I know how difficult this is. My mom affected me my entire childhood and adult life, with both physical and emotional abuse, the physical abuse stopped in my teens, but the emotional abuse continued throughout my life - even after I married and moved out, she could destroy my happiness and confidence with hurtful words. After my dad passed away, we became estranged, mostly my choice. She is still living, but we don't communicate and I likely will not be there for her, she has alienated almost everyone who cared for her. There is a part of me that feels guilty over this, but the pain it would cause me to stay in touch with her would probably change the course of my life not for the better, so I can live with it. I honestly really have no family, because she alienated the family throughout my life and when my dad passed it really fell apart. I think it is just a matter of deciding what you personally are able to live with. It's normal not to want to take care of her after what you have been through, just know you are not alone in your feelings. In my mind, I never really had a mom - not in the true sense of the word and what that word should mean.

Hi,
Im sorry to hear that. Did getting married help at all? Were you able to tell your husband about the abuse? I kind of find it difficult to have a relationship because i’m too ashamed about opening up myself to a guy about my experiences.

Hi, yes, my husband knows everything and is an amazing support. It can be hard to talk about with people who do not understand, and while he didn't go through abuse himself, he definitely is very compassionate and understands it. We spend quite a bit of time with my parents when my dad was alive and he saw how upset I was each and every time we left there. He supports my decision, but honestly neither choice is easy. It's not fair that I have to make that choice to either keep in contact at my own risk, or be alienated from family but have better mental health overall. I've always been a fairly open and expressive person though, and just figure it's best to be open and honest. There is no need to be ashamed about things that were not your fault and a truly compassionate person would understand that.

Good for you! You’re very lucky to find a husband like that. It’s nice that you have someone to deal with the emotional trauma. I’m so alone with my own my own struggles with her and it feels like no one would truly understand.

Yes, I have been there! And it does feel like no one understands, because many people have not been through it. Eventually I did stop talking about it, unless I knew the person would understand somehow, because I felt like then people felt sorry for me, which was not what I wanted or needed either. I was very blessed to find some good friends along the way who helped me through a very rough childhood, and then as an adult find some mentors who could guide me, without that I do not know what would have happened. I hope you can take comfort in knowing others do understand. Feel free to PM me if you need support,