Cutting Community Group
for those people who use self harm to hide their emotions and to scar their bodies with memories of their past pain.
whats the reson i cut people ask me all the time but im not sure i get thoughts to do it when my emotoins are trying to get out . I tend to bottle up my emtions and thoghts and when they coe out i burt in tears and when the teaers dont stop i tend to cut or someform of self harm and one point i got better at not doing it almost 2 moths without doing it but that only lasted so long.i have PTSD form past abues and thankfully i am no longer in that household but it still honts me people always say the past is the past and i need to get over it but how do i just for get something like that . so when i rember i cut , when stress bulids up to the point where i can hardly thing i cut . i do it when it gets to much to handle and i have tried to stop i want to stop but its so hard to . I want to just leave all the pain bbehind and start a new life but i cant . feb 21 2009 my best friend was born fab 28 2009 we ment by then i was 1 years old ..sep 17 2018.. he passed away .today would be his 14th brithday and soon would be are 14 anaverey but hes gone the 1 person i felt loved by the person who was there to pick me up when i fell or the one that was there to help me get out of the bad household is gone... i tend to hurt myself when i get flashbacks form that bad night 9pm i got a call and they told me he was being rushed to the hospital and at 9:30 pm i got the call he was gone i broke down for hours and then botled it up and now i have to deal with the pain even more i and trying my best not to hurt my self today but its hard im trying to cut wood and snap a rubber band i hope this will help me
My own self injury stemmed from physical and sexual abuse. Does anyone know about the abuse you have been through and is there any way you can see a therapist? The people who are telling you, "the past is the past just get over it" are fortunate and clueless, Their fortune is that they are clueless about the long term damage abuse is, the trauma of it and how life changing it is. I am still told this by family members and others who have no clue what dealing with trauma really means. I dont let their ignorance bother me, I hope they never have to deal with anything like what i have been through, and obviously you have also.
Since this trigger was about your friend and when you heard about his death, why dont you share who he was, things you liked about him. I had a friend, Larry, Larry was the best friend i ever had and probably ever will have. He got brain cancer, and survived brain surgery that removed his tumor but eventually it came back. He died when he was 36. (25 years ago now) We did so much together, we worked together, fished together, hit taco bell on fridays together for lunch. When I think of him, the first thing i think of is how he would always greet me. He had this southern drawl, and would say, long and dragged out, "wassssssssuppppppppppp Josepppppppppppppppppppppppppphhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." with a particular inflection, and I can still hear him say it any time i think of him.
The death of people close to us is difficult even for adults, but for a ten year old in abusive circumstances particularly when he was the person you were closest to? Thats hardcore. I am deeply sorry for your loss.
And, two months without self harm? congradulations. Dont focus on the failure, focus on the fact that you were able to go through two months without harming yourself. You dont have to go through all this on your own. IF it is possible for you to get therapy please seek that. Professional help can be a great help if you can get that sort of help in your circumstances.
I know you mentioned it will be your friends birthday soon and you feel really bad which in one way is good because it shows you loved your friend.
I would put this to you again. Do you think your friend would want you to hurt yourself or would they ask you put down the knife. Would your friend approve of you hurting yourself over them or would they say to you to not do it because they love you and don't want to see you hurting yourself.
I am proud of you for going so long between times but please show your love for your friend by not doing that.
Instead why don't you write a poem about your friend. It may bring out hurt but also it can show your love for them. Instead of hurting yourself help us know your friend better. Help us to help you celebrate the time you did have with your friend and the love you both had between you.