Christians with MS Community Group
place where Christians with multiple sclerosis can come and make friends and talk. please no mean comments.
Hi everyone,
i am not sure if I should be post this here or journal but hope you understand my ramble.
I know it is Easter & a major time for Christians & faith but I have actually been questioning my faith more & more.
I have not been to church for months, cant handle the noise of the service, cant sit in the usual seats as need arms on the chair or else I slide sideways which means when I get there I have to ask for a chair to be got from the pastors office for me to sit on at back of church. Then I have to put my walker in front of me as otherwise someone will sit too close in front & if my leg spasms I would kick them. It is all so much fuss just to get there. That is after I have managed to get up, ready & got there in time. Then when the music starts I often find I cant understand the words because of the noise level. It became all too hard as when I went to leave I had to try to get through the crowds to get to the door.
OK so i stopped going to Church but I was managing to get to a home group once a fortnight as a friend picked me up as i dont drive at night.I also met once a month on a Friday night with about 6 ladies (again same friend or another one took me depending whos house we were at). this year I have not been to home group as it used to be at our Pastors place, he has moved to a different shurch after a lot of friction at church etc. it is now at another ladies house but I have never been let know whos house it is at. The friend who took me previously has been to it but never rang me to take me. She is now on holidays & will be retiring mid year so will spend a lot of time in Thailand with hubby. I know I cant rely on her anymore but am I being selfish in thinking that one of the others could take me when I know at least one couple could pick me up easily & for anyone else it would only be 10mins to get me?
What really brought it home to me is that when I was in hospital in Feb I had a couple of visitors - friends from church, 3 came one day & 1 other another day & I was in for 8 days. When I was home fri night group came over on my our bd & brought me cake & we had a lovely time with cappucinos & cake which they brought & served & did dishes after. It was a lovely surprise & I enjoyed it. That was Feb 19 (had got out night before). Since then I have spoken to one on msn had an email from the one who used to take me to things & that is all I have heard from.
I have not heard from any of the people I thought were my friends, even though I was off work 7 weeks & home for first 4. I did need help as couldnt do much but didnt get any from the "christian friends". A couple of nonchristians were much more helpful & supportive.
Sorry for rambling. I still belive in God & Christian faith but I dont think I believe in the "church family" any more. This is really hard for me as I was studying (before ms) to become a Christian counsellor/pastoral carer, & now got no interest in it at all.
I know it is the people that have let me down (again) but it does make me question my beliefs in meeting as a group etc when these people who I have known & shared for years in a lot of cases act as if I dont exist.
Does any of this make sense? How can I keep my faith strong without christian interaction & support? I cant even read Bible studies now without my back getting up & so I dont.
I do ask why me sometimes when more than ms is happening, but I can accept that it happens.
I dont know what I am trying to say but I am confused, questioning & questioning myself too. I dont trust so called friends & I have no family support other than my hubby. I do have a couple of good friends who have helped me lots, both non christians & dont believe in the institution of "church".
if you have read this far, thanks.
Sue
i am not sure if I should be post this here or journal but hope you understand my ramble.
I know it is Easter & a major time for Christians & faith but I have actually been questioning my faith more & more.
I have not been to church for months, cant handle the noise of the service, cant sit in the usual seats as need arms on the chair or else I slide sideways which means when I get there I have to ask for a chair to be got from the pastors office for me to sit on at back of church. Then I have to put my walker in front of me as otherwise someone will sit too close in front & if my leg spasms I would kick them. It is all so much fuss just to get there. That is after I have managed to get up, ready & got there in time. Then when the music starts I often find I cant understand the words because of the noise level. It became all too hard as when I went to leave I had to try to get through the crowds to get to the door.
OK so i stopped going to Church but I was managing to get to a home group once a fortnight as a friend picked me up as i dont drive at night.I also met once a month on a Friday night with about 6 ladies (again same friend or another one took me depending whos house we were at). this year I have not been to home group as it used to be at our Pastors place, he has moved to a different shurch after a lot of friction at church etc. it is now at another ladies house but I have never been let know whos house it is at. The friend who took me previously has been to it but never rang me to take me. She is now on holidays & will be retiring mid year so will spend a lot of time in Thailand with hubby. I know I cant rely on her anymore but am I being selfish in thinking that one of the others could take me when I know at least one couple could pick me up easily & for anyone else it would only be 10mins to get me?
What really brought it home to me is that when I was in hospital in Feb I had a couple of visitors - friends from church, 3 came one day & 1 other another day & I was in for 8 days. When I was home fri night group came over on my our bd & brought me cake & we had a lovely time with cappucinos & cake which they brought & served & did dishes after. It was a lovely surprise & I enjoyed it. That was Feb 19 (had got out night before). Since then I have spoken to one on msn had an email from the one who used to take me to things & that is all I have heard from.
I have not heard from any of the people I thought were my friends, even though I was off work 7 weeks & home for first 4. I did need help as couldnt do much but didnt get any from the "christian friends". A couple of nonchristians were much more helpful & supportive.
Sorry for rambling. I still belive in God & Christian faith but I dont think I believe in the "church family" any more. This is really hard for me as I was studying (before ms) to become a Christian counsellor/pastoral carer, & now got no interest in it at all.
I know it is the people that have let me down (again) but it does make me question my beliefs in meeting as a group etc when these people who I have known & shared for years in a lot of cases act as if I dont exist.
Does any of this make sense? How can I keep my faith strong without christian interaction & support? I cant even read Bible studies now without my back getting up & so I dont.
I do ask why me sometimes when more than ms is happening, but I can accept that it happens.
I dont know what I am trying to say but I am confused, questioning & questioning myself too. I dont trust so called friends & I have no family support other than my hubby. I do have a couple of good friends who have helped me lots, both non christians & dont believe in the institution of "church".
if you have read this far, thanks.
Sue
My church family has caused me the same sort of pain. I have been a part of the same church for almost 30yrs and when I got sick it felt like no one noticed. A few called and a couple came by at first but then nothing. Like you it's hard for me to attend services but when I do I expected maybe to be welcomed but it didn't happen like I thought it would. It was almost like I was invisible. This made me have hard feelings that didn't belong in my heart.
I had to come to terms that it was God that was important not the people at the church. I was attending church to praise Him, not be seen or see others. On the days when I couldn't go to church I still tried to worship in my heart, that is what God wants. He sees our struggles and lonliness. He meets those needs if we let Him.
Sue don't let these people change your relationship with God. See them for what they are, humans who make mistakes. Be bold and call one of these people and let them know that you miss being a part of the group and see what happens. They may think that you are not up to it yet and that's why they haven't called.
I pray that you find peace with this and it all works out. Whatever happens you know that you are loved. God will place the people in your life that are supposed to be there at the right time. I honestly believe that.
Love,
Sylvia
You are right in all that you have said. I have decided not to phone them as I always seem to be the one doing that. I did phone one recently as she is going through a tough time with breast cancer but instead of her appreciating the call I felt like I was intruding/unwanted. She is part of our Friday night group that met once a month but hasnt met this year at all.
One other lady did phone me on Friday but I wasnt home, I know it is awkward for her (family wise) to phone on weekends so I will phone her back on Monday night. I didnt phone Friday as I was very tired from work, I was asleep in no time on the couch.
I talked to one of my cousins about how friends disapear & she agreed with me as she had the same with her illness (she has been in & out of hospital & chemo for cancer) & her friends & family have gradually stopped calling etc too.
It doesnt affect my relationship with God but I feel like I am not being encouraged or helped to keep focused & learn (sort of, cant word it better).
Thanks again,
Sue
I prayed for my pastor and I begin to pray for my family members and God restored..But finding a church that has love and the holy spirit present and the belief in healing and laying on of hands is where you need to seek. Make some phone calls to churches and explain your situation, then pray for God to lead you to the church he wants you at...I used to lay on my couch and place my bible in the floor, my hands were tooooo tired and fatigued to hold it and I would turn side ways and read the pages from the floor..God sent his word to heal us and there is mighty power in the word of God we need it in our life..
There is a scripture in Matt that talks about the last days and how ppl would be lovers of themselves and proud and boastful and self seeking, having a form of godliness but denying the power of God, and Jesus Christ and then it says that when the Lord comes back will any faith be found in man? Faith comes from hearing the word of God, we can not hear his voice without reading and meditating on his word if you are having the horrible cognitive issues get the new testament on Cd and listen to it, it is mighty and powerful!
Will write in my journal (if I havent)
Love