Makes perfect sense- you're facing emotions you can barely control, and you want to calm it down but cutting. I think that's kinda the reason most people here do cut is to keep strong emotions from overwhelming us.

Yes it makes sense to me, I know exactly how you are feeling I cut for the same exact reasons, I see cutting as a punishment, and I punish myself instead of attacking the person that triggered me to do it in the first place. Try to find alternatives, that's what I do, I picked up knitting, sketching, and I always write poems or I'll write my thoughts down in a journal entry, I know it's hard to do something else, but it's just a step by step process, try to take the anger you feel inside and focus it on something that is productive like running, dancing, loud music, anything that can keep you from harming yourself, I am also here if you ever need someone to talk to.

P.S I am sorry that your closet friend moved away, I know what that's like.