I can relate to that feeling of emptiness. You're right about only being given one mom, and it's unfortunate that we can't receive the love we need from that one mom. We can only fill that void through others that are capable of understanding how to love us. I think that prayer has helped me through the roughest times. I too would also love to feel like that little kid again, and have that void in me filled with the love I deserved. Try to keep your chin up, and know that God loves us all.

My way of dealing with the emptiness that I feel is treating myself the best way that I can. With just little things, like cooking my favorite meal, getting some fresh flowers for my desk, watching my favorite movies, reconnecting with the people that love and show me that they love me, talking walks in nature. And whenever it gets to heavy, I cry and pray to God to help me go through the storm. It usually works. It's hard, but I keep my hope alive that someday the gray skies will clear away and the sun will shine brightly.

Yes, I can relate. I think I have had that empty feeling for a very long time. Like I am really hollow inside. I know what you are saying. Something wasn't supplied to me a very long time ago, when it should have... i.e., nurturing, and it is just a big hollow space now. Something is missing. I don't mean to be negative, but I haven't found anything to fill it. I have my children, that I love so dearly, but that void is still there. Even giving love, it feels like it's coming from an empty place. If that makes sense.

My mother has been kind to me at times. But, she is a jekyl/hyde type person. She has mostly been cold, heartless, selfish etc. so no amount of love from her now, really makes any difference. I feel it will always be there. I think once you have been so badly betrayed by the one person you are suppose to love so dearly, your mother, it really does kill something inside.

The only thing I can say about it is, you are right, you can't get another mother. You just have to try and get counselling, find things that you like, make lots of friends, and love yourself. When you can learn to love yourself, maybe then that void can be filled. I haven't gotten there yet.

I too still feel like a little kid. I am learning to parent myself. One important part of that is learning to self comfort. First i had to figure out what was comforting to me before i could actually practice this. I had to learn to be gentle with myself, to forgive myself and to give myself permission.

i can soooo relate. alls i wanna do is be a lil girl n have my parents luv me and be their lil girl. but father is gone from picture permanently and mom soon will be. ne one know where to find an adopt a loving mommy agency??

Oh, gosh, this is my favorite post I've read.

Yes, my entire life I have felt empty. My therapist once told me that to be loved by one's mother is everyone's birthright. There are some mothers who are difficult and fussy, some maybe too critical, etc., but still, when you get down to it, they truly do love their children. As my therapist put it: To grow up with a mother who doesn't love her child, and actively hurts that child is tantamount to growing up without a mother at all. So yes. We are empty, because we simply do not know what it's like to be loved by the one person who is SUPPOSED to love you. And not only were we (the women on this board) not loved, but abused by that same person--your mother!--we are empty and HUNGRY. There will always be something missing.

If I never knew my mother--if she died before I was born, say-and could mythologize her, that would make me feel less empty than having the one I was given. I could pretend she was up in heaven, protecting me, being proud of me, that I was her shining star.....but instead, the woman who was supposed to nurture me tore me down repeatedly and violently. I have always had trouble making friends who were women, but I have a few close friends who have decent-to-excellent relationships with their mothers. One friend has a mother who is rather selfish and silly, but my friend says, "I have no doubt she loves me, and whenever I've needed her, she'd do anything for me." She also admitted that she cannot imagine what it's like to know that your own mother not only doesn't love you, but enjoys abusing you. I felt grateful that she acknowledged that.

My friends who have succeeded in life (not necessarily in terms of money, but in personal contentment, finding good friends, doing what they're good at and thriving) have all mentioned their families as the primary reason they are who they are.

And yeah, I still feel like a little girltoo. All the time. I also feel like I'm 82 in a lot of ways. But that's a different story.

haha your favorite post? That's awesome. I found your reply interesting and I agree. In some ways it would be easier to have an image in your head of what your mother could be like and to believe that is what she really is. But since you know your real mother it is kind of hard to do.

I feel a lot of different ages and am sort of trying to integrate them because it isn't very comfortable. I am chronologically 18 years old but many people on DS and elsewhere have said that I sound a lot older. And then emotionally I feel like I'm about six years old. So that works well ;)

I don't agree that there will always be something missing..for years I felt like all of you..I badly wanted my mothers love,but she was totally unable to give it to me..My dad did love me,but only to a point..my mum always came first..same with my sister,she and I had a very good relationship and were extremely close until I revealed the truth about my mother and left the country I was living in at the time..all my life I had that horrible empty feeling..that somethings missing feeling...

that all changed at age forty when I met my current partner..you see he loves me UNCONDITIONALLY something I think we all yearn for..especially from the one person that is supposed to give it to us..

Thank God it dosen't mean that just because your own Mother can't give you that unconditional love that no one else can...because they CAN..and it all starts with you..I didn't meet my partner until I started to love and take care of me..you have to give yourself what your mother can't give you..it also helped when I had my kids..I was then able to be the Mother I would have wanted..not perfect,but kind,loving,AVAILABLE to my kids...I gave them what I had needed but never got...

it is possible to fill that emptiness,I just wanted you all to know that...

Hugs
Sharonxoxo

I am new here and I also feel that void. My mom wasn't physically violent towards me but mostly found no fault on herself ever, and demanded perfection from me. Trying to please her I went through a lot of pain.

Sharon, reading your post has given me hope. However, has anybody found themselves not really believing someone loves you? Like you KNOW they love you very very much, but you aren't able to BELIEVE it? How can you get over this? How do you get over a handicap that was created by the opposite: being taught that this person is suppossed to love you, and taught to believe she loves you while you know she doesn't? :(

Hi Pink Turquoise{I love your name btw :)

Yes it takes a long time to believe someone really loves you..I know what you mean about not believing it..don't forget that with an abusive mother you would have been told/shown/and felt that you weren't lovable in so many ways...

I think for me,it was being told over and over again that I was loved..but not only told..shown in so many ways..day in and day out,it took a while but three and a half years later I know my partner loves me..but it does take time and tremendous patience on the part of the other person..and don't forget if the actions don't match the words..then you know not to believe whoevers saying it..both must go together...

Hope this helps a bit,
Hugs
Sharonxxxx

Thanks a lot Sharon :) I must say I quite like your name too =D

Many hugs back.

I learned that part of "putting on my big girl panties" was learning that it was my own responsibility to make myself happy, at peace, joyful, etc. instead of looking to my mom or anyone else to fulfill the void--it is the what being grown up and being an adult vs being a child is all about. The journey is different for us all. A good book is "Happy for No Reason" advocating responsibility by Marcie Shimoff. I can tell that I am a bit older--soul-wise anyway than some of you. While there is REAL abuse, projecting labels, etc on our parents efforts to do what they can in the, possibly only, ways they know are hurtful to US more than them in the long run.