Maria....When you talk about losing your health, serenity and self-worth, at my lowest point in this estrangement, I can remember sitting in the doctors office and he recommended a colonoscopy and gave me all the health risks if I didn't have it done. I said; "no." He asked me why. I just lowered my head and stared at my feel for what seemed like forever. I couldn't answer him. I couldn't tell him that dying from cancer at that point would have been a blessing to get rid of the heartache, the gut-wrenching pain and the oceans of shed tears. I didn't have the guts to do it myself, but as I sat there, I thought it would be the easy way out to just die from cancer.

GuelsMom, I know how you feel. I had a cancer scare years ago and my EC could care less. He didn't even come to the hospital though I asked him to. God chose to let me live because he had a purpose for it and I won't let my EC's estrangement snuff out my joy to live anymore. Life is just too precious.

This just makes me soooooo sad. Who said our children have to be the be all and end all? Back in the olden days our parents said, "I feed you and give you a place to sleep, I don't owe you more than that". We need to go back to those days. I will not allow my ED to make me sick any longer!!!!!!!!!!

It has cost them dearly, whether they know it or not. A huge part of your life is missing when a loving parent is tossed aside. As for me I dont really make plans ahead for holidays anymore. Last year I went to a friends on Christmas Eve and then to a midnight service. It was all spur of moment and it worked fine. It wasnt what I wished, but i refused to sit home alone and cry on Christmas Eve. So i will do the same this year, if need be. Hope to see my son this year on Christmas Eve (expect nothing from my daughter)

I'm really starting to think that their choice to estrange themselves is costing them a lot. For one, it is costing them a right relationship with God. Estranging your parents is not what God would want. Though the estrangement hurts me and costs me pain and sadness, I won't let it cost me my joy to live or my faith. My faith has taken a big hit with estrangement, but I will get it back.

MariaStevie ~~~ As a Christian parent that feels that our child chose to become estranged from us for no justifiable reason, what concerns me the most is how God views it. More seriously is how little our kids take this serious enough. Our kids are far more openly rebellious today than we were when most of here grew up.

The Old Testament Prophets spoke of the importance of respecting ones parents and the cost of not giving them the honor God intended for the vessels of his creation.

--- Deut. 27: 16 "Cursed be he who dishonors his father or his mother."
--- Ex. 21:17 "Whoever curses his father or his mother shall be put to death."
--- Lev 20:9 "For every one who curses his father or his mother shall be put to death; he has cursed his father or his mother, his blood is upon him.
--- Exodus 20:12 "Honor your mother and your father, that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you."

Jesus confirmed the requirement to honor the institution of His created family unit and included the Old Testament warning.

--- Mt. 15:4 "For God commanded, 'Honor your father and mother,' and, 'He who speaks evil of father or mother, let him surely die."

The apostle Paul preached it as instructions for the church family.

--- Eph 6:1-3 "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise), "that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth."

"To honor is to obey, to reverence, to speak kindly to, to speak and think well of. To curse is to disobey, to treat with irreverence, to swear at, to speak ill of, to think evil of in the heart, to meditate or do any evil to a parent. All this is included in the original word."
---- Barnes' Notes on the New Testament

Maria, I so undertand your post and struggle with the same delemas(sp), whether to send or not to send, etc. We only differ on one part and that is this estrangement will NOT cost me my faith in God. When I turned my E/S over to Him, I also knew I may not know how God is working and what is going on behind the scenes. I just have to Trust! You know, I am sure, that God doesn't always answer our prayers the way WE want Him to, and His ways are always so much better. But I understand the "waiting" is the most difficult part. But once we turn our situations over to Him, we really have to leave them at His feet.

We are in this together, and I pray you keep your faith and trust in God and know He loves you and your EC. I do not have the answers, but He does. Hugs.....

Thanks all. I like the scriptures on honoring our parents. I do believe that our children's estrangement is not God's will.

Yes, those scriptures are great aren't they? Now all we have to do is get our kids to read them!! :-)

MariaStevie,

Sadly, there will be a price our ECs will pay for the estrangement. Even the prodigal son, while welcomed back into his father's loving arms when he came to his senses, paid a very dear price for his disrespect and disobedience. He squandered his inheritance! He probably lost the respect of his hometown friends and other members of his family. While the Bible isn't clear, I doubt the father would have then taken the older, faithful brother's inheritance and said, "Now split this with your bro." No, his money was gone. There is always a price to pay.

My husband and I now have the ability to travel and we take my younger son and his friends, my husbands sons. Sadly, my older two miss out Not to mention that I love to buy gifts -- it's my love language. While I remember ED and ES on their birthday and Christmas with cards, I can't see spending money on things that won't be appreciated. Mostly, I think that in this season of our lives, we have much love and wisdom to share. I've seen ED and ES make some foolish choices that could have been avoided had they sought council from people who truly love and care about them... and i could go on and on.

I cry sometimes because I am missing out! My ES and ED are two of the funniest, wittiest people I have ever met. ES is a talented musician and comedy writer, and they are both the life of the party. I miss hearing him sing and play and they used to make me laugh so hard.... But again, I cling to the promise that God will restore the years the locusts have eaten. (Joel 2:25) Oh, yes, He will! He has already worked amazing miracles in my life... and I BELIEVE there are more to come.

Maria...Your love for your kids shine greatly. They cannot help but know that in their heart of hearts.

Sapphire, you are so certain. I admire your faith. This estrangement has been so hard on my faith and I am just now getting it back after three years. I want so much to believe that God is working his wonder on my life and will restore what I worded so hard to create. I know it is all in there with ny ED but it is my SIL who has destroyed the family so as long as she is with him I see no changes. Your certaintly is inspiring and I wish I had it too.

Bugzy, do you have a book that lists just the promises of God? Do you have a church family or sisters-in-Christ who are close to you who can encourage you? We can't do this on our own! Here is just one book recommendation that has helped me tremendously: Praying for Prodigals by James Banks.

I can be certain because GOD does not fail! He will not break a promise! I look at our situations and they LOOK impossible, but what is impossible for man is NOT impossible for God, and He delights in revealing His Glory. Your faithfulness will be rewarded, Bugzy. You just hang in there!

GuelsMom,
Hi! How is everyone? I havn't postd in a long time, once again, been so busy and now I'm sick with the flu.I can so relate to feeling like dying because of the great pain. It's been almost 2 months now since my Texas episode and have not heard from my daughter. Usually I would have sent her a text by now but I am fed up. I've shaken the dust from my feet, Matthew 10:14
If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet. I still love and pray for her but am finished. I haven't given up just given her up to God. The pain has become too great and I know that God is in charge and I can't get in the middle anymore. Some days I just pray and ask God to remove the pain from my heart and usuallty He, in His mercy, does. Take care and God bless!