It is my opinion that when someone estranges you and then you try your best to find out what caused it, (assuming you really do not know) and they won't tell you so that you can apologize and then they proceed to give you the silent treatment through various sources, it is solely because they know that they have succeeded in getting to your emotions. That gives them both the superior controlling feature that they relish in and at the same time, they are able to convince themselves that they are the victims of abuse. If they tell you what the problem is, then the just might have to let go of their perceived hold on you - therefore, they shut down communication.

What to do about it? There is nothing you can do after trying your best to be at peace with someone other than to let it go, give them space and ignore their rude behavior. Yeah, I know I did not do that in the beginning but I'm hoping that others can learn from my experience.

Frustrating? Absolutely! It is disrespectful and also unbiblical to not deal with family disagreements that get to the point that trivial matters become estrangement.

I also tried in the beginning, sending email apologies and asking that we start anew. What I did was give my DIL all the power. Now I have been silent for 6 years, well, not completely. I did send them each a birthday card/gift card a few years ago and last Thanksgiving we sent them a card telling them we will always love them. No response.

This is where I have now come to the realization that it is all in God's timing, and maybe God has another plan for me. My DH and I raised this ES with love and guidance. Maybe now my work is done because our children are on loan to us. Maybe God has something else planned for me - something bigger than mourning the loss of my ES. In the meantime, I hold hope that God is working on both my ES and DIL. I need to let go and let God.

Kathy, There is nothing more hurtful physically and emotionally than betrayal. When it is done by our EC it leaves a scar even after the immediate pain has ceased. The truth is that only God can change our EC. We can not. We can pray for them. It takes God's strength in our weakness for is to move forward. He will be our helper in this storm. God bless you. Please come here often. It is a blessing.

Kathy, this estrangment pain is so horrible.It is definitely a nightmare I wish I could wake up from. It is mentally and physically making me sick. I'm pretty new at this (only since September) so I guess I'm still in the "maybe I can fix it" stage but of course nothing I do will fix it because son and his girlfriend don't want it fixed. I've sent several emails apologizing for things and I don't even know what they all are. Since this mess started my other son has jumped in on it and my stepdaughter won't see her dad or me anymore either. She has enjoyed spreading even more lies. Just when I think it can't get any lower, it goes to a even lower level. When I look at our family pictures, I think how did my family go from this (being happy) to this (hating their parents or seemingly like it anyway). I can only try to live one moment at the time and cry out to God to help me.

The pain from estrangement is so horrible I cannot even explain it. I am so sorry for your pain.

I agree with Guelsmom--it's a control thing with them. It's so sad.

Praying for you!

I sent her an email last night asking could I send my grandson an Easter present ..... Didn't want to send it, have it rejected and more pain. No response. Tonight I posted on FB that she is DEAD. Any daughter who will not return a call when her mother is deathly ill, won't respond to any communication is not the dtr I raised. She wants to be disassociated from this family, take our name (Her maiden name) off of her FB page. It's over .... The end. She is going to be in for a big surprise on judgment day!

Kathysau, I'm sorry that you are hurting. My experience has been that fighting fire with fire only makes it worse. Our children are living in a different world and most of them are just trying to find their way in that world. Although it hurts deeply (I know that as well as you), after we get through the shock, anger, confusion, hurt, sadness, mourning, we must return to love. I know it sounds flighty, but if we cannot forgive and find it in our hearts to feel love for them, our lives will remain out of balance. It is only when they see strength and unconditional love that they will want to re-enter our lives. (IMHO)

Canadianmother .... Thanks .... I am grounded in the word and it is very true. I have been estranged by both of ny dtrs, but never at the same time. Now my 19 yo GD has joined their ranks. Having 3 at one time is undue arable. We are a small family. I was an only child and both of my parents are deceased. My husband had a few siblings, but they moved out of state and we only remain close to one sister. My family has been my 2 girls and 4 grand kids. This past Nov, for some reason we know nothing about, we lost 2 kids, one GD by choice and the other by parent with hold out. I lost 2/3 of my family.... No one but hubby and I together for TG, the babies 4th BD and an obvious indication that we would be alone for Christmas ... So we drove 1,000 miles and spent it with hubby's sister. I have fear if they come back in my life it will happen again. I have numerous medical problems that have flared up due to my emotions. I have fought battles with depression since 1978..... Many hospitalizations for that. Both my ED's know about my problems and don't care. I can't regrets physically and mentally so if there is any type of reconsiliation I will need to love them from a very far distance.

Kathy, You did not cause this. Only God can change their hearts. Please take care of yourself. Estrangement takes a great toll. It has on DH and I but it will not destroy us. Let Him take this burden. God bless you.

Kathysau: Could you please tell me how It is only when they see strength and unconditional love that they will want to re-enter our lives when ES refuses any communication with his family, even when critically ill? My dad was just diagnosed with liver cancer yesterday, my mother is having severe migraines from the stress and my ES refuses to call her, let us see the GC. He and his girlfriend will be getting married in 14 weeks and we are not even invited to the wedding. I am having difficult time in dealing with all of this besides working over 40 hrs per week.

Hi Chickadee, In most cases EC will hear about your life through other family members, mutual friends, social media, etc. If they hear that your are angry and bitter, sad, depressed, it is less likely they will feel the desire to re-enter your life. If they hear that you are strong, moving on with your life, and happy, then they MIGHT feel a desire to talk with you. I'm not saying this is easy--it's not.

Children of any age are feeling a lot of stress in this world. There's all the social uncertainty with divorces and such, and there is the economic uncertainty. They don't need us to be adding more of the same. They need us to be strong and steady. We cannot always be strong in ourselves, but I know that God does give that strength when we call out to him in our distress. I've seen it in my own life. Some day I'll share my full story on here. (partly so that you understand I don't think I know it all, but am only speaking from my own experience)