and my father has recently battled prostate cancer and heart surgery and isnt well enogh for a big move either..The only bathhroom is on the second floor and the bedroom as well. So she needs to take the stairs everyday. Please pray that she would be safe and healed of the MS. I am trusting the Lord. Thanks again

I am sorry your parents are having health distress so common to aging. I will pray they continue to find comfort in the love of Christ. I will pray they be surrounded by family and caregivers helping them in their plight. I will pray they are able to make the adjustments necessary to their aging conditions, even if it means moving to a one story facility. I will trust in the Lord that you and your parents will find comfort in one another as you go through the days ahead.

Thankyou for your prayers..My father is not a believer..I pray that he turns to the Lord. We help them but they are very proud and dont want our help they turn it down a lot..We try to buy them groceries and I suggest my mother has the lifeline in case of emergency..but they dont want help and they are deteriorating..Its difficult

Oh, Kathilee, this puts a spin on the situation of which those of us who have gone through this are all too familiar. May this give you peace: there is not a situation any elder goes through that hasn't already been plowed by someone else, so work with your agencies rather than try to re-invent the wheel. What's coming is the probable need for an assisted living facility and/or nursing home care.

Those fiercely independent sometimes have the hardest time in the senior years because they have never learned how to give in, ask for help, and allow the village to assist them. The aging body makes reconsider many of the very things that have kept them alive and fighting all these years.

Initially, we had to hire a geriatric care manager in dealing with my mother who had paranoid schizophrenia. She went into an small home care, hated it, and had to be moved to a nursing home of which she loved. It had nurses and a doctor and a pharmacy clerk and a nutrition specialist and all types of staff that comforted her. Wodda' thot? To Mom she was in a medical "spa" and she died peacefully in her sleep at age 90.

Yes, your dad's salvation is of utmost importance. And make an appointment with their doctor(s) if you must and tell him/her your assessment of their situation. If they are not safe in their home, he can recommend they take the next step in assistance. For instance, if they are hospitalized in the near future, the doctor can say they cannot go back into their home unless they have 24/7 assistance of which gets more expensive than a facility.

What I learned from my elder care people is to see the next steps of aging from our children's point of view and to not be so darn stubborn. I want their lives to continue normally without my aging unbalancing the whole family. I talk openly with them as to when it is time for me to go off to "finishing school" and how delighted I'll be to get the proper help they cannot provide for me. And they know I mean it.

Prayers to you. Work smart on this, not hard; call upon the village already in place who will have answers to all of your questions.

Possibly your parents could buy one of those motorized deals that takes a chair up and down steps so they don't have to climb them anymore. Maybe their insurance would cover the cost or a part of it.

It is tough as we get older to let go of our various abilities, and having to humble ourselves to sometimes trust the opinion of others who've been there already.

Sorry you're going through this, and I'll be praying for the situation to be resolved.

Thankyou for your prayers..I just spoke with my mother and she told me that she thinks she has had the bisquit! She is very weak..I told her about the chair installation for the steps and she said NO your father wouldnt want that..I suggested that I get an occupational therapist to go visit her at her house or that she go to see the doctor..answer is no to those things as well. :(

I have seen them on kijiji for sale used even

May I ask how old your parents are? I'm guessing Dad is in his 80s?

Seems like it's time for you to talk with someone in the know re: their decline. Family will HAVE to step in, so you and your sibs and other proactive family members may as well get a pow wow going as to what the next course of actions is given their mind set and deteriorating health.

I hope your dad consents to a family member having a separate medical power of attorney for himself and for your mom. Do they have a will? Is their financial house in order? Sorry to have to throw in more of what's coming, but these things are all part of their having to realize that they are not going to outrun these age-appropriate responsibilities. When a person faces the legals, they often get more ready for the other steps coming.

Meanwhile, please consider seeking outside help for yourself in relieving your stress proactively. There are so many people out there going through the same thing and there are good answers available for all situations.

Will pray for you and your family, kathilee.

Thankyou Edyebeady for your prayers.That is the main thing in need because God has the power..no one else..including myself. My parents still have their faculties about them and just because they are stubborn and dont want help doesnt mean that I can force them to do anything that they dont want to. They will make their own decisions..we can encourage them with love .

To whatsnew..They are in 69 years old..Curious why you thought they were in their 80s? Yes they have a will and finances in order. Thanks for your advice.

Their condition sounded so much older to me. And when parents are in the 80s and not able to keep themselves clean and safe, the family, etc. has to step in and make waves, which is EXTREMELY hard for kids, now grown, to convince their parent that what they are about to do is for their own good. I studied to be a geriatric case manager (but didn't complete my degree) and have seen this scenario repeatedly within elder care dynamics. The sadness especially is when one spouse has promised to take care of their spouse to the end and they just don't have the energy and brain power to be an adequate caregiver. By the time outside help comes in, they are nutritionally deprived, often with UTIs, meds not taken regularly, can't turn off the stove (and become a danger to the neighborhood), stink from not bathing, etc.

Getting them into sound care facilities is a blessed relief. I thank God for the caring and devoted people who want to work there. Some of them were the kindness people I have ever met and did so much good for my mom that I couldn't do. And the social support is wonderful too for the elder as each makes friends, etc.

My prayers continue for you and your family.

Yes, I'm 67, and I thought they were probably much older than me too, just because of the severity of their problems. Definitely will pray for them and for the rest of the family. It's not easy, I know...

I guess MS can be quite severe..As you know many young people are diagnosed and are in a wheelchair at a young age

Do you think your mother is getting proper care? With MS, I am surprised she is still able to be home given her age. I know this is a tough question, Kathilee. These are the questions common to elders having your folks' type of escalating medical conditions. Your father might be at the turning point of having to realize he cannot handle through sheer will power the true medical needs of either himself and/or his wife. That's why caregivers are usually much younger than the elders they tend.

Continued prayers for you and your family.