Not to be blunt but I have had to realize that I was wasting the rest of my life dwelling on the past. Do not live in the past. Do not dwell on your mistakes. Live for today...better than that I try to live for the moment. Not in an irresponsible way but to really focus on enjoying the moment at hand. Life is after all a sum of the moments in life. Try to make every moment special. Even when you are facing trials, you will learn something as you work through it. Focus on the MOMENT!!!! Don't let yourself focus on the past, unless of course you are discussing it with your therapist in an attempt to understand it. I have wasted many years doing just that and I refuse to let life continue to pass me by as I sit unhappy waiting for the big moment when every moment can be as big as you make it.

So what if I take antidepressants to be able to do this. I have accepted that and maybe for now it is just what I need. The point is that I have quality of life, embracing each new day. Don't let yourself be trapped in the past or focussed on tomorrow. Start living RIGHT NOW!!!!

It takes alot of practice. This is what I do when I realize my thoughts are wandering and comparing.............I think "STOP", to deactivate my chain of thinking. Then I bring myself back to where I am suppose to be. If I do this enough, eventually I have an easier time focusing on the event at hand and not everything else around me. Part of that comes from low self-esteem support. When you found yourself thinking that the other mothers were happier and more together, what did you do about it? How did you counter your thoughts with positive ones? What did you say to yourself to prevent envy?

Remember, that most mothers are experiencing what you are. They are insecure about who they are too. I am sure when other mothers look at you they think the same things you do when you look at them. The problem is that isnt healthy thinking. Only you can stop it and change it. You have to do that actively and very consciously right now until it becomes as natural as negative thinking is now.

You can do this, I know you can. One step at a time. Hugs

Yes, People have said to me "oh you look so calm, cool, and collected?" when the truth is I was not feeling that way at all!

I guess it really doesn't matter how we appear to others...the only thing that matters is how we feel to ourself.

I need to really change my entire view of life. I need to somehow start enjoying myself but the truth is I DON't KNOW HOW. My entire childhood was focused on how my parents felt - and I made it my job to make them feel better. As a result I did not allow myself to feel and my emotions were entirely based on how others felt around me.

Try to find ways to treat yourself, little things like buying an ice cream or seeing a movie, anything that you like to do.

support, I truly believe that we cannot change until we revisit the events in our lives that have created our behaviors.

We can "train" ourselves to think positive, try to see the good in ourselves and others, limit expectations and on and on. However, I have learned that is putting a bandaid on something that is much bigger. To find true happiness and truly feel positive with good self esteem, we have to unlearn the learned behaviors that are harming us.

This is best done in therapy over a period of time. Especially when those learned behaviors are affecting our lives in a negative way.

Learn to enjoy yourself by exploring "who you are". A very good therapist told me once that I was taught to live my life for others and that was what I was continuing to do. I always aimed to please everyone else. She told me to begin by exploring the things that I liked to do and the things I found joy in. To find joy in the little things in my day. God created you to be who you are and it is our job to discover who that is. I began by taking different classes in things I "thought" I might enjoy. I had absolutely no self confidence that I would ever be able to do any of it. Today, I enjoy tons of things.

The most important thing to remember is it is one step at a time. You cannot change over night. You have to explore what you will enjoy because you are not used to doing it. Start by taking a slow walk outside and observing everything around you. Notice the colors, the sounds, the smells. Breath in the fresh air and feel it fill your body. Do the same with something as simple as a shower. Feel every drop of the water wash over you down every part of you. Take a mental note of how these things make you feel.

The first thing is to get in touch with your senses and how you "feel" things. You have to learn to feel for yourself and not the way others have taught you to feel. Once you begin to develope your senses and the discover the things you enjoy, you will be better equipt to practice positivity and actually feel it.

Hugs