I'm new to Christianity. I understand what you are saying; I'm beside you, feeling the same pain and confusion. X

Hi barbyzhere, I'm sorry for the struggle your going through. It's so unnatural for children to not love their own parents, that it's difficult to know what to do with the emotional pain, and numbness to our soul that it causes. There's no "compartment" in our minds and hearts where we place the memories of children who walk away from knowing us. It's a daily struggle, a "new normal," that we have to adjust to as weeks turn into months, then into years without hearing from them.
God understands our pain, and the unfairness of our broken relationships. I don't think God would ever put anyone out of His will because they love their EC, and seek a reconciliation. I know for me though, I had to lift my ED up to The Lord, and ask Him to take the pain and rejection that her estrangement has caused. I had to stop searching for her and seeking a reconciliation. She doesn't love me, and I've had to except that for my own emotional health, and move forward with my life. The Lord has blessed me in so many ways, that I always need to be thankful for His blessings, and not always mournful over my daughter. I've had to leave her to her choices, but I pray for her everyday. "All things are possible with God."
My heartbreak does keep me @ God's Throne in prayer.......I've grown incredibly closer to God in all of this.

I know I have felt a lot of guilt for my inability to hope for a better future. Because of the emotional and irrational roller coaster I was on for 3 years with my ES and DIL, trying to make it better, trying to make it be okay, struggling to accept their sudden and total rejection, I feel like being numb is the best I can hope for, and I believe that God would not want me to feel that way. But as others have said, there is something SO unnatural and so uniquely painful about having a child you have given EVERYTHING YOU ARE AND HAVE to, to just decide one day you're not worth even the common courtesy you'd give another person on a bus, as a mother, it is probably the hardest thing in the world to accept. The only thing harder would be the death of a child, which I have experienced too. But I think there's something so fundamentally wrong about our EC just rejecting us and not caring about having a relationship with us, I believe it is a long process to true acceptance, that takes time, and I try not to beat myself up too much about the emotions and negativity and lack of faith I feel along the way. Most of us could not have beforehand ever conceived of this happening to us, and it just hurts, tremendously. And initially is a total unbelievable shock to our systems, that takes time to come out from under from. I am so grateful for this website, to know I am not alone.

Oh dear new sister in Christ. No, God has not taken us out of His will but just the contrary. Its just like any other trial, as His children, its designed to bring us closer to Him. He called us to "share in His sufferings" and yes, I do believe in His time and in His way He will deliver us and give us victory with or without our children. Remember He wants us to love Him with ALL our heart. I do want to share with you what I read just this week. You know how you have read stories etc. where the adoptive child HAS to find their birth mother. Its a longing there that just doesnt go away. God put that special bond in both of us, our children and us as mothers and it wont go away. It was formed at conception and will always be there on this earth. I think thats why we have victory and then we dont. Its not going away but our Lord will help us to be overcomers and learn to cope and to live victoriously. We cant beat ourselves up when we are so grieved. Ive been in this last state a year and a half and Im better. Not gone by a long shot but better. We are learning as mothers to live each day with Him and He will take care of us. But dont forget we hurt and so do they whether they are showing it or not. Its NOT NATURAL for them either and thats my point. We keep praying that God will heal and fix sooner than later and until then we just love the Lord more cause how much He loves us. He has NOT forsaken us and wont. He will make our days better and better as we love Him more. Will it still pop up? absolutely Ive read too many times its worse than death. Death is final but this keeps lurking along. Rest in Him and know you are loved and we hurt with you.

Barby, you pose so many thoughts and good questions. I know on the basis of God's Word that He would not put anything in our lives to harm us. That does not mean that we will always understand His purpose in the tragedies and storms of life. Sometimes they come to remind us that we are not in Heaven,yet. Sometimes, they come that we will see His faithfulness to us in carrying us through (footprints poem). Sometimes trials come that His name would be glorified whatever the outcome.

Estrangement is not God's will but only the enemy can have His way in it if we let Him. God's will is that we perservere and do not give up. Happines is dependent on circumstances but joy is dependent on the Lord. So yes, we can stil have joy and peace in the midst of our estrangement journey.

God bless each one of us to desire to honor God even though we do not see His plan. He is worthy.

No you are not guilty of idolitry. But we gotta learn to let go, let them be the grown ups they have become, & let God teach them. All over the Bible, there are scriptures about children. "HONORING" their. parents . Estrangement is Not Honor. My kids all adults seem to think it means respect . I'm in the same boat. I feel that maybe I've revolved my life around our EC & GC too much maybe. They need their. own lives. Is this Gods will for me? IDK, but I'm still trying to sort it out. I believe we gotta give up the struggling. of broken. dreams to God! I put it in His hands, then every time I talk about how broken. I am over the E, I take it all back on myself, my shoulders. If I could just leave the situation. in His Hands, He will be my Joy, my Rock! My Strong Tower, into which I run! I used to say that my GC are my joy, & they still are, but Jesus. needs to be our First Love. Seek ye first, the kingdom of Heaven, & All these things will be added unto you. While I'm still human, & struggle to do this daily, I know that's where True Happiness. comes from. I'm nothing w/o Him! God Loves us, & we are worthy to be loved. The Lord will make a way, where there seems to be no way! ; )

Heart, your reply is my beliefs,also. May God give is His strength to do this. He will!

I have always heard that God will not test us beyond our strength. I have teetered on the edge quite a few times, but have never fallen to the other side. I have found my heart to be weakened, somewhat cold & numbed by the estrangement. It think its our human instinct to protect our selves from physical AND emotional harm. I pray to God all the time to soften my heart.

Gordos, I recently heard the verse on that explained that God will not test us above that He is able. We are weak but He is strong. He will always enable us with His strength.

Amen! ; ) If we hang onto Him, & Not give up. When I was younger (in the Lord) I used to think the scriptures. about the last days, were for the "lost", I've found out the hard way, that Children. we raise in The Godly things, can still turn out wrong. I mean our kids aren't. into drugs or anything , & they always. try to better. themselves financially etc... but their disrespect. is Epic!

Thank you for your responses and encouragement. It's a bit of a roller coaster here. At times I sense the Lord giving me strength and peace, and at other times, usually after I've entertained some negative thoughts, I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff. You're always there like a safety net. Thank you.