If Your Only Contact With Three Spirits On Christmas Eve Is, Gin, Vodka And Bourbon.


If You Turn The Lawn Sprinklers On Christmas Eve To Keep Carolers Away


If You Buy All Of Your Christmas Gifts At A Store That Also Sells Gas.


If Your Favorite Version Of, ' Christmas Carol ' Stars Bob Parkwood Or Bill Clinton.


If Your Favorite Version Of. ' The Nutcracker ' Stars Andrew Golata.


If You Get Your Christmas Tree At A Rest Stop At Night.


If You Give Bathroom Fixtures As Christmas Gifts.


If Your Prized Ornament Is Santa Claus Shooting The Moon.


If Your Favorite Christmas Movie Is, Jurassic Park.


If Your Idea Of Christmas Dinner Is A Six Pack Of Beer And A Cheese Log.


If You Think ' Ho, Ho, Ho, ' Is A Line From A Rocky Movie.


If Your Best Christmas Tradition Involves A Fire And Reindeer Meat.


If You Use Your Christmas Club Money To Buy Wrestling Tickets.


If Your Favorite Version Of, ' Silent Night ' Is Sung By O. J. Simpson.


If You Favorite Version Of ' I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas ' Is Sung Bt The K. K. K. Choir - You Might Be A RED NECKED Scrooge.


If Your Favorite Pastime Is Putting Defective Bulbs In Your Neighbor's String Of Christmas Lights Or Defecting Christmas Lawn Caricatures With Eggnog.


If Your Only Holiday Decorations Is A Rotting Pumpkin.