Codependents working their recovery Community Group
Working on recovery
I have been working on my recovery for the past year and a half, aided greatly because of a physical separation from my husband. I asked for divorce last October, but then admitted I did not "think ahead" about the ramifications of my request.
He started individual counseling and has made some great admissions, recognitions, and behavioral changes. However, he still sees me as the crazy one (recognizes he may have played a role in it). He has not identified his role as a narcissist. I have come to that label and realization myself in the last 6 months.
He said he wants to give us another try--go "all in" and striving forward together.
I have already grieved our marriage but find myself seriously considering his invitation. I have prayed on it. Analyzed it. I do not want to go back to our relationship, but he has assured me he does not want to go back to the past relationship either--we need to create a new one. It does not seem possible for me to go back and make it different--but people do that, don't they?
Help me?
What do you feel in your heart? What is your first thought? Do you still love him?
Only you can decide what is right for you. Listen to your inner voice.
My husband remains the one person in my life with whom I can engage in deep, philosophical conversations. I told him that I realize that the reason our last attempt to "try again" didn't work was because I had one foot out the door and one foot trying again. I think in writing this reply I'm still in that stance... :0
Yes, I want a divorce but I don't know if it's the right answer which is what keeps me thinking we should "try again". In my fantasy answer, we divorce and reconnect years later and fall in love all over again.
I'm not strong enough to withstand the backlash of my family, his family, our children or having to sell my family farm and pay him alimony.