I have been a codepentent all my life, my father was an alcoholic, my mother was always seeking for love but would turn to the wrong people and I would have to step in many times when she was being abused. I married an alcoholic and we had 3 kids. When I was 27 I couldn't deal with being an alcoholic and I found out I was gay so I left him. I got involved with a woman and we were together for 9 yrs and decided to seperate but we were going to still see each other. I helped her get an apartment and set her up with furniture and all her things. After 4 months she told me she was seeing someone else and we stopped talking...it got pretty nasty between us. When she did that I went through a panic. I thought I would be alone so I went out and starting dating and I met some nice ladies that wanted to be a part of my life. They wanted to be with me and care for me but I grew tired o that really quickly...actually it never lasted more than 3 months. Then in September of last year my ex and I started talking, she was still seeing the other woman but we started talking. She confessed to me she was addicted to gambling. We talked and I went to support groups with her and we became friends that led to an affair. At first it was all about sex but that started to change for me. Her gf lived 3 hours away and they woul only see each other every other weekend so when her gf would come down, I was kicked to the curb. She wouldnt answer my calls, my emails...nothing and then Monday would come and she would call me and tell me she loved her gf and only wanted to be friends so I would say okay but we would end up sleeping together again. This happened 4 -5 times, the weekend would come and then the Monday call. Then in April, my ex had to have surgery and I was there to help her and care for her, I went to dr appts with her and would take her to the store and because she was out of work, I would help her with her bills. She broke up with her gf and we decided to get back together. She moved in at the end of May, I bought her things and did things for her. Before she moved in she asked me to hold her bank card and checkbook so I could help her with the gambling but when she would come to me for money...I would give it to her bc she would get upset. Last week she moved out, she said that she doesnt love me, she said that there are things in the past she cant get over and she just wants to be friends. Last weekend she invited the other woman down, she says she only wants friendship from both of us.
I have had the hardest time with all of this, I hate the thought of her being with the only woman and I think it is completely disrespectful bc she knows how I feel about this woman. She doesnt seem to care about my feelings at all but yet I have to care about hers. I know how this sounds, I am not stupid. i am driving myself crazy and i keep drilling her for answers that she says she cant give to me yet. She says she doesnt know why this happened and she needs time to think about it but on the only hand she is talking to this other woman. I know I need to let go, I know I need to get this woman out of my life but I just dont know where to start. I am so angry at myself for being so pathetic but I cannot stop. I know this is a pattern for me and I want to change it but I just dont how to start. She works in the office next to me (I helped get her the job) so I see her everyday, we go to lunch together everyday. She doesnt talk about the other woman to me unless I ask and I always ask. I have to stop asking but at the same time I am waiting the "Monday phone call"....I need some help!!