Welcome Terri glad to have you aboard.
I see you said you have a blog i will look
It up or maybe you can link it for me.

I am a alanoner and whatever else works
For me In my recovery. I got a lot Out of
Going to divorce care and therapy too. I
watch a lot if youtube videos and use the
internet.

I am finding recovery from being a codie
Is daunting and deep. I know now i can Come
back even if in a rabbit hole, its reassuring.

I am working on betrayal and abuse and i
Am grieving all over again even deeper this
Time around. I need to own my reality as hard
As it is.

I was in alanon for 3 years before i realized that
Codie little girl was still alive and kicking inside
Of me. I could not detach from my ex even with
no contact and moving after the divorce.

I think many of us have the same issues and come
From The same type of background and upbringing.
HUGS

Hi Miranda (I hope that's your name),

Thanks for your reply! Yes, "recovery from being a codie Is daunting and deep" but I can also testify that it is freeing and rewarding.

Some times we think we have delt with something in our lives and then are disheartened when it pops up all over again and we have to deal with it all over. But you are right, it will be at a deeper level. It will happen until you find the root and dig it out.

I don't believe that little codie girl will ever disappear but I do believe that if you listen to her and treat her with the love and respect she (you) deserves, there won't be much kicking within.

Here is the link to my blog: https://diaryofarecoveringcodependent.com/

I hope you find something encouraging. Thank you again for connecting with me!

Thank you for the link it looks impressive. I
Put an icon on my desktop to look at it more
later on.

Recovery is a life long journey and i plan to
Keep attending alanon. I go to my therapist
As needed and have for awhile.

I had no idea i still had the codie in me anymore.
I thought i had straightened up after some therapy
And i moved away from my mother. Then i married
A few years later. My ex was dry our whole marriage
But It was all still working unconsciously on both sides.

We both came from the same stuff. Narcissism, alcoholism,
Codependency, abuse and dysfunction. I call it a nasty
Ball of wax and we both had abusive mothers.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I have been
In recovery for 5 years and i feel like i am only scratching
The surface. I lost myself some where along the way In
my 30 year marriage. HUGS

Yep, recovery from codependency is a life-long journey. There is no quick or permanent fix. But, if we learn about it and do the work, it does become easier to recognize when we are being codependent and what we need to do to refocus ourselves. The more we learn, the healthier and happier we become. Good for you!!! Blessings on your journey!!

Hi welcome to the group and thanks for sharing :)

Thanks Salina!

Wow you guys are inspiring I no longer feel alone on my journey While reading about my narcissistic husband the word codependency kept on popping up I realised that my character checks out and this is why after 17 years of verbal abuse and isolation i krpt on returning to abusive marriage Currently reading codependency for dummies by Darlene Lancer Looking forward to reading you blog TerriR

Codependency comes from anyone from an abusive
And or dysfunctional family system. Their childhood
Developmental needs were not met and the Child did
not get good or healthy modeling. The child was often
taught They were not enough and they did not matter.

Dysfunction/abuse are about hiding behind the truth
and Not living authentically mostly living in denial. You
Can only change, fix and control yourself in recovery.
Many live in denial their whole lives and won't change.

There are all levels of dysfunction and abuse. Some
Times its a checked out parent, addicted, codie, an
Adult child themselves, they could even be work
Addicted or religiously addicted. They were not
There emotionally for the childs needs and their
development.

So the child learns unhealthy coping and survival skills.
Sometimes the child develops a false self if its too bad
So they can escape their Reality.

Check out melody Beattie book codependent no more,
i love Her book the language of letting go its a daily reader.
Its softer and gentler than alanon teachings, HUGS

Ive only just started my journey to recovery. Reading your post does help one feel less alone. I plan on reading more books and keep reading everyone's post due to the fact at this time i cant afford a counselor. So im doing what i can to start my recovery. Thanks for the inspiration.

Hi Onedayatatime73 and Carmal! I just want to encourage you both and let you know that you are NOT alone! I too felt that way for so long, until I began my recovery journey. I am so grateful for the people I have met along the way both in person and online. Keep reaching out and create your support group. They will be an enormous blessing along the journey! If you ever want to reach out, I am here for you!

It's so great to find people who understand! I just recently put a name to my behaviors or my personality - I am a caretaker to the point where I put others before me and lose myself. Codependency for 27 years in my failed marriage and depression, finally alcoholism. I've been sober for 7 years, but I find myself being codependent in my new relationship. I'm scared and I'm withdrawing. Painful

Hi Longingforme! Seven years sober is something to be very, very proud of! As for the withdrawing, do something small every day to get yourself out and about. Focus on doing something for yourself, whether it's taking yourself out for coffee or finding a quite place to read or reflect, whatever you like to do. Take your focus off your partner and put it on yourself. Keep reaching out and staying connected to safe people who can encourage and support you. You got this!