Daughters of Abusive Mothers Community Group

For those of us whose mothers were (or still are) abusive to us. In a society that puts mothers on a pedestal it can often be lonely dealing with the feelings of hurt, betrayal, anger, emptiness and grief of having an abusive mother. People with loving mothers often find it hard to believe or understand. Here is a safe place to express the feelings and find others with...

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Need to talk

Catlovers141
Catlovers141
I am struggling now and I'm so confused. I cannot tell if I am in denial or if all of my previous perceptions were just wrong. Some of you have read previous posts about what is going on in my life. If not I could tell you or try to bring them back. Anyway, I don't know how to tell the difference.

I can tell you when I first started feeling this way, if it will help. About two months ago I finally told someone in "real life" about what has been going on. Except instead of feeling good, I felt horrible, evil. Like it was incredibly wrong for me to say anything about it to someone who wasn't directly involved. Now whenever I talk about it I feel like it is wrong of me and I am betraying my mother and my family.

Since then I have been thinking that maybe I was wrong in everything I thought. Maybe I am overreacting or exaggerating, I don't know. It is hard to accept that some of the things that my mother has done were wrong and that what I thought was true wasn't really there.

Help?
deleted_user
deleted_user
you are not overreacting. that's what you've been trained to think. trained to think that if you "tell" you are awful and betraying your family. i'm going through this right now too.. b/c mom and i are on a "good" stretch. all the crap fades, you recall the good.. and you feel like you are wrong. b/c that is what you have always been told.

take a gut check. listen to how it feels when you are near her, talking to her, etc etc. that never lies.

also. take a look at this book and website.. there is a wonderful message board on there. it has been a blessing for me.
"will i ever be good enough, healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers"

http://www.nevergoodenough.com/talk/forum.asp?FORUM_ID=1

i only have one person i tell my story too.. my bestfriend. i haven't told anyone else b/c i'm too afraid.
Catlovers141
Catlovers141
Thank you for your reply. I only tell things to one person too. She actually has her bachelor's degree in psychology so it is quite interesting (For instance, did you know that narcissists often talk about themselves in the third person? My mom does this all the time).

What I am going through sounds similar to you. Things don't happen everyday so when there is a lull I feel like she is just being human. What I think when this happens is that everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. It is during those bad times that I can really relate to everyone here.

Thank you!
deleted_user
deleted_user
with me.. its good and its so wonderful.. but when she's threatened.. loses control etc etc.. its like being in the spin cycle of a washing machine. so confusing and i feel like i'm 4. she is pelting bullets in any direction.. not caring about hurting us.

that's how i know this is legit. though i have to remind myself of the washing machine reference when things are good between she and i.