Dealing with Sociopaths and Narcissists Community Group
This group is for anyone who has a narcissist or sociopath in their life. It is meant to be a place to express feelings related to having people like this in your life and to learn and share coping strategies in dealing with these types of individuals.
I have a narcissist husband and before I discovered he was a narcissist I didn't realize how much I was being manipulated. I'm a introvert and tend to study people very well but yet I missed all the signs. It's as if he didn't even do it in a calculated way as if it just comes very natural...but anyway Ive delt with this for years without putting a name to it or even knowing there was a name to it. I've been through many emotions with this man that Ive kept in the dark from friends and family. When I discovered he was a narcissist I started doing more and more research..which made it so much easier to cope because it put everything in perspective. I could stop blaming. Myself for things or believing I was a bad person for being a rational person. Hr blamed me for everything bad that has happened in his life even if I had nothing at all to do with it.
I stood up for myself and called him out on his lies when he tried to gaslight me. I called him a narcissist. I told him to look it up..its a perfect definition of the way you are. I wish I never said that. I feel like now that he knows that I know..he can discard me. Which is the "final" trait of the narcissist.
My kids and I are financially dependent on him and can not just simply leave without facing homeless. I dont have anyone I could live with. I am making my plans to leave him, saving and gathering my resources.
Apart of me feel sorry for him for hiding this I dont know why I have sympathy for this man. He is an alcoholic and has been nothing but heartache and headache.
Last week I discovered hes been getting to know someone..cheating..in the same format he used when getting to know me..lying about me saying I do these things that I dont do to make him look good.
The shocking part of this all is..I didnt care that I discovered he was having an affair..I worried about him getting to know someone else to find his next victim and discard me.
I'm not sure if I have a question or I'm just venting but any advice would be appreciative.
Counseling can help as well. A narcissist does not care if you know
they are one or not,They really do not have a conscience.
Solution:Focus on you, rebuild your relationship with yourself,They are like
vampires and certainly are bankrupt in the empathy department-this is
why they are usually attracted to empaths-they are attracted to what they lack
and then they try to destroy you( the image of what they lack,}
You see it is all mental with the narcissist,
So you are on the right track of arming yourself with narcproof info.
Preparing yourself to exit the relationship and Go No Contact can be
done while you are still in the home by only conferring with the abuser
on vital topics eg: finances, children,no talk re relationship,your emotions,his actions,your plans,etc.Keep it professional.
Positive vibes and energy your way.
Hugs you will make it through <3
Oshe!
I am foreigner and do not have any family here and it make harder for me to deal with my situation. I was so shocked when I read your story. My story is almost identical, at least the "diagnostic" part of my significant other (#2). I met him in summer 2017 when I was still officially married to my ex, but we had been separated for a few years but that time. I did see some "mental & personality" issues in his (#2) behavior when we started dating. I was blinded by his story about his "previous relationship" and that his mother left him with his dad when he was 12 yo. He stated that his ex-wife was "mentally" sick, hated and did not apricate him and everything what he had done for his family. According to him, he is the best candidate to be a husband - taking care of his family, working, not a cheater, cleaning & cooking. Their son stayed with him "because his mom was so irresponsible, spending all money and did not support him." Now, I understand that all those stories are partially true and made up by him based on his "manipulative" acts to lead his wife to act certain way. His son, who is 17 yo now, has the same personality and playing the same games. He manipulated so "fine" that 3 months ago we ended up to go to a local City Hall to get a marriage license but left with a marriage certificate. After that day his behavior toward me changed drastically. He and his son became very manipulative with me and my 11 yo son. He tried to provoke me in public and make up stories about me, my mental stability and sexual life, that is 99% falsification. He spreads these rumors with everyone he speaks to. He is trying to make me look mentally sick and suicidal. We had never lived together and even before I was able to move to his house I took my stuff that I had there when was staying overnight and stopped seeing him. But it was not a case. He is still keep calling and trying to see me. He offered to go to counseling as a couple and I agreed, but he changed his story multiple times, and finally... He admitted that he has some issues and we agreed that he need to get a professional help. I do not believe that he will do it.... He keep saying that all women have mental issues and all "husbands" are normal. A few months after we started dating he told me that he will not let me go, I will be his, he will do everything that no one man will look at me and I will not have a choice as to come back to him.
I need some advice how to handle it... with all these falsification about me and telling some stories from our private with him life, something that he did but pretended that it was me. He wants me to loose my job and loose everything... as he said that there is a price that a woman pay for leaving a man...
You are still planning on leaving? Is he still in an affair? Has he been aggressive to you? Yes, so funny the "nice" them. And boy can he be charming. As long as I put no demands on him, things can stay ok for awhile.
My boyfriend moved in with me and my son (at the time he was 23 and is now 26). He expected us to live completely his way (he is a neat freak and my son is well... a 180 from him. So he micromanaged me over everything my son did wrong and so my son couldn't take it and moved out. My bf says still to this day, 3yrs later, we F'd him over by giving him such a hard time about the 'right way" to live and made him out to be a bad guy. I just wanted compromise from all of us but he had to have it his way and then SAYS neither of us did anything to make him feel comfortable. Which is a lie.