I am so sorry this happened to you. I think you were right to tell ES's girlfriend that you won't tolerate that. It felt like the right thing to do to you, and that is really all that matters. No one can tell you what you can endure, and what you can't. Be sure to block the aunt from your Facebook page, so she won't be able to see or message you. I have come to believe there are no should in our situations. We are dealing with selfish, self-indulgent, sometimes narcissistic, immature, entitled individuals who do not respect our feelings and our humanity. And EC who do not appreciate any of things we gave them while raising them, or respect that we are mothers, who have a mother's heart. And some are grandmothers, with a grandmother's heart. So, I think all of us try to do our very best. Once you've taken action, and I mean this generally, don't go back and second-guess yourself. You did what you felt you needed to do to protect yourself, after a profound violation of your boundaries that caused you great pain. Also, you are human, and you were angry at such a blatant violation of your boundaries and peace of mind. You did what you needed to do for yourself, and I think we should always support each other in doing that. I am constantly astounded by what people say and do to each other. All of us on here, have tried very hard to be Christian in our dealings with others, but we are children of God, too, and we deserve to be treated as well as we try very hard to treat others.

Gordos, I think it was right of you to go to the source (ES's gf ) to see her response. It seems as if her Aunt is a troublemaker. I think it might be best to have very little to no contact with her. You do not need people like that in your life I would think.

Thank you ejrin. I usually would NEVER confront or question things like this. I usually just let them go, but this was the straw that broke the camels back. A lifetime of "letting things go" almost drove me to a nervous breakdown. My sons GF needs to learn her boundaries & how to keep her mouth shut. People do that though, When they are mad at their spouse, they bad mouth to family members & then wonder why their family treats their spouse different or not as nicely. She cant have her cake & eat it too.
Oh I blocked the aunt a long time ago, but she used her MOTHERS account to attack me & then blocked me from her mother's page. Her mother & I were getting to be pretty good friends. This whole thing came out of the blue first thing this morning. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I HATE getting blindsided like that.

Gordos, you may want to consider closing your Facebook account. I recently closed mine. It has been hard, not being able to read my friends' posts, but it has been a relief to be spared my ED's unkind treatment of me on FB.

NIcky, I have been thinking that ALL day. I have a DEAR friend in Ohio that is going through a rough time. She lost her job, no cell phone, no house phone, & the only way I can communicate with her is on FB. I hate to desert her at a time like this. This is one of those times when I wish I had a lot of money, I would send her some. She asks me all the time if she made a mistake never getting married & having kids...I have a tough time answering that lately. That probably sounds really bad, but Im SO tired of my adult kids drama becoming MY drama. I want to tell them "I did my job, maybe not perfectly, but your a healthy, capable grown man, so act like one!" I am becoming more & more numb all the time. I think it is God giving me peace in my heart. 6 months ago I would've lost it if something like this had happened. The bad thing is, now I know I wont be allowed to see my grandson again. I went 2 months without seeing him last fall. I just cant believe her aunt did this. I may message my friend & tell her I wont be accessible on FB for awhile, for my own sanity. Thanks!

I also took myself off of Facebook because I found it to be hurtful. We know that you are not crazy, you confronted it, now let it go and give it to God.

gordos4 - that kind of behavior from others makes me crazy! I'm glad you were able to call out those at fault and move on. I unfriended and blocked about 50 people from fb several months ago because I wanted to avoid anybody getting on our case. You just can't predict who is going to do that and cover everyone though. I dread that too. In the meantime, people have been using snail mail to access us now! We have a couple of unopened letters. You just have to do what works for you. I think that people are too quick nowadays to say whatever comes to their minds whether it is their business or not. I plan on making it as difficult for them to have that kind of access as possible as long as they do not have appropriate self control. Learning a whole lot of what not to do to people these days! God bless, hang in there!

Agreed savedbyhim,joan, & chocolate. My husband absolutely hates social media because it causes so much harm. I told him it's NOT the social media sites, but those who use it irresponsibly. I have NEVER, nor will I ever air my dirty laundry, put personal stuff on FB, or attack someone like that. It just took me by such surprise. I am willing to admit when I have done something wrong & I apologize, but cannot stand it when Im accused of doing things I never did or would do. UGH!! Im gong to say my St. MIchael Chaplet & will feel better. Thanks for your support, all of you!

You did the right thing in confronting your son's gf regarding that message from her aunt. I hope you blocked the aunt on FB… I would not respond to her or have anything to do with her. There is nothing good that would come out of it.
Speak blessings over her in your prayers and leave her in God's hands. He will deal with her. One day all truth will be revealed.
Sorry that you had to go through that. I know the emotions it must have set off inside of you, but remember who wants you living on your emotions is the devil himself, but we do not need to fear him.
Rest well. We are here.

gordos, I had my Facebook account closed two days after Christmas when I realized that my DIL and son put me on the restricted list. It was too painful to realize that other mutual friends might get to see their updates and newest photos of my granddaughter that I was prevented from seeing. It was too much pain.

A friend of mine opened a Facebook account in an alias name because of the type of job she has and she didn't want to be found by her students, and maybe that is something you could consider. Have the current one closed and open one in a different name; let that friend that you don't want to lose contact with know and you can then be friends again. Just a thought... just an option...

Gordos, you sound a lot like me. I have never been the confrontational type. I just wasn't raised that way. I was raised to do WHATEVER you can (bending over backwards) to avoid a confrontation and get along with everyone. But this estrangement has changed all that. It all goes back to setting boundaries, and my sweet mother just can't understand why we don't just give them what they want, no matter what, "just to get along".My DH and I also have been bad mouthed by DIL both on Facebook and verbally to others, but my mother thinks we should just pretend it never happened! I applaud you for your courage for standing up for yourself.

Oh, and I forgot to add this...my mother has even gone so far to tell me just to "be fake and pretend"..arghhh!

Good idea Searching! I never would have thought of that!

poodlegirl, I have always been submissive, but I am getting away from that. I'm tired of my sons gf getting away with everything she does. She's never had to answer for her bad mouthing. She did finally respond & guess what???? The reason she did bad mouth me was ALL MY FAULT! lol I expected as much. She has no sense of accountability.

You had every right to confront the GF and let her know you are not happy about her lies. If we keep letting our EC walk all over us that makes them feel even more empowered. They can choose their own behavior but we can choose ours. ES just blocked my phone, email and FB accounts on Sunday. I thought that things were getting better but then he has to fall back again. I have decided that all will be ok with God in charge and I am not spending my life chasing after him. He is a confused, mentally unstable person and I can not deal with that any longer. I know GC will come to us one day before long. But, it is important for us to be empowered in this struggle. I am keeping my FB account open but "unfriending" some people now. Prayers and hugs