hey all. I'm coming here to possibly find support within a community of others who are going through the same thing as me. my mom makes me and everyone around her fucking miserable. I'm 18 with five siblings. I love my dad, he is a good parent who tries his best but my mom is an abusive extreme narcissist. I plan on cutting ties with her when I am fully independant. I don't know how I will do that without cutting my dad off because I don't want that but I see no better option. For the first time in my life, my mom upset me so much that I sought out a suicide crisis hotline. she makes me fucking miserable. My relationship with her is so tainted. Part of me loves her because, well, she's my mom. and the times with her aren't all bad. we have that blood tie but she sure doesn't act like it. she is in no way a caretaker or a provider. out of my fairly wide circle, there is one person I can truly open up to about this, and she's in the exact same boat as me. I don't even know what to do anymore. my mom needs professional help and that fact is not being acknowledged. she doesn't give a shit about anyone but her self, to the point where my 20 year old sister is stuck parenting my 4 year old brother. he even calls her mom sometimes. today she threw an object at me and flipped me off while making a horrible face and mouthing words while on the phone because I was talking too loudly to my brother. after the phone call, she brought me upstairs to scream at me. I turned right back around and went downstairs and her screams got more shrill, lots of cussing. normal stuff about how she was on a business call and it was "so fucking rude" of me to talk while she was doing that. she's launching a cannabis based tattoo salve and has put this business before everything else in her life. she does not deserve this, and I mean that when I say it. a week ago, she had a psychotic break. nothing this extreme has happened before. it started with my dad asking her to please hurry up because they were going on their usual friday breakfast date and she flipped, wouldn't stop calling him "motherfucker" and then it turned into the most intricate, insane tale of how she can't have anything for her self and that we ruined her life and business and how she's leaving. I have never seen her pull so many random, irrelevant scenarios out of nowhere that turned into a seriously traumatic event. and it all started with my dad asking her to please hurry after she had been in the bathroom for two hours.

part of me wishes she had left. we as a family had to physically hold her back and beg her not to leave. in the aftermath, something I had to peronally acknowledge and come to terms with is that when I was pushing her away from the door and begging her not to leave... I felt nothing. I've never forced feelings like that. All that was for my dad. I opened up to my 16 and 20 year old sisters and they said they felt the exact same way. That is how miserable she makes everyone. Her whole personality is unresolved anger and trauma. most of my friends won't come over anymore because they're scared of her. I even liked someone over the summer who refused to date me because he was uncomfortable around her. (I actually dodged a bullet with that one, but that isn't the point.) she's the most angry person i have ever met, to the point where I find my self wanting to ask her, does it get exhausting being that angry all. the. time? I'm so afriad I'll turn out like her, to the point where I devote a lot of time observing her behavior and making note of how *not* to act. we're different in many ways. She unironically thinks she's a literal witch (she's an evil person so it's kind of fitting) has an addiction to geting tattooed (she visits a very high end expensive tatoo parlor twice a month and is nearly covered in tats) and thinks of her self as a dark magic goddess/witch of some sort. it's embarassing how she refuses to tone it down no matter who is around. I could go on. and on. and on. I am currently sick and trying to get better and am not working at the moment, so I have some free time on my hands. I apologize for any typos I have made here, I type fast and don't always read through.