Dating after Divorce Community Group
After divorce it's hard to jump back into the dating scene. This group will help support each other as we get back out there in the dating world.
I wonder if you can help? I am newly divorced, only due to horrific abuse where I was left with a broken hip, my now Ex Husband was a respected Lawyer ( Or so I thought) and member of my Church. hence my naivety at his real personality. Any way I am free and happy to be so.
A few months after I met someone, very nice, member of my church and more than willing to do anything for me, literally- it was nice to have such a change after my Husband. This man declares love for me, eternal, and has persisted to ask for my hand despite my battles and conflicts of pushing him away, which to me is understandable. I asked for time but he was quite calculating in his drive to win me over, stating great elaborate displays of affection that over whelmed me and put me off, I did constantly warn him I need time to get my self stronger, healed, stable and independent as I have been left in ruins by my Ex. I know he means well, but also cannot control his desire to marry, it seems to be someway he feel I will be locked with his for always. He has been divorced twice, he has 5 lovely sons and is back at school, no home, lives with his parents, so we agreed he could move into my garage, pay half my rent, I wrote and agreement had my Bishop witness it ( I needed the rent money badly or would lose my home the only reasons I allowed this) My church members are wary they want me to be safe and have some level of fear over his need to control. He has a good kind family and I must say he can be a great friend. But last night I was very hurt by some comments which although unwillingly said made me realized I do not want to suffer any form of abuse again and shall not back down on that-- there are things he does that do make me feel wary I feel he can take advantage and tends to tell me how I feel towards him. So, I was upset, he walked off now we have tension. I am not happy with the ways things are.
I have severe health issues and have been fighting for my very life, so I hope you can see how I need to prioritize life and love and it is too soon. I feel stuck again, where as I was trying to get out of this house and move near to my church members as they all agreed to support me and help me get back on my feet. I have no car and am reliant on his driving also and to get to my weekly treatments. What is the best route forward, I know that cutting him off would be wrong but how can I find a happy medium here?
It has taken courage to write this, I am a very private person so I hope for inspired answers, bless you all.
A few months after I met someone, very nice, member of my church and more than willing to do anything for me, literally- it was nice to have such a change after my Husband. This man declares love for me, eternal, and has persisted to ask for my hand despite my battles and conflicts of pushing him away, which to me is understandable. I asked for time but he was quite calculating in his drive to win me over, stating great elaborate displays of affection that over whelmed me and put me off, I did constantly warn him I need time to get my self stronger, healed, stable and independent as I have been left in ruins by my Ex. I know he means well, but also cannot control his desire to marry, it seems to be someway he feel I will be locked with his for always. He has been divorced twice, he has 5 lovely sons and is back at school, no home, lives with his parents, so we agreed he could move into my garage, pay half my rent, I wrote and agreement had my Bishop witness it ( I needed the rent money badly or would lose my home the only reasons I allowed this) My church members are wary they want me to be safe and have some level of fear over his need to control. He has a good kind family and I must say he can be a great friend. But last night I was very hurt by some comments which although unwillingly said made me realized I do not want to suffer any form of abuse again and shall not back down on that-- there are things he does that do make me feel wary I feel he can take advantage and tends to tell me how I feel towards him. So, I was upset, he walked off now we have tension. I am not happy with the ways things are.
I have severe health issues and have been fighting for my very life, so I hope you can see how I need to prioritize life and love and it is too soon. I feel stuck again, where as I was trying to get out of this house and move near to my church members as they all agreed to support me and help me get back on my feet. I have no car and am reliant on his driving also and to get to my weekly treatments. What is the best route forward, I know that cutting him off would be wrong but how can I find a happy medium here?
It has taken courage to write this, I am a very private person so I hope for inspired answers, bless you all.
denicew
Sorry that after all that ,you find yourself ,with this new problem . Sounds like you have support from the church but it would be nice if you were able to not rely on "him "anymore.Try a different solution to the driving arrangements,that should drop some of the tension so that you can think more clearly about how to best proceed.There may be no casual way to handle this,you may have to just get him out.Be methodical,be smart(by knowing your rental contract ,your state/county laws etc.)and get another room-mate to help with the rent/payment.Be strong,best wishes
deleted_user
wow what a bummer, you know I had a similar situtation like this, and it wrecked my nerves, I wasnt healed from the abuse of a alcoholic husband and met a wonderful ,romantic, giving, affectionate man, and god knows I needed all of that after 20 yrs. of hurt, lonliness, infidelity, and I was so charmed ,BUT there was a price he was manipulative ,controling, obessed and I had a hard time getting rid of this man, he also had been married several times , get out, get out, move to a apt, sell the house , and never ,ever depend on anyone but yourself and GOD
ladyleo
You will have to get control of this situation and in a nice way tell him that you need more time. Mostly to find out who you are. Time to heal yourself from the past. By letting him smother you he is not giving you the time you need. Although he may seem nice think about how would he be if things weren't going his way, would he be so nice then? Try and see if he loves you like he says he will be very understanding and will back off, now if he gets defensive thats a big clue for you.
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