding". Hugs
I try so hard to set up "rules" for our home, but every day my "rules" are ignored. I firmly beleive that there has to be boundaries that people should not cross...certain behavior that is absolutely unacceptable...but no matter how I try to set an example or explain this, my wishes are ignored. I feel powerless.
When I suggested you work on "understanding" their behavior I meant finding the source of where it has been learned. I dont live your life, but I suspect their behavior is instinctual and not always intentional. While they eventually realize their behavior is wrong in the moment they either choose to deny it because of embarassment or bullheadedness. Support, I realize this is a very difficult situation for you but if nothing you are doing works and they are not willing to try through therapy or self perserverance, there really is only one of three options. You can fight it or leave it or live with it.
I wish I could help you more. Hugs