Christian Support Group Community Group
This is a place for everyone who loves Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior (or those who are seeking Him), to come and discuss important issues in their lives and find support from fellow believers in regards to their faith and life. We uphold the Bible and living a Christ-like life, not as a way to heaven, but as a reflection of our love for God.
Okay, let me start off by saying our church only has about 12 people in it. The church divided back in the 70s and never really recovered.
This is the church my husband has always gone to and I started going to after we got married. And I will say that the church has helped us out in our times of need.
But here is the problem the Pastor is a male chulvanistic pig. Let me say that he is in his late 70s early 80s and maybe he cant help it. But that is not all.
It's like when we would mow his grass (5 acres). When my husband and I were done and we would go into the house, if his wife wasn't there, it was, "Jennifer why don't you fix your husband and I lunch?" or Get them something to drink etc.
But he calls me every Saturday to make sure I will be at church. If I say I don't know because I'm sick or have other plans, he badgers me until I say I will be there. Even if I have already told him that I have other plans. But if my husband doesn't go or shows up and sleeps during service that is completely fine with him. My feelings concerns and thoughts don't seem to matter to him unless I am asking questions about scripture. And even then I argue with him sometimes.
I have asked other people in the church if he does this with them, and they say, "Yeah, he calls." but he doesn't belittle them the way he does me.
I have tried talking to him, but it just goes in one ear and out the other. Oh and heaven forbid I visit another church for a friend's baptism or anything like that. He just gets so upset that I think he is going to have a stroke. So yes, I have lied about where I was going on Sunday instead of his church.
Any advice anyone?
This is the church my husband has always gone to and I started going to after we got married. And I will say that the church has helped us out in our times of need.
But here is the problem the Pastor is a male chulvanistic pig. Let me say that he is in his late 70s early 80s and maybe he cant help it. But that is not all.
It's like when we would mow his grass (5 acres). When my husband and I were done and we would go into the house, if his wife wasn't there, it was, "Jennifer why don't you fix your husband and I lunch?" or Get them something to drink etc.
But he calls me every Saturday to make sure I will be at church. If I say I don't know because I'm sick or have other plans, he badgers me until I say I will be there. Even if I have already told him that I have other plans. But if my husband doesn't go or shows up and sleeps during service that is completely fine with him. My feelings concerns and thoughts don't seem to matter to him unless I am asking questions about scripture. And even then I argue with him sometimes.
I have asked other people in the church if he does this with them, and they say, "Yeah, he calls." but he doesn't belittle them the way he does me.
I have tried talking to him, but it just goes in one ear and out the other. Oh and heaven forbid I visit another church for a friend's baptism or anything like that. He just gets so upset that I think he is going to have a stroke. So yes, I have lied about where I was going on Sunday instead of his church.
Any advice anyone?
I wonder if you're respecting his title too much, and not respecting yourself enough. I would not lie. You can just say, "Sorry, I'm too busy." If the wife asks you to make lunch, you can say if it's true: "Sorry, I'm feeling pretty tired right now. Can you handle that?"
A wonderful book that helped me a lot is "Co-dependent No More" by Melody Beattie. This is a book to help a person to understand that we don't always have to please other people, and we do have a right to have a boundary that noone crosses, and we are allowed to say No. It is very freeing when you say your first NO, (in a nice way) and get out of doing something that you really know you don't want to do. It frees you up to say YES to God's will and NO to the will of others who have their own agenda.
I hope this helps you. It sure sounds like you're not valuing yourself as much as you should. God bless!
So many men are misogynist, and use the Bible to justify it, which is twisting scriptures. Judy has some good advice, esp. About getting that book.
Another good book is "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Praying you can work this out.
Oh I read that damn book in 1990 when I was hospitalized. And he only asked me to fix something if his wife WASN'T there.
I will pray for you. Remember God loves you!
It All Comes Down to One Thing…
Motives… Why are we doing (or not doing) something? Are we being motivated by fear, personal gain or a sense of obligation? Are we being motivated by a desire to be in control, accepted or seen? These are all the wrong reasons for doing something. Our motive for doing anything should always be because God has prompted us and we want to please Him. Following the leading of the Holy Spirit means we are motivated by the fruits of the Holy Spirit, such as love, kindness and goodness. What the Spirit leads us to do or not do, He will give us a peace about.
Remember, whatever you and I do, if we will do it as unto the Lord, our lives and the lives of others will be blessed. If you help a family member, do it as unto the Lord. If you visit with relatives, do it as unto the Lord. If you work in the nursery at church, do it as unto the Lord. If you are getting dressed, washing the dishes, driving to work, cutting the grass, or going to the grocery store, do it as unto the Lord.
In other words, with everything you do, do it with the motive of pleasing God. The result will be a new measure of joy and enthusiasm in your life—even in the everyday, ordinary things.
I encourage you to shake off the way people think or feel about you and just begin to do what you feel God wants you to do. If you need strength in this area, and I think we all do, pray and ask the Lord for His grace to follow after His voice instead of the pressures and demands of others. That you may walk (live and conduct yourselves) in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him and desiring to please Him in all things…(Colossians 1:10).
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I asked the Christian church pastor about the way the Lutheran pastor acts and he told me that ii was not unusual for elderly pastors to be very insecure about their flock. Especially since his church split so long ago. I asked my husband about that and he said it was because the treasurer had stolen a bunch of money. After his prison time the pastor let him come back to the church. Well, most of the congregation felt he was wrong and they left the church.