I think guilt is a common feeling for daughters of abusive mothers. Somehow it feels wrong and bad to see your mother as 'bad' in any way.

For myself, part of the way I've dealt with guilt is by looking at how my mother has treated my sisters. When I look at how she's treated me, it's very easy to blame myself (however illogical it may be to do so). But when I consider some of the ways she's treated my youngest sister, then I see clearly how wrong and abusive it is.

I do feel sad that I don't have the loving relationship with my mother that other women have. But I guess I've got to the stage where I accept it. Sadly, I don't think I will be heartbroken when my mother dies. I think I will be sad that she didn't love me and that I don't feel the grief that the daughter of a loving mother would feel.

I agree with you because I feel a tremendous amount of guilt over all that is happening. I'm trying to figure out what is my fault and what isn't. Everyone says how when this happens it isn't your fault, but how much is it really?

Well, if your mother abuses you when you are a child, that is not your fault at all. As a child you are vulnerable and she is supposed to love and protect you. The fact that she didn't do this is not your fault. But it's one thing knowing this intellectually, and another accepting it in your heart.

That's exactly what I mean. I can sort of understand that I didn't deserve everything that happened to me, but since I was blamed for a lot it is hard for me to really see where I was really at fault and where I was not. But I am working on this and hopefully will be able to someday really accept it.

I agree. At 51 and with my mom dead 30 yrs i still feel guilty admitting she was abusive. I even feel guilty we never had the relationship i craved. I grieve that lost opportunity and the relationship that never was.

Omg, I really know what you are saying. Just hearing you say it brings tears to my eyes. My mother is now 74 years old, and we've never had a really close relationship. I would have liked to, but for some reason, she just prevented that from happening. She just had this notion, that she should spend most of her time with my sister, and distance herself from me. I truy think, my sister who is a master manipulator, and is extremely jealous of every other person on this planet. lol Seriously, she is a true narcicist, but then so is my mother. So, therefore, because my sister says so, I'm just not that good for them.

I have a feeling when my mother does die, I will be haunted by this, not knowing my mother and being there in her senior years. But then again, my sister is there enough for her for the both of us. Now her daughter. I really feel my mother has made this decision and I am just obliging.

It is still hurtful.

It is. And maybe the best thing to do with toxic people is to stay away but it is still hard.