Lately I've been making really bad decisions and going down a really bad path the past 7 months. And, I will say i am 14 so some of these things may come as a surprise, most in which I am not proud of. But first I'll start with my story.. because as we all know, everyone has a story. Up until 5th grade, I was a really happy little girl. I mean of ocurse I had my struggles and go tbullied sometimes, but almost everyone goes through that. That year, my oldest brother was murdered. He was caught up in the middle of a drug deal or something, and he had just gotten out of rehab so he was doing much better. To this day we still don't really know exactly what happened, but the guy only got 15 years as counted with several other deaths from drug selling etc. After that during my 6th grade year, my parents took a rough turn and split up. They always had their ups and downs and fights, but this was for the better.. I guess. I tried to stay strong through it all but i struggled. After about a year of them being split up, my mom met someone. I was happy for her. It took me a while to get use to the thought, but I finally warmed up to him i guess. But one night... he did something unforgiveable. He sexually asalted me in my moms bed and tried to use me. I finally got help and talked to police but he never got charged. crazy, right? So afterall these events i myself took a dark turn. I now have severe depression and anxiety. And i have self harmed many times. Right now i'm truthfully only 2 weeks clean. until last night. so lately I've been talking to some people and doing some bad things. I guess i've been hanging around the wrong people again... and ive been pressured and i know i still have a mind and can make my own decisions but i just didnt wanna be the odd person of the group, ya know? so ive vaped, smoked cigs (nasty i know.. something ill never do in my life again. and got into some problems with guys... and sending things and doing bad things all together. I can't even look at myself without feeling disgusted now.. but anyways, my dad found out all these things and hes only finding it out little by little from going through my phone... and i dont know what to do. i feel so terrible and mad at myself. i dont know how to handle it. he screams and yells and cusses at me now almost everytime we talk. I know hes severely over the top mad at me.. of course. thats expected. but i hate myself now for this.. i love my dad to death and being in a situation like this absolutely kills me and destroys me. I just with things could go back to the way that they were before. im finding my way back to god slowly but surely..i just wish me and my dad could too. and i know it will take time. i just wish i could leave.. and run away . it almost feels like this is some sort of bad dream. i wish i could wake up . i just dont know anymore...