CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
Just putting this out there. Is it possible that cutting ourselves off from our children is greatly damaging to everyone in the family including ourselves. We have a difficult older daughter. She is married and has no seemingly challenging issue with closing the door of her emotions towards us. We went through some challenging times with her as parents. My family of origin was extremely dysfunctional in many ways. As a mother I did many things right just as I did wrong. It was very difficult for me, but I made restitution to her for the behaviors that had hurt her....for the times I wasnt there for her and so on. This took a few years. We celebrated the good things and openly took responsibility about the bad ones. Now, there is nothing more I can do. I know I have done everything I could to support her transition from our errors of the past to a new and healthy relationship together. How well we get along, whether she and her family come around, or whether I get to see my granddaughter or not is at the mercy of her moods. It is not what I have done....it is what I dont do. There will always be times I do not meet her expectations so I have stopped. I am free of the emotional bondage of dancing around her demands. That being said, she never calls me. If I want for us to do something or get together....she is too busy. OK, fine. If they are too busy to visit us, we go there. If she doesn't call me, I call her. This may be different than for some of you because she does repsond to that. It took time and loving perseverance with prayers. I could not have done it without God.
This is better than no relationship at all. Prayerfully, even after I am dead, she will come to realize that...as Carol Burnett said... I love her enough to let her hate me and continue to love her.
This is better than no relationship at all. Prayerfully, even after I am dead, she will come to realize that...as Carol Burnett said... I love her enough to let her hate me and continue to love her.
Just my opinion.
ED will get there one day, maybe when their children hurt them they will understand what they have done.
to understand someone we have to experience what they feel. I wish you peace as I wish for us all. I know the only answer is to surrender to God everyday and refocus our thoughts. Peace.
As I see what you are doing is what this calls for, you are pursuing peace as scripture calls for. You have looked within yourself for any wrong doings that you say you have committed. We are called to do that. You have apologized for any wrongs you have committed. We are called to do that also.
You seem to be at peace with knowing that now that what you have done to make peace in your family has been tried and that the change of heart has to come from your daughter before a true and good relationship with her can exist.
If I were able to do so, I would do exactly what you are doing with our ES and DIL. Unfortunately, in our case; it is the DIL that is calling the shots in their family.
I love what you have to say at the end,....." I love her enough to let her hate me and continue to love her." There are times in peoples lives that are so bitter and angry with God that they can be heard to say...."I hate God for allowing...(whatever)" Yet, did God stop loving that person even when He was hated by them? No!
In the Parables of the Lost Coin, the Lost Sheep and the Prodigal Son, of which all three are one right after the other, the Father allowed them to rebel against Him but He never stopped loving them and went after the lost sheep and the lost coin. It was only with the Prodigal Son that he did not go after him. Instead, he waited lovingly and prayerfully for the son to repent. To me, in those three parables, I get the message that we are to try as much as is in our power to bring them back into the fold, but when we recognize that they also have freewill to rebel for however long that may be, we are to love them in the meantime, look to ourselves to ensure that we are in right standing with our Lord, try when and whatever we can, and when we know that we cannot do more without creating more harm, we are to wait patiently and prayerfully.
As I see what you are doing is what this calls for, you are pursuing peace as scripture calls for. You have looked within yourself for any wrong doings that you say you have committed. We are called to do that. You have apologized for any wrongs you have committed. We are called to do that also.
You seem to be at peace with knowing that now that what you have done to make peace in your family has been tried and that the change of heart has to come from your daughter before a true and good relationship with her can exist.
If I were able to do so, I would do exactly what you are doing with our ES and DIL. Unfortunately, in our case; it is the DIL that is calling the shots in their family.
I love what you have to say at the end,....." I love her enough to let her hate me and continue to love her." There are times in peoples lives that are so bitter and angry with God that they can be heard to say...."I hate God for allowing...(whatever)" Yet, did God stop loving that person even when He was hated by them? No!
In the Parables of the Lost Coin, the Lost Sheep and the Prodigal Son, of which all three are one right after the other, the Father allowed them to rebel against Him but He never stopped loving them and went after the lost sheep and the lost coin. It was only with the Prodigal Son that he did not go after him. Instead, he waited lovingly and prayerfully for the son to repent.
To me, in those three parables, I get the message that we are to try as much as is in our power to bring them back into the fold, but when we recognize that they also have freewill to rebel for however long that may be, we are to love them in the meantime, look to ourselves to ensure that we are in right standing with our Lord, try when and whatever we can, and when we know that we cannot do more without creating more harm, we are to wait patiently and prayerfully - which is what you are doing.