Hi, I'm posting this here, as opposed to the other sexual addict group, because I need Christian advice. We all know that we are to forgive (regardless of whether or not the other person deserves it, or has asked for it.) In addition to that, if the person has confessed, repented, and is turning from their ways, we are to forgive as well. (I say we are to forgive, becaust the bible says to forgive our enemies....I dont' know of any time that a person would be an enemy and asked for forgiveness.) Anyway, my question is this: My husband is having difficulty forgiving me for what I've done. On one level, I understand, but on another level I don't. He says that to him, forgiveness can't be offered, and have the bad feeling remain. To me, that makes no sense (from a biblical view.) It's almost like whether or not he is justified in feeling hurt and angry, that he would rather hold on to those, than to forgive. To me it seems prideful and stubborn. He is refusing to forgive because he hurts, and he "can't just turn them off" (the feelings.) I would think this, even if it wasn't me that was the object of his unforgiveness. He is feeling physically ill, because of his emotions, and while I do think he will continue to feel them, justifiably; am I wrong to think that offering forgiveness is a step toward loosing the hold those emotions have on him? I have said I am sorry I don't even know how many times, I've confessed and repented to the Lord, and I'm actively seeking recovery. I guess I just don't see what is left to keep him from forgiving me. Our humanity may keep us from being able to stop feeling our emotions, so I don't expect that, but I just want to yell at him sometimes...just forgive!!! (Again, I'd feel this way even if it weren't about this situation.) Any thoughts???
Lots of thoughts. i totally understand where u are coming from.There are 2 issues we are dealing with 1)forgiveness 2)forgetting. The 2 are different form each other in this way, forgiving is a choice spirit and mind. To forget is not that simple. i understand your H. he is deeply hurt ( i don't know what u did but it don't really matter) He is going to have to take time to get over them. only God can forget totally. We have all been hurt by something or someone. I have been trying for a year to get over something and i am almost there .but it still creeps up. I would like to retaliate and get revenge and stay mad but i try not to think about it and i hope my emotions catch up with my spirit. My advice is to be patient with him and try to remember the time and reason u got togather in teh first place. He just needs time to heal his heart and u too. just TALK make sure u keep communication open , this is very important. Be patient and try to unsderstand teh other persons prospective. i willpray for u guys. idf u wouldlike to talk more message. anytime
honey, i don't know how long ago this issue happened, but it seems to me that he just needs some time. i can't tell you how long it took me to forgive the abusers i have had in my life. in fact it took many years to even comprehend that i could forgive them and still be hurt by the things that they did to me. so it may just take him time to forgive you and understand that even forgiving you, he will still be hurt by whatever you did. i am sure that since he is a christain, he will forgive you one day. we are not asked to do this by god, we are commanded to. anyhow, i know this is hard for you, but keep on hanging in there. i am praying for ya!
I think that what you guys are doing is working on two different definitions of forgiveness. I think that forgiveness is a choice, which appears to be a belief you share. However, we can go to God and say that we want to forgive, and say that we forgive, and ask for help forgiving...but that doesn't mean our emotions are in-line with what we're trying to do. I think that you can choose to forgive, but also struggle with the feelings, and being wise as serpents, making sure that you are not putting yourself in the situation to be hurt again...
In terms of practical stuff...Have you considered marriage counseling? I would highly recommend that for you. There's a website of therapists that value marriage www.marriagefriendlytherapists.com
You might be able to find someone near you.
In terms of practical stuff...Have you considered marriage counseling? I would highly recommend that for you. There's a website of therapists that value marriage www.marriagefriendlytherapists.com
You might be able to find someone near you.