Club Funny Bone Community Group
We all have a funny bone that is ticklish! Let's all have some fun and laughter, loosen up and cut up in a clean or, if you like, a dirty and ridiculous manner......everything goes on here from jokes to wordly gossip on your mind or just being a little bit silly! So come on and join in for the time of your life at Club Funny Bone! *****ALL MEMBERS MUST BE 18 yrs OR...
When you have a
'I Hate My Job' day,
[even if retired you have those sometimes]
try this:
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson
Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favourite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins.
Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:
'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitised.'
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, 'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.'
HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS.
'I Hate My Job' day,
[even if retired you have those sometimes]
try this:
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson
Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favourite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins.
Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:
'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitised.'
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, 'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.'
HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS.
That job you can "STICK UP YOU'RE ASS!"
Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they
struck up a conversation. The black Lab turned to the chocolate Lab and
said, "So why are you here?" The brown Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I
piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the
final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's
bed."
The black Lab said, "So what is the vet going to do?" "Gonna
cut my nuts off," came the reply from the chocolate Lab. "They reckon
it'll calm me down.
"The black Lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked why you are
here?"
The yellow Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up
flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig
up the carpets but I went over the line last night when I dug a great
big hole in my owners couch."
"So what are they going to do to
you?" the black Lab inquired. "Looks like I'm losing my nuts
too", the dejected yellow Lab said.
The yellow Lab then turned to the black Lab and asked,
"Why are you here?"
"I'm a humper," the black Lab said. "I'll hump anything. IÃ?'ll hump the cat, a pillow, the
table, and fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see.
Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and she was bending
down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her
back and started hammering away".
The yellow and chocolate Labs exchanged a sad glance and said,
"So, nuts off for you too,
huh?"
The black Lab said...."No, I'm here to get my nails clipped."