There is nothing wrong in experssing your feelings this is the only way we can begin to find solace.

I know that your mother must have been a beautiful and loving presense in your life. It was a gift to you that she was in your life and I am sure that in your heart you cherished every precious moment with her.

Your life is also a testiment to her presense in it.

You must be able to list in your mind so many precious moments and as you do this remeber that your mother will always be part of you in your heart.

Her greatest wish for you would be that you could be happy and eventually inner peace.

I said in other replys that my broken heart avatar is for the all the starving of the world and also all the innocent children who suffer in the world for whatever reason.

Given all the suffering in the world at the moment if humanity is being given a test it is failing badly because it is in our power to end starvation, stop all diliberate harm to children and treat those who are suffering from cancer or other ilnesses in the way that should be their right.

Myself I cling to a hope that most would say is impossible, that by changing the way we relate to each other we can change the world by helping one person at a time.

Like my friend Gecko says, hope floats.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ln2_xzJ9jQQ

I try to help others, yet even there I find that most people are there for what they can get.

Life is so disappointing and just not as much fun as I hope it would be.

It's not negative supportplease, it is pain you are expressing. I am so sorry that you are dealing with your mothers death and raising two small children. I dont know how long your mother has been gone but it sounds like you miss her very much. Cancer can be a very ugly thing and when we see a loved one suffering with it, it can be very painful. My sister died at 39 with breast cancer and it took me a long time to go through the grieving process. With time, you wont hurt as much but you will always miss her. I learned to cherish the memories and time I had with my sister and not wish for something I could not have with her. Give it some time sweetie.

I loved Simons response to your thread. I also strongly believe that if we each change the way we relate to one another and we reach out to others struggling, we can make a huge difference. You are doing that right now by working with your two small children to help them with their shyness. You are giving them hope. Your love and compassion for your children will help to change the world. You are a very special mother in that you care for your children enough to want to see them live happy lives and you are doing something about it.

Hugs

Dear Dear fellow traveller I am so sorry for your pain, it is very difficult for you at this time to recognise or notice the good that is still in the world and in people.

When we are hurting and our mood is in gloom it is very difficult to see or experience any joy. Grief and low mood can result in a difficulty to be aware of positive life happenings.

If you can find some bereavement counselling I am sure this will help you through what must be a very difficult time. I am sure your Mum would not want you to be hurting so much and I am sure if you can just sit still in peace and calm for a moment your thoughts will guide you on what your Mum would want you to do to try and ease your pain and suffering.

Here is a link for you which I hope will help somehow to bring some peace and calm, I hope that you will know some healing to ease your sadness and distress:

http://greatday.com/motivate/index.html

If you look on the right hand side of the above web page you will see several flash presentations one under the other, these are very calming and peaceful. I do hope they are of comfort to you - Hugs

Both of these are excellant! May I add something I have a five yr old that has bilary atresia with cirrosis of the liver which means in short she will have to have a transplant, never had a drink or drugs in her life born that way! But that child has brought me so much happiness and joy and love and she is a help at blood draw where most children scream she just lays out her little arm and tells the others its okay to be afraid and yes it will hurt but only for a little bit. So what did I learn thru my tears? That god gives them to us for a reason and a season nothing is forever but memories so make some and share them! You are a great testimoney to your mama remember when you were little how they wld tell you how to behave sure they was teaching you manners but if you acted up you reflected on mama! You have done anexcellant job for her. And why do the bad get the good cause in the end it will be reversed when we get to heaven guess who missed the boat??? so it all comes to those that wait.

I understand what you're saying about your mom,and i'm sorry you still miss her.Mine is in a nursing home and the dr. has already told us her time with us is short.Soon I will be where you are and I don't think a person is ever totally ready for it.But i'll make it,just as you will.Raggy I had a neice who had the same thing your daughter has,we lost her when she was 7.Thank God medical science has gone so far and now knows more about treating illnesses.There was no such thing as liver transplants when my neice was sick.Not only that has changed,but like Simon was saying,child hunger and abuse,neglect,theres so much more of it now than when I was younger.I'm not a spring chicken!Hi everyone,I used to be in this group,but in the process of leaving ds.I just thought I drop by and see whats going on.

That is what i find so difficult to make sense of...how can you find meaning or positive in something so unfair....like childhood illness, or early death?

There is no making sense of it sweetie because it doesnt make sense. There is only acceptance and forgiveness. We choose how it will affect us. We cannot control it or abolish it. We can only work to be our best and reach out to others. I pray alot and ask for Gods intervention. Unless it is His Will, it wont happen. I accept that and know that whatever happens has a reason and we may never know what the reason is. Hugs

Dear support - as when these things occur it is as Shelly says - there is no making sense of it or trying to find a positive where one is unable to see it because of the grief. It is ok to grieve and experience grief, it is fairly viewed by you as unfair of course, especially when you feel you could have enjoy so much more time and happy moments together. We all react and take time to heal in different ways. The goodness of your relationship with your mother, will always be, that will never be taken away, and I'm sure you have many many fond memories - perhaps occasionally, each day, for every sad feeling of loss you experience, you remember one of those very precious happy moments you had with your Mum as well. You know your Mum would want you to feel that love and laughter once again. Just give yourself time to heal, nurture yourself a little each day, but try to distract yourself a little away from your grief each day too. Big Love and Hugs Poppet. xoxox (come back here whenever you need a helping hand Poppet, there are so many wonderful people here that are so willing to help try and ease your pain) Hug Hug Hug xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Thanks so much for all the support. I guess I need to stop looking for fairness in a life that often feels unfair.

I am a particularly sensitive person...I feel greatly for others pain and I tend to absorb a lot of what others are dealing with. When my child is hurting in any way I feel so deeply and tend to focus on it for a long time. Probably not a great thing for me to be doing to myself, but how do I stop?

You need to accept yourself as the beautiful person you are and accept that what happened in your life happened, however meaningless it may seem.

With your child, turn a percieved negative into a positive. If you can feel tha pain you can also fee the joy and happiness. Love the loved ones in your life with all your heart and always speak to them from your heart.

I don't know how many times I have said this on DAPA, you can't say I love you too many times and you can't love somebody too much. Let your child know your mother through you.

And like we always say, be gentle to yourself.

Something (someone) has been taken from you, a friend and someone who could relate to all you have experienced in growing from an infant to who you are today. You reminisced together and instinctively shared joy and pain.

Life is unfair. We see this every day the news is on TV, and often in public places. Unfortunately we have little or no control over the larger events and when sensitive like you, hurt. I like to think that nasty people will get their own in the end but that is only wishful thinking on my part to try and make myself feel there is justice.

I guess the bottom line for me is that people with innate goodness suffer emotional ache but that goodness is its own reward. After all, we each have to live with ourselves. As for acts of nature that destroy, I just plain cannot understand.

Perhaps we are given hope and love to help us through this.

It sounds like your mom was really special to you. I feel so happy for you for that. Life is unfair at times, but it really is what we make it. Life throws us shit and it's up to us to clean it up or step in it. I always tend to clean my messes up and then life throws me another slap upside the head. LOL So is life. Positive affirmations help...and this group will help you emensely. Try to stay positive and keep your chin up. I'm in deep shit now, but my head is up. Your's should be too. Good Luck Barb-Detroit

I truly think that sensitive, kind people suffer in this life while those who don't care seem to glide along. I don't see that people get what they deserve....I see a disproportionately high group of miserable, nasty folks getting a lot of what they want.

I wish I could believe that if you put out goodness, that goodness will come back at you....I have not seen that in my life. I give all that I have and people take advantage and/or expect my kindness rather than appreciate it.