Never do today what you can do tomorrow. Something may occur to make you regret your premature action.---Burr

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Mark Twain

"If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign of?"

Albert Einstein

It takes a heavy dog to weigh a ton.

Mr. Puffy Chestnut

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Mae West

Why dontcha come up and see me sometime.

Mae West

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.

Mae West

Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.

W. C. Fields

Every strike brings me closer to the next home run. –Babe Ruth

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.”

Yogi Berra

“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.” - Will Rogers

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Buddy Hackett

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

Rodney Dangerfield

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

George Bernard Shaw

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
John Lennon