CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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poodlegirl61 03/07/2016

Warning...this has nothing to do with my estranged son. I hope that is ok. I am telling you because I am hurting and I need prayer and support. Please bear with me. On Thursday morning my daughter came over and told me the worst thing....her husband cheated on her, basically does not love her anymore, and they have separated. they had been married 4.5 years and have a two year old son. She was blindsided completely and did not see it coming. They had been trying to have another baby for the last few months, and so how on earth could he do this? We are just devastated. She is humiliated, hurt, angry, sad, rejected....she's all over the place. I am feeling every single emotion she is. I can't eat and I can't sleep. This feels like the worst nightmare. Her husband I will admit was someone we would have never in a million years picked for her, but we learned to love him and he loved us. He says he still loves us so much and that really is the worst part for him. I guess he loves us more than her?!? He is filipino, and from a broken family, and had an absent deadbeat father, and so he was so resolved to NOT be like that, and be different, and he adores my husband and wanted to be just like him. So how on earth could he do something like this? Anyway, if I seem distant and don't respond to a lot of posts like I normally do, I am still here. But I have so much pain I am dealing with I just don't know what to do. My brain is in a fog. I do know God is near, and he loves all of us. I am just so worried about her and my grandson. Please just pray for me. Please.

lindajoan 03/07/2016

I am so sorry for this pain that your daughter and you are going through. We are here for you with support and prayer. Could it be that due to his difficult background that he is confused and made a terrible mistake and got into sin. I've seen forgiveness and repaired marriages take place. Would he seek counseling? Of course he has to be willing to try.

God bless you. Please stay with us. We need one another and we need the Lord in this difficult life.

barbyzhere 03/07/2016

Absolutely you have my prayers. I'm so sorry this has happened. Satan is running rampant through our lives and homes. I pray God gives you His inexplicable peace and comfort, also for you daughter and whole family. Sometimes we just have to hang onto each other and to God. I'll be praying He changes your s-i-l's heart and restores the love for your daughter, if she wants him back. God have mercy on each of you and help you through this painful ordeal.This is what the LORD says—
He who created you, Jacob,
He who formed you, Israel:

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”
It sounds like you're experiencing the waters, the rivers, and the fire all at the same time. Remember God is with you through it all.

barbyzhere 03/07/2016

P.S. That's Isaiah 43:2

poodlegirl61 03/07/2016

Thank you. I am actually in the process of gathering and writing down scriptures for encouragement. For all of us. She is a believer, and she is being incredibly strong and brave, but I also know she is in shock right now. As for a possible reconciliation, well, he really isn't wanting that. He says he loves her but not in love. I suppose he could change his mind, anything is possible, but right now he is acting like a completely different person from the one who we thought we knew. I absolutely think he is confused and his horrible background no doubt has something to do with this, but he is also saying things like he wants to die, and so forth. He wants counseling for HIMSELF, but not really couples counseling. And my poor daughter doesn't even know what to feel. The man she thought she knew is gone. Seemingly overnight.

Norske1 03/07/2016

Reading your posts, pooddlegirl, I am so sad. Satan is having so much fun with your SIL right now. He needs a lot of prayer. All of you are in my prayers, you, your husband, your daughter and your SIL.

ruthsandraschilling 03/07/2016

He thinks he doesn't love her because his affections have gone to the woman he cheated with.mi pray he repents and comes back to his wife.

faith304 03/07/2016

grass always seems greener on the other side, but when it begins to brown, he will have a reality check.. Wait upon the Lord, he will renew your strength!

lindajoan 03/07/2016

It sounds like counseling for himself would be a good start. I hope it would be a Christian counselor.

Sommersmom 03/07/2016

Just as no one really understands the pain and rejection of estrangement unless they've experienced it themselves, the same holds true for infidelity. The sense of being unwanted by your spouse, knowing they've chosen another person over you, is numbing. I was numb from head to toe the day my husband called me by his mistresses name.

Poodlegirl, please hold her, hug her, cry with her,and most importantly, pray with her. She needs to be reminded how very much she is loved, and valued. She will question her self-worth, maybe silently when no ones watching, but she will come through this adversity strong and confident with the love of God and her family standing by her side.

May our Lord walk through this time with your daughter, and with you. My mother cried along with me as my family fell apart, and to this day, I honor her for the love and support she gave me.
Blessings to you and your daughter....

ruthsandraschilling 03/07/2016

I have experienced being betrayed by my ex husband .. It's a horrible thing to happen to you.

edr1961 03/07/2016

Sorry for your hurt i know with you there she will be able to cope a little better,my prayers are with you and your family in this troubled time.

IronCowgirl 03/07/2016

I agree with lindajoan, counseling (even for himself) is good right now. It seems your sil is really in a bad place, especially since he said he "wants to die" etc. Soooooo much prayer needed....for him, of course for your daughter and for their precious little boy.

The pain your daughter is experiencing right now is indescribable and goes deep within her being. And, somehow, thinking she had this Christian husband, just adds to that pain. I realize it is also so painful for you but she and her son are so blessed to have you in their life at this time. Praying for God to give you strength and wisdom in order to be the support she needs (while your heart is breaking alongside hers).

Lots of prayer, love, hugs being sent out to you.

poodlegirl61 03/08/2016

Thank you everyone. We are all over the place right now with our thoughts. My daughter is being very brave and incredibly mature, considering all that has happened. She says she prays for him and is "worried" about him especially since he indicated he's so depressed and wanting die and so forth. I must admit, I think I would be too angry to pray for him at that point, but like I said, she is being very brave. Also I think she's still in deep shock. It isn't denial, or thinking maybe they will get back together....I don't think its that at all, because she even told me that she actually doesn't think she could ever take him back even if he did show remorse (which he hasn't). But she says he is the father of her child and she wants him to be ok. However, the thing that worries me is the legal ramifications. She thinks it will be a very simple divorce, no lawyer needed, just "family mediation" whatever that is. Right now her husband is saying she can have the house, he will continue to foot all the bills, etc... and my daughter is very naive and is just blindly going along with that, and they have worked out a custody agreement on what days/nights he will have my grandson, etc. But I am not stupid and I know eventually that will wear thin, and he doesn't make much money, and he will stop and I worry one day the lights will go out because he stopped paying the bill!

lindajoan 03/08/2016

I agree. I think a lawyer is definitely needed. It will protect her and her child. I am glad your daughter has you. God bless you as you help her.

feellinghelpless 03/08/2016

Some churches have a divorce support group. She should look into that or counseling for herself. Things may be different after he gets himself into counseling.

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