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:::::::::::@@@:::::::::::: Beth

So pretty Beth!! THANK YOU<333

My pleasure.

Lately I've been making really bad decisions and going down a really bad path the past 7 months. And, I will say i am 14 so some of these things may come as a surprise, most in which I am not proud of. But first I'll start with my story.. because as we all know, everyone has a story. Up until 5th grade, I was a really happy little girl. I mean of ocurse I had my struggles and go tbullied sometimes, but almost everyone goes through that. That year, my oldest brother was murdered. He was caught up in the middle of a drug deal or something, and he had just gotten out of rehab so he was doing much better. To this day we still don't really know exactly what happened, but the guy only got 15 years as counted with several other deaths from drug selling etc. After that during my 6th grade year, my parents took a rough turn and split up. They always had their ups and downs and fights, but this was for the better.. I guess. I tried to stay strong through it all but i struggled. After about a year of them being split up, my mom met someone. I was happy for her. It took me a while to get use to the thought, but I finally warmed up to him i guess. But one night... he did something unforgiveable. He sexually asalted me in my moms bed and tried to use me. I finally got help and talked to police but he never got charged. crazy, right? So afterall these events i myself took a dark turn. I now have severe depression and anxiety. And i have self harmed many times. Right now i'm truthfully only 2 weeks clean. until last night. so lately I've been talking to some people and doing some bad things. I guess i've been hanging around the wrong people again... and ive been pressured and i know i still have a mind and can make my own decisions but i just didnt wanna be the odd person of the group, ya know? so ive vaped, smoked cigs (nasty i know.. something ill never do in my life again. and got into some problems with guys... and sending things and doing bad things all together. I can't even look at myself without feeling disgusted now.. but anyways, my dad found out all these things and hes only finding it out little by little from going through my phone... and i dont know what to do. i feel so terrible and mad at myself. i dont know how to handle it. he screams and yells and cusses at me now almost everytime we talk. I know hes severely over the top mad at me.. of course. thats expected. but i hate myself now for this.. i love my dad to death and being in a situation like this absolutely kills me and destroys me. I just with things could go back to the way that they were before. im finding my way back to god slowly but surely..i just wish me and my dad could too. and i know it will take time. i just wish i could leave.. and run away . it almost feels like this is some sort of bad dream. i wish i could wake up . i just dont know anymore...

First off...welcome everyone. A great place to unload, rant, ask questions...whatever.

Speaking of which, warrior, you are way to young to be so bitter. But, something I have learned through my experiences (I am 56 now) is you make the choice moment by moment how you will react to what people do...to you, for you, with you, at you, etc., etc., etc.
The more you look for God the more you see Him. This takes a while (sometime years) because at first He does little things to find out if you are watching, paying attention.

I'm not going to put pretty pictures in your head. I will not say sappy, silky things like " you can do anything with god." Because the wording is not quite right. I just want to warn you...life is not an easy road. There will be valleys...there will be mountaintops. There will be dark, deep times and there will be bright, wonderful times. My point...we have to experience the valleys to truly appreciate the mountain tops. After the mountaintop, there is always another valley to endure. But, the past is in your past. Learn the lessons from that, but don't unpack and stay there,

Enought ranting and raving. I do hope you listen and get something from my diatribe (long drawn out speech)

I would say you need to see a counselor, Christian or otherwise. Perhaps your pastor would be the best place to start.

I also want to encourage you to read the Bible. I was in a very bad situation about 18 years ago. I was totally disabled by a crippling disease and God told me to read 5 psalms a day. Wow! I learned about real people and who God was. That helped me understand there is no perfect life, and everyone suffers. As Christians, we can learn through suffering.

“More than that, we rejoice in our suffering, knowing that suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character and character produces hope. And hope does not disappoint, because God’s love has been poured out through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5

You have gone through a lot in your life already, but God understands. As to why these things happen, it is because we live in a Fallen world.

PS Make sure you are reading a modern version of the Bible, like NIV or HCSB or CBS. NET is good too! And always pray, even though it is hard when you are depressed!

Feel free to come and ask for help, and I will be praying for you.