Cross Dressing Community Group
This group is for cross dressers trying to find themselves and for spouses or partners trying to understand them.
My ex and I have been on a break. We have a child. I always knew he had a porn addiction, and he was on it very often (every day) for years. Literally, if he didn't watch it for a day he would dream about sex and talk in his sleep about 'young sluts' and he would take it out on me by getting mad and frustrated. i tried to be Ok with this, and I was in a way, because I watch porn regularly too.
Before me he loved strip clubs and brothels and was there as a regular and knew the girls. i went with him quite a few times to both brothels and strip clubs. i felt uncomfortable at the brothels because i felt he wasn't respecting the girl's feelings and I told him this (they were an object to him, but not to me as I can't view a person like that- he ordered them around etc). He tried to stop when we moved in together because he wanted to make a family and i made this a condition of starting one. I told him we could swing together after we had the baby, but no going off alone to do these things.It lasted maybe a year or less. After that he just hid it, and when he was caught he would become enraged when I asked to see his accounts.
When I was pregnant he started looking at dating sites, despite the fact that our sex life was regular (it was every day at least the whole time we were together). The abuse started during my pregnancy (about 16 weeks according to my journal and gradually got worse). I had to move away for a few months when the baby was a year old to go to uni. By the time he moved back in with me again he had started to put a lock on his phone and became really secretive.
He became VERY abusive (not physical) towards me in this time when he previously wasn't that bad, and told me I was controlling him. The truth was, I never knew where he was as he was never with me and his child. He would become enraged if I asked him where he was. I knew he was lying as his stories always changed when he was making conversation about what he was doing, but I was scared of his outbursts so I just lived my own life and tried to leave him be. If I pointed out his contradictions it would become 'my fault for remembering everything he said'.
Now is where it gets complicated. I have found that he has turned to crossdressing with other men, and turning to transvestites and bisexuality. He has been texting men on websites for this. His iCloud uncovered a whole heap of sordid information. I did read over sms that were exchanged that he will never be with a man unless they were dressed up.
I hate being a single mum, and my lifestyle was much better when I was with him. I have even considered an open relationship where I support his relationships with these, erm, men who dress up. I will however, not support the abuse of myself.
I was just hoping the abuse would stop if it all came out in the open and he could see whomever he wanted. He wasn't always abusive towards me, and he is nice to his friends, so maybe if we became more of a friends with benefits relationship he could become nicer? I wouldn't mind seeing lots of other people too and am also bisexual. I would like to keep my primary relationship though.
So here's the question: could the abuse be because of his sex addiction, and is this something he could get over ever.... Or, is he just abusive? Do many male sex addicts get abusive towards their partners when they want to act out and feel guilty or controlled by being in a relationship? Would the abuse likely stop if I let him be free to be himself now that I know everything, or is he incapable of being in a relationship? (He still doesn't know that I know.)
Also, is the crossdressing more likely because he has a feminine side or very bisexual, or could this be a result of a sex addiction that blew very out of proportion over time. I have a hard time believing he is bisexual as he really loves women...
How common is liking shemales and crossdressing for the men who are sex addicts? Anybody here have any idea?
Sorry about the long winded explanation and thank you very much to anyone who takes the time out to help sort out my messed up relationship.
Before me he loved strip clubs and brothels and was there as a regular and knew the girls. i went with him quite a few times to both brothels and strip clubs. i felt uncomfortable at the brothels because i felt he wasn't respecting the girl's feelings and I told him this (they were an object to him, but not to me as I can't view a person like that- he ordered them around etc). He tried to stop when we moved in together because he wanted to make a family and i made this a condition of starting one. I told him we could swing together after we had the baby, but no going off alone to do these things.It lasted maybe a year or less. After that he just hid it, and when he was caught he would become enraged when I asked to see his accounts.
When I was pregnant he started looking at dating sites, despite the fact that our sex life was regular (it was every day at least the whole time we were together). The abuse started during my pregnancy (about 16 weeks according to my journal and gradually got worse). I had to move away for a few months when the baby was a year old to go to uni. By the time he moved back in with me again he had started to put a lock on his phone and became really secretive.
He became VERY abusive (not physical) towards me in this time when he previously wasn't that bad, and told me I was controlling him. The truth was, I never knew where he was as he was never with me and his child. He would become enraged if I asked him where he was. I knew he was lying as his stories always changed when he was making conversation about what he was doing, but I was scared of his outbursts so I just lived my own life and tried to leave him be. If I pointed out his contradictions it would become 'my fault for remembering everything he said'.
Now is where it gets complicated. I have found that he has turned to crossdressing with other men, and turning to transvestites and bisexuality. He has been texting men on websites for this. His iCloud uncovered a whole heap of sordid information. I did read over sms that were exchanged that he will never be with a man unless they were dressed up.
I hate being a single mum, and my lifestyle was much better when I was with him. I have even considered an open relationship where I support his relationships with these, erm, men who dress up. I will however, not support the abuse of myself.
I was just hoping the abuse would stop if it all came out in the open and he could see whomever he wanted. He wasn't always abusive towards me, and he is nice to his friends, so maybe if we became more of a friends with benefits relationship he could become nicer? I wouldn't mind seeing lots of other people too and am also bisexual. I would like to keep my primary relationship though.
So here's the question: could the abuse be because of his sex addiction, and is this something he could get over ever.... Or, is he just abusive? Do many male sex addicts get abusive towards their partners when they want to act out and feel guilty or controlled by being in a relationship? Would the abuse likely stop if I let him be free to be himself now that I know everything, or is he incapable of being in a relationship? (He still doesn't know that I know.)
Also, is the crossdressing more likely because he has a feminine side or very bisexual, or could this be a result of a sex addiction that blew very out of proportion over time. I have a hard time believing he is bisexual as he really loves women...
How common is liking shemales and crossdressing for the men who are sex addicts? Anybody here have any idea?
Sorry about the long winded explanation and thank you very much to anyone who takes the time out to help sort out my messed up relationship.
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