I call it my 'zen place'. I try to breathe and take my time before I respond to whatever is being said. I'm in a diff situation because I have a 5 year old, so the blow ups, though violent, are containable because I can restrain if I have to. I try not to because it really only escalates the situation. When he is out of control, that is when I have to be in control, because he really can't stop.
how to find patience? breathe deeply and remember my son can't control it... Also, I'll tell him what I want from him and then walk away, (as long as things aren't being destroyed) When he can't have an audience, sometimes the rage ends more quickly.