I'm not sure if the grieving gets any easier. I'm sure it does but why does it have to feel so complicated. I guess that is why it's called complicated grief. I feel sad because my mother died, yet my mother was my abuser and abusive towards me. One of the issues that it's final, my mother will never change, my mother will never tell me she loved me, or even know if she really loved me for that matter. I honestly don't think she did. I think that is what hurts so much. I just feel in this stuck place, trying to go through my day but pretty much stuck. I want it to get better but it just feels like it doesn't. Not sure if it will ever get better.

I don't even know if anyone else out there feels this way. If you are out there, then please know you are not alone.