Club Funny Bone Community Group
We all have a funny bone that is ticklish! Let's all have some fun and laughter, loosen up and cut up in a clean or, if you like, a dirty and ridiculous manner......everything goes on here from jokes to wordly gossip on your mind or just being a little bit silly! So come on and join in for the time of your life at Club Funny Bone! *****ALL MEMBERS MUST BE 18 yrs OR...
An Irishwoman of advanced age visited her physician to ask His help in reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor. "Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin". "Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra. Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went".
It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid. Just terrible, doctor!"
"Really? What happened" asked the doctor?"
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate! He jumped hisself straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?"
"Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed! 'Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again."
"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor. "Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin". "Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra. Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went".
It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid. Just terrible, doctor!"
"Really? What happened" asked the doctor?"
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate! He jumped hisself straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?"
"Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed! 'Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again."
A man went to the doctor, who told him that he had a bad illness
and only a year to live.
So he decided to talk to his pastor. After the man explained his
situation, he asked his Pastor if there was anything he could do.
"What you should do is go out and buy an old Dodge Pickup," said
the Pastor. "Then go get married to the ugliest woman you can
find, and buy yourselves an old trailer house in the panhandle of
Oklahoma."
"Will this help me live longer?"
"No," said the pastor, "but it will make what time you do have
seem like forever."
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive . . . .
So, I took her to a gas station . . . . .
And then the fight started . . . .
****
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed . I turned to her and said,
"Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered .
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes . "
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend . "
And then the fight started . . . .
********
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security .
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age .
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home .
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt' .
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair .
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
And she processed my Social Security application .
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office .
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants . You might have gotten Disability, too'
And then the fight started . . . . .
****
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage . I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour .
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed .
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible . '
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And that's how the fight started . . .
****
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at
A nearby table .
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend . I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many & years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since . '
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started . . . . .
****
I rear-ended a car this morning .
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out
of his car .
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and
Little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it . . . . He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
'I AM NOT HAPPY! !!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started . . . . .
****
I took my wife to a restaurant . The waiter, for some reason, took my order first .
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please . '
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself . '
And then the fight started . . . . .
****
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror .
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly . I really need you to pay me a compliment . '
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near per fect . '
And then the fight started . . . .
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