My first marriage was very abusive. I left when he told me he wanted to have sex with our child when she started her period. He saw her twice in 32 years. I didn't worry or care where he was. My daughter found out two years ago that he had been in jail for the past 18 years for assaulting a child. He tried to contact her and she told him to go away. Well just before I went down to Texas to take care of her after her surgery in December she found out that he got out of prison in December of 2013. He was committed to an out patient program for violent sexual predators. He appealed his commitment in October. She found it online. He had raped his 8 year old nephew. And he had exposed himself to 6 and 10 year old girls. During the time he was doing these things, his mom had flown Heather and me down to Texas to stay at her house with him there for a week. Twice. He didn't spend one second alone with my child. I made sure of it. But his mom knew he had been arrested for this stuff and she still had him stay in the same house with us!
Oh I went a little insane when I read about it. I have never hated before. My idea of hate is to be able to see someone tortured and not feel any sympathy at all or any empathy. For awhile that is how I felt about my ex husband. I talked to my pastor about it. I prayed and I still hated him. For weeks and weeks I prayed and still hated him.
Then two nights ago while I was praying, I was praying for him. I remembered his face as he held me down and was choking me. I remember looking in his eyes and seeing torment there. A tormented soul.
I don't feel sorry for him. I don't empathize with him and I am still very angry with him. I still feel like he should be in jail forever. But his soul needs praying for. And somehow, in the thirty years since I left him, I have finally found some peace.