It has taken me a long time to realize that my enabling behaviors have allowed my son to be far less than responsible over many years. He was adopted as an infant and I now know that he has an extensive family history in both biological parents's families with alcoholism, bi-polar, Narccisistic, Depression and Anxiety disorders. He often tells many, many lies and cannot budget. He recently moved to our town, after being in a 2 year relationship where his significant other kept a very tight rope on him, and no alcohol use. She died from a prescription pain pill overdose and we feel sure now that my son used meds inappropriately in the past two years. He stayed in our home for nearly two weeks, abusing the few bondaries he agreed to while we helped him pursue jobs. He now has two jobs, making enough money to live well, but appears to be binge spending and possibly drinking as soon as he is paid. He was abusive to us, calling the police after he gave us money to help him start a bank account. I am rereading Allison Bottke's book about setting boundaries with adult children. He told me last week when I gave him some mail that he did not need me in his life and that I was just a "fucking bitch." He said that after I told him that he was not welcome to our home until he did three things: 1. sincerely apologize for calling the police on the person who he asked to help him, 2. Seek help for his emotional/mental issues, and 3. get help for learning how to budget his hard earned money. He later sent me a phone message again stating for me to stay out of his fucking life. That is what I am doing at this time. He sent me a text message about wanting to go to the Dr. because he thought he had pink eye and also called me the same day. I did not answer and there was no message. I do not know what he is really doing or where he is living. I am trying hard to not worry about it, as he has a choice to change. I cannot change him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.