CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
Googled the topic "Christian parents who walk away" and it pulled up an article of why kids from good families walk away from the faith. The author himself says he does not have THE answers but does lay out some speculations. It wasn't so much his article that I found interesting but the many comments posted by adults who had walked away from the faith in their teenage and early adult years. If I believed that failings by parents, churches, youth pastors, pastors, etc... could really be blamed for adult children walking away, the reasons that they give would be very compelling. Read their comments. After I read them, I found myself agreeing that most churches, pastors, etc.. are guilty of their accusations but I maintain they are not guilty of the ac's lack of faith because faith is a gift of God, "not of ourselves lest any man should boast" as it says in the Bible I also know that it is very possible that these commenters did not have ears to hear and therefore did not "hear" the truth being taught them in their youth. I remember one or our teenagers went to church camp one summer and when they returned, they were exuberant about an epiphany they had had after listening to a sermon given there. The epiphany they had had was on a topic that was a very basic doctrine of the faith as if they had NEVER heard it before! I know for a FACT that they had been taught that truth in our home, in their schooling (I was their teacher), from the pulpit, from others, etc.... many times as they were being raised. They were taught this truth with a preponderance of Biblical reference and NOT from an I said so position. But despite the many years of Christian training, she didn't "hear" that truth until she was in her late teens!
One of the accusations made I could totally relate to because it led me out of the DENOMINATION that I was raised in In eighth grade I decided I was going to really read my bible in its entirety starting with the NT. I came across a passage in scripture that was in direct contradiction to what the denomination was teaching and it was not the only one on this particular topic. I brought my Bible to my teacher and showed her the passage, told her I was confused, and asked her to explain its inconsistency with what that church taught. She slammed it shut and hissed, "That book is full of mistakes! You just believe what WE teach you!" Well that is what slowly led me out of the denomination but not away from the Christian faith because I believed with all my heart that the Bible is the inspired, infallible word of God and the ONLY rule for faith and practice and any Christian denomination not teaching according to it, was teaching their OPINION and not TRUTH. And that at age 13! That was the Grace of God who gave me the gift of faith despite the false prophets and led me in the way of truth until I was born again. So I cry "huey!" when people blame other people for their lack of faith. Jesus says that no one can come to Him unless the Father first draws him.
Parents, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! You can't disciple someone who has not been given the gift of faith. Unless they have faith, they do not have ears to "hear". Anyway, check out this article but it's the comments that I think you will find most enlightening.
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/faithwalkers/2013/11/why-do-kids-from-good-families-walk-away-from-the-faith/
One of the accusations made I could totally relate to because it led me out of the DENOMINATION that I was raised in In eighth grade I decided I was going to really read my bible in its entirety starting with the NT. I came across a passage in scripture that was in direct contradiction to what the denomination was teaching and it was not the only one on this particular topic. I brought my Bible to my teacher and showed her the passage, told her I was confused, and asked her to explain its inconsistency with what that church taught. She slammed it shut and hissed, "That book is full of mistakes! You just believe what WE teach you!" Well that is what slowly led me out of the denomination but not away from the Christian faith because I believed with all my heart that the Bible is the inspired, infallible word of God and the ONLY rule for faith and practice and any Christian denomination not teaching according to it, was teaching their OPINION and not TRUTH. And that at age 13! That was the Grace of God who gave me the gift of faith despite the false prophets and led me in the way of truth until I was born again. So I cry "huey!" when people blame other people for their lack of faith. Jesus says that no one can come to Him unless the Father first draws him.
Parents, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! You can't disciple someone who has not been given the gift of faith. Unless they have faith, they do not have ears to "hear". Anyway, check out this article but it's the comments that I think you will find most enlightening.
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/faithwalkers/2013/11/why-do-kids-from-good-families-walk-away-from-the-faith/
That said, my own parents were not born again believers, and never attended church except for weddings, and I am grateful that The Lord called me to "hear" Him. My ED has sadly made the choice to abandon her loving Heavenly Father in favor of her sinful, selfish, earthly one.
The Parable of the Barren Fig Tree
6 And he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came seeking fruit on it and found none. 7 And he said to the vinedresser, ‘Look, for three years now I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree, and I find none. Cut it down. Why should it use up the ground?’ 8 And he answered him, ‘Sir, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and put on manure. 9 Then if it should bear fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it down.’”
Perhaps the the little "trees" we have planted that are not bearing fruit just need to have a LOT more manure piled on before they start producing! ; )
I never watched this movie (The Butterfly Effect) myself but heard about the premise- some very bad things happen to the main character in his childhood and in his young adulthood and he has the supernatural ability to go back repeatedly and make alterations to those events in order to effect a positive outcome. But with every alteration, comes other nightmarish outcomes and no matter what changes he makes, nothing good comes of them. The Bible tells us that "A man plans his way but God directs his steps." God orders all things according to His perfect will and HIS plans. Remember how even Paul was kept from HIS plan to go see the Thessolonian church by Satan? Do you think that God couldn't have overruled that had He so desired? Paul had planned his way but GOD was directing his steps!
I don't understand why God doesn't grant the Godly desire Christian parents have to produce Godly AC but it happens and quite frequently despite all their efforts, prayers, sacrifices and love. I do think it is for the same reason that a child can become a Christian in an ungodly home but I shall leave that there. I DO KNOW that Christian parents are only responsible for being good stewards of the talents He gives us and not the results. You are human and we humans make mistakes even in our best efforts but as Christians, there is forgiveness for those mistakes in Christ and a trust that He will direct events according to His purposes and plans. Leave it at the foot of the cross and walk on in the joy of your salvation! XX
copied your line----->"I don't understand why God doesn't grant the Godly desire Christian parents have to produce Godly AC but it happens and quite frequently despite all their efforts, prayers, sacrifices and love."
We can pray for our children to follow God's way, become born again but we cannot "ask" God to make them saved no matter how much we love them or sacrifice......that is all their choice to make on their own. God does not force His way on anyone. W and our AC cannot "work" our way into heaven, every person must open that door all on their own.
Hebrews 11:6.....But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
And thank you for bringing me up on my comment about "I don't understand..." That was my old anguish rearing it's ugly head! My old self did have a proper understanding of how salvation comes about and how we stay in the Way but somehow I had expectations of God regarding my children that were not in line with what I knew to be true. I think it's because I had heard (did not read it for myself in context) that our godly desires are granted if we have faith and do not doubt. Well, I believed because it was a godly desire, of COURSE He would grant it! I had absolutely NO doubt about it! Somehow I did not question this beliefwith what what the Bible says regarding the method of salvation. I believed God would honor my prayers and did everything as if it depended on me for Him to do so. If I had truly kept to my Biblical understanding of God's method regarding salvation, the explosion of my hopes and dreams would not have been so devastating. I felt it was not only my children who had betrayed me but God Himself. My belief that He would grant me the desire of my heart in this came from someone taking a quote out of context. The entire quote is found in Matthew 21 but it was verse 21-22 that was being misused in this:
21And Jesus answered and said to them, "Truly I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, 'Be taken up and cast into the sea,' it will happen. 22"And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive."
I believed with every fiber of my being that God would grant my godly desire for my children based on that verse. But now I see that what the Bible says about how one becomes born again, is not compatible with that verse. Looking at that verse IN CONTEXT, (beginning at verse 19) one sees that it was talking to the disciples about doing miracles and not about what happens when you pray about all desires, godly or otherwise!
Now that I have gotten that sorted, it has given me a measure of peace about how things have turned out. It was never up to me, what I did or did not do, the faith I had, the prayers and sacrifices made. I wish, however, I had taken better care of my own nurturing and prepared better for the empty-nest years. That is the only thing I would have done differently had I known then what I know not. But the flipside of that is that I DID give it my all and I have a clean conscience regarding my obedience to the call of God on my life as a Christian parent.
Thanks, again bella, for catching my back-slidden comment and for warning people off that site regarding your concerns about the false theology you saw on other pages. I didn't go to other pages on the site and I don't want anyone to think I was promoting the site itself ESPECIALLY if it holds to heretical positions!
You are so right there are many churches that are hurting people a lot. Since we moved, I hesitate to get "too involved" in any church because of being hurt many times by people in churches that are allowed to continue to be very bad examples. One was actually the pastors wife....they both eventually went off the wall leading a different church very unbiblically Then there are the "women's Bible studies" these end up to be gossip sessions like a bunch of junior high girls. A lot of churches take verses out of context and then fabricate them into a totally different slant to fit them. I struggle a lot attending churches.....I need to get past it I know...somehow I know God will give me the courage to face what I need to..
We have to dwell on the fact that God is working out His will in our EC lives......and ours too. Remember He is not finished with our EC....He does have a plan and "train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it".........we do not know how "old" that may be,,,,keep "running the race to win" and please never give up--God works in mysterious ways. (hugs to you and everyone here)