Thank you epicjourney..yes indeed, we need to rely on God's love and His wisdom to survive. With all the emotional pain that has been part of my life's journey, I still find a lot of JOY in the Lord..the faith that sustains me. In my humanity, I will succumb to lows, however I just don't stay there. That is my testimony...that true love and happiness can only be found in the Lord Jesus and His surpassing love for us all.

Thanks for your words of wisdom...they are understood. I may have moments of sadness still, however, I just don't linger there because the Lord has so much more for me and He wants to use me even during my weaker moments....

2 Corinthians chapter 12 verses 9 and 10

v. 9"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

v.10 "That is why for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

epic Thank you for sharing this. Who or what could cause us to survive better than God and His Word? Thankfulness is a powerful attribute also. I am reminding myself.

all of you have touched me in so many ways, and yes lindajoan, I am truly thankful that the Lord has guided me to this place. thank you for that lovely scripture Maddie. It is sustenance for those of us in survival mode. I also wanted to tell you that as I read your story, I almost wondered if we grew up in the same household. I, too, face estrangement from my mother, siblings, and daughter, with the extra kicker that my ex-wife has aligned with my mother and daughter to undermine me. When I read your posts, I knew you shared the pain of being humiliated by some of your closest loved ones, without having any idea why. How do you defend against false or undisclosed allegations, except to say that you are sorry for whatever you supposedly did wrong. In my case, it didn't matter that I did nothing wrong. They were determined to try and convict me anyway. Having nothing else I could do, I put it all in the Lord's hands and found deliverance. First, I forgave them all and told them so. This only infuriated them. But that is between them and God. I am thankful that I don't have the awesome responsibility that He has to heal their spirits and to bring them within the Lord's Grace. I am just thankful that He delivers those who believe in Him.

Epic journey, I while reading your post on how you told them you forgive them, I had a giggle of actually sharing that fact with my father and son. I forgive them, but I am sure they would rather not know I am strong enough to do it. My counselor assured me that I did not have to let them know, just know it myself. I do not think I could have went as far as you did; good for you!

Sad mad, I love the scriptures you shared especially verse 10. It has added some determination to me to overcome this horrible place I am in right now. Thanks everyone for sharing!

epic....I enjoyed reading your whole topic throughly but went back to your first line that said..."Most families are dysfunctional."

Yep, IMHO that is so true because who really defines "normal." It is said that if you are not "normal" then you are dysfunctional. But, normal is relative to ones enviornment or heritage which can be different than other families.

I absolutely agree with the statement that "most families are dysfunctional". I don't know of anyone who doesn't have a skeleton or two somewhere in their closet...and yes, things like this happen to "nice" families also. It knows no socio-economic boundaries, ethnicities, religious affiliations, etc...

At one point in my life, I was unable to understand just how a family could split apart like this. I would shake my head when I heard stories of others and think, "gosh, if they had just tried a little harder", either on the part of the parent or the child. Now, I realize almost everyone is just a few steps away from the same situation.

We are all survivors, just in various stages of the ordeal. I read these stories of people who have endured these estrangements for years and I feel a mix of sorrow and admiration for them. My ED has only been gone a few months and its been hard to handle. At this point, I'm still having trouble forgiving her and the boyfriend, I'm hoping that comes with a little time. I love them both. I love the child she carries, but I don't know that I will ever be able to be a part of their lives. Too much has happened and maybe it is still too fresh. Even if we were to reconcile, I fear the same problems and issues would only arise again. I hope I get to that point that I can fully forgive, because I know that it is crucial to me as well as the rest of my family's well-being and I know it is biblical. Somedays, even when the emotions are all bubbling just below the surface, I'm able to keep my head up, enjoy the positive things in my life and act pretty close to "normal" -- at least as normal as I've ever been. LOL. Other times, the tears flow and the hurt, fear and frusteration is overwhelming. I've faced some trials in my life and I've overcome a lot; however, this has by far been one of the most difficult things I've ever gone through and I'm afraid the journey has just started.

epicjourney Thank you for that illustration. I had not thought of the struggle in those terms, but you are so right. When people are in distress, they cannot just sit around and wish it were different. They must act, and act as Christ would have them act. This estrangement is our desert island or our wilderness survival, and we must do what we must do to survive God's way.

I think of the movie Cast Away with Tom Hanks. The movie is so obviously based on the book Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe. But in the movie, Mr. Hanks prefers to find solace in a soccer ball named Wilson rather than the relationship that Robinson Crusoe found with Christ as he was surviving on his island. Looking up quotations from that book I found this:

“How mercifully can our Creator treat His creatures, even in those conditions in which they seemed to be overwhelmed in destruction! How can He sweeten the bitterest providences, and give us cause to praise Him for dungeons and prisons! What a table was here spread for me in a wilderness where I saw nothing at first but to perish for hunger!”

Soccer balls just can't give you that kind of peace. I have to praise God even in this time of my bitterest trial, because I know He holds eternity and everything else in His hand.

I have not been on DS at all for a long time for various reasons but the holidays seem to bring me back. As I was reading your topic I thought about how much time we are "in parenting mode" with our children in comparison to the time we have on earth and that is about 70-80 years. But we are only "in parenting mode" for about 20-25 years out of all that time. There is so much that we can do and become in the time we do have in non-parenting mode that just surviving to me without finding other meaningful things to do would be a waste of that valuable time that we do have.

I remember the old tv program "Father Knows Best," where they had the "perfect family." June Cleaver was smart and beautiful and rarely had a cross word for anyone. Ward Cleaver came home from work to their lovely home everyday and sat in his leather chair. June would bring him a glass of scotch and his house slippers . . . But if you go back and watch some of those episodes, the manipulation and non-communication is manifest. Yes, they had money and fun times, a "normal" family, but they also had serious family problems that June often covered up or manipulated someone into doing something not entirely honest. I think dysfunction will always exist on some level - its all in how you handle it.

In my case, my family did not handle the dysfunction well and we all went into survival mode. that is why it was relatively easy (with the Lord's grace) to forgive my mother and siblings. they were all physically beaten and mentally abused as I was. the difference between them and myself is that I have accepted the facts of what happened in the past and they hate me for my attempts to acknowledge the past, and then to move on. they prefer to just not deal with it at all. I pray they come to a place of healing before we all pass on or move away.

I thank all of you wonderful folks here in God's community.

epic...."Father Knows Best?" .....and......June Cleaver were FAKE??? ....Oh my illusions are shattered to pieces! LOL

But you are right, I used to watch those programs and the turn around and look at my family and it just built up resentment that our family was not like THEM! Our family was "normal" based on my surroundings and the aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents that we associated with --- until television presented "the perfect family"

But, today as I look back and think about "The Cleavers" I think they presented much more Biblical example of what a Christian family "should" look like than what the real modernistic family is today.

I used to love that show. It seemed peaceful. Life seemed simple. I like it. The world today is out of control. The enemy is working overtime and so are we. It doesn't seem like the pace of these present days are the way God planned it. We are all exhausted. Rest in The Lord. Trust in The Lord. Pray. If we are too busy for God we are too busy. Preaching to myself again.

My father had 18 brothers and sisters. One of my wonderful aunts used to watch us kids scurrying around and say: "sometimes you have to sit still to receive the Lord's blessing." So true. We are so busy because we have to "have things," instead of staying out of the stores, saving money, and spending more time with those who just need our time. We are always chasing the ideal of the "perfect family," as if it really exists. There has always been and always will be conflict within families. Will mothers ever get enough sleep with their newborns? will people ever stop getting sick? will people ever stop being susceptible to the vices of jealousy, envy, sloth, gluttony, etc.? That is why we must know God. He is the way, the truth, and the light.

Amen. Spending time in His presence. What a smart aunt you had. PTL.

epic....Pastor Andy Stanly, (Charles Stanley's son) recently did a series on relationships and I remember him saying God's word presents to us what the "perfect family" should look like - because it is what we should be striving FOR. But, he also said that most likely we will never reach that goal. It is supposed to be our goal while realizing that each one of us are not there yet.