soerysadmom......Wow, does my heart ever go out to you!! I am so, so sorry that your son is putting you through this. I'm sure these people are well meaning since they don't know about the situation. Their intentions are good; not even insensitive because again, they don't know. You and I would do the same thing under the same circumstances. It would be abnormal to ask someone if your relationship was good before they asked you about an event that, under normal circumstances, would be inquisitions of wanting to share in your joy. "Forgive them for they know not what they are doing."

But, what to do when those questions come up more and more as the wedding gets closer and closer??? I'm not sure what I would do or how I would react if I were in your shoes. My first thought would be to open up to those you trust and if it comes down to it, just simply say to anyone that asks for further info that you and future DIL have some issues that you are hoping will get resolved before the wedding." Then just ask them to please not bring it up to you and that you will keep them informed if there is any change in the situation. Who knows, if these people are his friends, God may use them to admonish your son for doing this to you at a once in a lifetime event - (hopefully it's a one time event! LOL).

That's my first thought but others may have better advice for you.

For now you need a really, really big(((((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))

AND you will be in my prayers as all here are.

GuelsMom has some great advice. I am so sorry for your situation. I guess I might also say that as the mother of the groom, I really am not as involved but if I learn anything I'll let you know.

You don't want to let people who might be friends with your ES and DIL know that you are telling people that you and DIL have issues because that could be taken back to them.

You are in my prayers. When is the wedding?

I might have the wrong age sovery. How old is ES? I thought he was too young to be married.

My concern is the more people you share with the more questions will be asked which I found exhausting even from those I knew trusted and really cared. Please be very cautious with who knows what. sharing with a very small circle of close family/friends who you know will pray is best, I think, Even then, share only what you want others to know. You do not owe anyone any explanations. God bless you. I understand. We all do.

sovery my heart breaks for U but I was under the impression that he was still a teen. Could this bride 2B B the 1 that is causing all the problems because she thinks you would not agree to such an early marriage. i know he must be at least 18 but if they R pregnant that might be the reason for the exclusion of U & YH Just a thought

I have to agree. It seems this young woman may be encouraging estrangement or at least not encouraging reconciliation.

Thank you all. I truly believe it is his gf who is at the root of all of this. ES is 20 and gf is 22. They are both at the same college. She will graduate this year and my son will graduate next year. We would have preferred that they wait until he graduates too but she wants to go ahead and get married. She did stay at our house for a couple of visits (in a separate room from our son) before the estrangement started. It is my perception that she is immature, brought up in a rich family and used to getting her way. I told my son if he loves her then I would love her but I did ask him frankly as a parent he is realized that he would have a lot of work to do to give her the life of which she has become accustomed. I didn't tell him my other perceptions about her being rich and spoiled because I new he would be upset. I have heard they are getting married in May but I don't know the date or any other details. Thank you for your prayers. I pray that the Lord will deal with their hearts and use someone they respect to reach them.

I hope they do not marry this young. IMHO no 20 year old guy is ready for that commitment. If it were my son (I have 3) I would pray against it and pray that someone he will listen to would speak truth to him. God bless you and your DH.

I agree lindajoan that he is too young. This is his first real girlfriend. He is quiet and somewhat shy so he fell head over heels quickly with the attention. She is smart and beautiful. But she tells him everything and he does it. Thank you for your prayers.

I don't understand why you don't want to tell those you know. I'm sure they'll be understanding and your ES may listen to them. Sometimes when you hear advice from others you trust, you listen better. I'm fortunate and so is my oldest daughter that when she and I were having difficulties her friends would listen and then get her to look at it from my point of view. My ED didn't/doesn't have those type of friends. They encouraged her to stay mad at me and to get away. Your ES needs to listen to others with wisdom. Pray about it. There maybe someone that would be a good person to intervene.

I agree with feeling.....as long as you watch VERY carefully what you say to them. Under NO circumsatance should you say ANYTHING negative about the fiance or it will get back to them. If anyone you know has said anything positive about the fiance use that info and say something like...."We haven't met her but I hear she is a nice person."

Soverysad...I've read posts on here for a long time and virtually every single situation with our EC's has been after the appearance of a significant other. These "others" all have the same traits. They are the ones spoken of that would appear more and more in the end times from 1 Tim. 3:1-7. Please read this passage if you haven't already, it's very important. They are what we call today "narcissists", or a term I like better "narcopaths". It's all about manipulation and control. Learn about them and you will understand better what you are up against and how to pray. It has been 2 years of virtually no contact with my ED. She had never had a boyfriend in her life, was a very demure young woman, but was seduced (targeted) at 17 by a married man 10 years her senior who divorced his wife of 6 years (with the blessings of his AG church), moved her in to his newly vacated home (which is when the estrangement began), married her at the JP 6 months later, then had a huge church wedding that we we not invited to or told of 7 months after that. The struggle I have is that the Word tells us to have nothing to do with such people (passage above). After every human attempt had been made by us to get to the bottom of this estrangement, we (husband and I) have concluded that we are up against the forces of satan himself and our only hope is the power of the living God. I don't want to give you false hope, as I have had, but encourage you to put ALL your hope in our Lord. He is able to rescue our children from the hand of the enemy. Our struggle truly is not against flesh and blood but the powers and principalities of the air, yet satan knows our weakest spot - our kids. Not going to a wedding is not the end of the world. Strive in prayer for your son to truly be saved and have a personal encounter with the Creator of all things good. Many people asked me if our daughter knew the Lord when this began. Despite all the trappings of religion, I now would say emphatically - NO. If she did, we would not be here.